Virus (computer)
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- For the Viruses that will infect you, see Cure for the worst plague ever
- For the Roman Emperor of the same name, see Claudius Imperius Virus
“Getting a virus is like your computer having unprotected sex with the internet.”
“YOU SHALL SUFFER THE WRATH OF XORAX.”
~ XORAX on himself
“Virus eh? Well Let me introduce you to my main man Edger!”
~ Strongbad on Viruses
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Contents |
[edit] Properties
A virus (plural viruses, virii, viruseses, or viral thingies) is a tiny infectious nerf soccerball which enters the body through unprotected orifices and rapidly multiplies by feasting upon the juicy and delectable tissues of the brain, often turning the victims into zombies and/or Christians in the process. Some viruses are naturally occurring, such as Michelangelo, Human Funk Deficiency Virus, disco fever, and The Clapper, while others are artificially produced, such as AIDS, spring fever, and The Clap.
Probably the best description of a virus thus far: "if it is a virus that means it will just gather what it's been designed to do and keep going.
essentially it's like trying to pee in a public men's toilet(your computer) facility with a man 3 foot taller then you(the virus) are look down at you and finding out what your features and attitude is like so he can report back to his buddies to prepare for the next contact. if you want it like this then i won't stop you, but thats what it is like being said.
if it is safe though? as with all root kits,viruses, malware, bots if it sticks to it's designed goals assuming their has been no new orders to take on such as gathering your pc's passwords from certain sites and transmitting them to dubious sites, it shouldn't be much of a problem, but it would be wise to keep an eye on it if so."
[edit] Discovery and History
Viruses were invented by Wil Wheaton and Einstein as a last ditch effort to save Portugal from Leonard Nimoy Typecasting Disease. They experimented with a variety of potential cures, such as computer encrusted women, cadmium encrusted thetans, Unobtainium enveloped Michael Jackson. Their research was fraught with attacks by people controlled by Leonard Nimoy Typecasting Disease. They were saved at the last minute when Dr. Who invented the parabola and donated it to Wil Wheaton in exchange for a Star Trek plot device.
[edit] Viruses in the Environment
While they are often dismissed as mere non-sentient diseases, viruses possess a rudimentary intelligence, self awareness, and social structure. They prefer to remain in the company of sentient hosts, and dislike the negative connotation of the term infection, preferring instead to be called unexpected guests or surprise visitors.
Viruses are family-oriented, and mate and reproduce early and vigorously, though their organic similarities soon makes it difficult to determine who's married to whom. Despite best intentions, the result is a rather sick and incestuous biological orgy, which may explain why the most repulsive and socially inept members of the human species are often also the leading microbiologists.
When habitation of a living host is impossible or impractical, simulated bipedal life forms such as lawn gnomes and pink plastic flamingos can serve as temporary lodging. As such, the World Health Organization warns against the use of such decor, a position that leading experts like Christopher Lowell have been preaching for years.
[edit] Role of Viruses in Human Society
Viruses perform a vital role in society, bringing people faith, love, joy and eventual destruction. Some scientists suggest that viruses play an important role in wiping out the weak and evil. The main problem with this theory is viruses' tendency to attack the strong and good, thus making them the weak and evil. One must not discount a virus's role in organised religion. Thousands of Americans fall victim to viruses every year only to be miraculously cured by gospel preachers. This allows the church to maintain their strong-hold on the deluded public of their world. Viruses also bring families together. How many people have only realised the true worth and scabbiness of a relative when their life is threatened by smallpox? Viruses also eliminate the problem of wagging, skiving and malingering by creating a real need for laziness, and so abolishing one of the Western World's biggest downfalls. No one ever chucks a sicky in Tanzania, because they are all actually dying.
[edit] What Would Life Without Viruses Be Like?
Life without viruses would be a very lonely place. Mostly due to the absence of something to talk about at the coffee machine. People would become living divine gods that would then colonize other worlds and systems and eventually becomes viruses themselves. The end result would still bring a rather large case of wombats regardless of where you would go.
[edit] From Wikipedia
"Viruses have genes and show to complex molecules."
