Yaoi

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Catgirls, Hentai and furries, Oh my!
This page contains catgirls, hentai and/or furries and is not safe for human consumption.

If caught reading this page, roll over and play dead.

“I love how fluffy and mushy everything is, and so does my girlfriend. The romance seems so real, despite things normally disgusting such as child molestation and incest. I'm not gay though.”

~ A thirteen year old boy on Yaoi Fanfiction

“The best thing to happen to fanfiction since The Lord of the Rings!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Yaoi Fanfiction

“La-la-la-la-la, we had nothing to do with it, la-la-la-la-la.”

~ Walt Disney on Yaoi Fanfiction

“This is gay!”

~ Captain Obvious on Yaoi Fanfiction

When one male cartoon and another male cartoon love each other very much, Jerry Falwell is pissed....good thing the bastard is dead then.

Yaoi (止めてください) has existed longer than the universe itself. Yaoi is a Japanese acronym that comes from the phrase, “Yamete! Watashi no Oshiri ga Itai,” which, roughly translated, means "Stop it! My butt hurts!" and as such is aimed at over-the-top straight men and children, but only after Catholic mass.

1 History
2 Pronunciation
3 Types of Yaoi
4 Symptoms
- 4.1 Targets
- 4.2 Possible Cures
5 Alleged Homosexuality in Yaoi
6 Complaints from Queers
7 Religion
8 An Example of Quality Yaoi
9 See Also

[edit] History

This is a historical love story in Japan. This love has reduced the Japanese population.

Before time existed another universe. And in this ancient universe lived a race of magical beings called the Yaoites. They were very technologically advanced. Then came the invention of Yaoi, which became extremely popular and was even used as their planet's flag. But the Yaoites never saw the mistake of building magic-powered computers. Eventually, all the yaoi on the Internet fused together to become a humongous(Like 2000-freaking feet long)dragon who called herself "Omega Yaomare". She destroyed planet Iyao and planned to destroy the entire universe. Then, all the souls of the non-yaoi fan Yaoites fused together into a dragon of pure shadow(Ironically, it's good!), who called herself Shatai. The war raged on for a millenia, until Omega Yaomare unleashed a massive beer-burp that destroyed the universe. The only things that survived were these two immortal beings, who eventually got bored of beating the hell out of each other(Since they were immortal) and eventually spawned a child named God. When God went to college, he had to do a science experiment, which went horribly wrong and asploded into another universe, which is the one we live in. Like 10-ish billion years after that, we humans came along and re-invented the Internet, and yaoi as well, which will ultimately re-awaken Yaomare.

[edit] Pronunciation

Yaoi is pronounced "yah-oh-ee," or "yah-oy." Sometimes dumbasses pronounce it "yowie." They are then stabbed to death by legions of yaoi fans that aren't n00bs. Yowie is also the name of a lizard-type monster in Final Fantasy X. Yowie is also an Australian chocolate. These chocolates are in the shape of colourful and magical trolls/bunyip characters.

[edit] Types of Yaoi

There are many types of yaoi.

A hopelessly skinny male fucking another hopelessly skinny male, known as "OMG!! KAWAII ORO!! xDDD"
An unnaturally muscular male sodomizing a morbidly obese male.
The tragic, "OMG I LOVE YOU BUT I MuzEnt!!! U GUY! ME GUY! NO WAY!!!" where two males secretly lust for each other. This generally ends badly - either through death by decapitation or by the males becoming too old to be "kawaii" enough for each other.
Androgynous homosexual male forces gay sex upon androgynous straight male. Otherwise known as "butt rape".
A very muscular guy hitting on a another guy who looks exactly like a girl but isn't. also known as "she's a GUY!!!???!!?!??? ZOMGWTF!?"
The rival/rival relationships, where two complete rivals who supposedly hate each other (i.e. L and Light from Death Note) want to have mad hot butt sex.
A brother suddenly deciding to have surprise buttsecks with his other brother as a "quality time" activity (i.e. Ed and Al from Fullmetal Alchemist, Hikaru and Kaoru from Ouran, or Itachi and Sasuke from Naruto).
A heterosexual male that just kind of sits there (i.e. Horohoro).

[edit] Symptoms

Effeminancy in males
Leather pants
Anorexia
Hairstyles similar to that of the human female, or that of Gackt
Thinking Gackt is hot.
Unfortunately gay colored hair
Convenient placement of romantic moments
Actually saying or acting out emoticons in conversation.
Reasonable human beings punching you for saying "Kawaii".
Being unable to tell if you're male or female when you have your clothes on.
Anally raping other males.
Incest
Squealing fangirls
4chan addiction
Deviantart addiction
Fanfiction.net addiction
Catboy syndrome
Annoying fangirl syndrome
Furry fetishism
Watching Queer as Folk, which is live action yaoi
Looking like this guy.
Watching Sensitive Pornograph
Fapping to other guys

[edit] Targets

World conquest
Turn the world homo
You
Horohoro
To destroy the Universe
L
cookies
Our brains

[edit] Possible Cures

There is currently no known cure for yaoi. The solution seen by many traumatized male victims of yaoi is suicide. Other male victims turn to homosexuality, as they have been successfully tainted by the erotic content, and must then proceed to fulfill their every heathenistic urge by going out and taking it in the ass (or maybe even giving it).

A quote from a fangirl on curing yaoi: "Why would you want a cure? See two beautiful boys kissing and doing kinky things with each other is so hot. Why only men can have homosexual fantasies? Can't women have them too? Jesus! What kind of world is this?"

[edit] Alleged Homosexuality in Yaoi

Lies. Lies and Slander. ...AND TRUTHS!

[edit] Complaints from Queers

...

"This isn't what I want. It needs to be more butt-sex-ish."

[edit] Religion

Yaoishianity is a religion born out of Yaoi. Its basic beliefs are that hot, manga-lite Japanese boys are the sons of God, God being Lance Bass. Known practices are reading Mad Magazine, listening to “Mistletoe and Wine” during summer and licking whipped cream off each others nipples. The National Holiday is the 7th of every month and on that day Yaoishians engage in orgies and the watching of Queer As Folk.

Mottos:

"NAMBLA approved"
"The religion for homosexuals, Right Wing Republicans and horny teenage girls."
"Like A Clockwork Orange...but with more cock!" (a.k.a. A Cockwork Orange)
"Like the Catholic Church...but with less cock!"
"Yaoishianity: In support of homosexuality, Pansy Division, bi-sexuality, masturbation, rimming, felching, butt hole surfing, Michael Jackson and anything/one else that is doing their part to un-overpopulate this shitty planet."