The Cheese String Theory Incident

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When God created the Universe, He exploded a very small pizza (the singularity of italian food). This created an enormous amount of time, space and very hot strings of cheese which actually hold the universe together. The Universe is expanding and it is now considered by some that at some point in the future either the strings will snap and we all splat on someones pavement or, currently the most flavoured theory, the string will cool and become edible and this will solve all our food related problems.

How the universe ends depends on how well the cheeses have aged. There are two forks and one spoon in the possibility flowchart:

1. Big Bite: The Universe will collapse back to a singularity curd, as per the Unified Cheese Theory
2. Eat Death: The Universe will expand forever into staler and blander cheeses until no one wants to eat anymore cheese, and all cheese evaporates via Burger King radiation.
3. Stay Still: The expansion of the Universe will gradually slow as the cheese cools and hardens and everything will remain static.
4. Heat Death: The laws of Thermodynamics, though some argue that they are just a theory and not a fact, indicates that the mean temperature of the Universe will level off, melting the cheese strings, causing everything to collapse into a giant pizza.
5. Cheese Smushing......And Then Reformation:The Universe will collapse, explode with a great cheesey curd thingy, and then, re-explode, and come back as a giant piece of swiss and cheddar cheese mix.

[edit] Critisisms of The Cheese String Theory

There are a great many people who are lactose intolerant and thus are unable to eat cheese, dairy products or even partake in kitten huffing and are therefore grumpy and prone to bouts of flatulence and diarrhea. Subsequently, these irritated souls oppose the Cheese String Theory and have campaigned alongside the minor deities Grumpy and Lactase Jesus for an alternative, the reason being that when the cheese cools and the Universe ends as we know it, they will suffer inordinately as the tiny pixies of pain will inflict anguish on their buttocks with tiny forks and other instruments of pricking. Pity really.

Christianity - But seriously... is there anything they don't oppose?

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