Terrorism
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 A message from Al Qaeda |
| UNAMERICAN |
| This article hates America, just like everyone else does. See more about Unamerica. |
“Long gone are the days when you can see a package on a train or bus and think "I'm having that"”
~ Oscar Wilde on terrorism
“You will pay for your arrogance Americans! You have defiled the people of...um...line?”
~ Hous bin Pharteen on Terrorism
Terrorism is a branch of marketing. It was invented by John Gay Hitler, along with the help of Joseph Stalin, who didn't die in 1953 and Adolf Hitler who is now disguised as Osama bin Laden. Who has about 47 brothers and sisters. Unlike other dishonest marketers who sell you ugly cookies loaded with dangerous trans fats or homes that are on BTK serial killer's regular visiting list, terrorists sell you undiluted terror without naked booty love.
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[edit] The mother of all terrorism
The promoters of terrorism were small mom and dad popcorn retailers. These poor business people used up their retirement funds to build large and beautiful popcorn eating halls hoping to make their money back. However, none of these popcorn eating halls were any useful. People just did not show up.
One day, an angry mob killed some ungrateful non-consumers in her own desert popcorn hall. The killing, witnessed by some innocent passer-by school children, was soon popularized in town. In a couple of hours, people gathered in front of the popcorn hall demanding to see more pay per view killings. That angry mom sold each of them a bag of hot and tasty popcorn, and killed someone in the hall once the popcorn eating seats were all occupied.
And the rest is history.
[edit] Terroirism
Terrorism shouldn't be confused with terroirism, which is a movement that originally began in France. Terroirists insist that sparkling wine originating from places other than France should not be labelled champagne, and will employ any means necessary to enforce their creed. Anti-terroirist measures include dumping large volumes of Jacobs Creek cuvee on the market at below cost. Terrorism shouldn't also be confused with tourists. You can neogiate with terrorists, but definately not with tourists. The summer of 2004 a few civilians lost thier limbs due to attempting to neogtiate with the dreaded tourists. Rule of thumb, remain far, far, FAR away from tourists. Thank You
[edit] Vandalism
Another very famous -ism, vandalism is not to be confused with terrorism. Vandalism is trite and meaningless degradation of an otherwise important or meaningful object. What is known as cyber-terrorism is not to be confused with vandalism. Not. Confused. Terrorism. Do not. The Honkey-tonk avant-garde movement of the 19th century is not vandalism, or terrorism. pop music is an example of vandalism. If this had instilled terror in you, it might be misconstrued as terrorism.
[edit] Why Terrorists Love The United States of America
While all of us in the "civilized" world are driving overly large SUVs and stuffing ourselves with giant hamburgers, thinner members of Al Queda (and all its supporters/the USA's enemies) are stuck in tents in the middle of nowhere (formerly a republic of Afghanistan), banging anything they can get their hands on including Yaks, Mountain Goats or anything that resembles Omar Shariff.
Talks are currently being held between terrorists and the rest of the World with the proposal to open the USA as a sort of Disneyland for terrorists, letting them go nuts with such landmarks as Texas, fat people and the possibility for them to claim back some oil. If such proposals go ahead, the terrorists have requested to be re-branded as "Helpers".
-PENTECOSTAL TERRORISTS- The word terrorist actually comes from a mixture of two words. The first word is TERRORST, the second is NICKLEBACK. This is because once upon a time in 23bc, there was a family of 4 in america on TERROR ST that became really really angry. These people then began to do nasty things to the country by ways of hiring private jets funded by their singing talents (aka death screams). They also believe in nickleback as a godly insight into the world...Which is why they lend the I in nIckleback to make the word TERRORIST... This is pentecostal terrorism.
[edit] A Recent Incident
The events that took place in Boston concerning the distribution of “bomb like” cartoon advertisements would seem to indicate that Boston's citizens can't handle life on their own. It aptly demonstrates that it should be the job of the government and media to spoon-feed them their thoughts and emotions. Art in the post 9/11 world is unacceptable! Individuality is a sign of a potential terrorist. Liberalism is a conspiracy perpetrated by Muslim extremists for the weakening of American fortitude and defensibility.
There is only one way to make sure nothing like this happens again: never do anything ever again. This way you can be sure you don't forget your bagged lunch on a subway car and shut down an entire metropolitan area. One must also take care to dispose of everything they own that contains batteries and wires, all these objects are threats to America. Also, any object or media that contains any objectionable material, such as a curse word or an odious hand gesture should be considered as a possible explosive as it is obviously angry, unstable, unhappy, and anti-government.
One major way you can help authorities identify and apprehend criminals and terrorists, is to dress in plain, slim fitting clothes. Most baggy clothes are worn to conceal drugs or weapons. Clothes with bright colors, strange patterns, medallions, or other aspects out of the norm should be considered as a sign that the wearer may be from a different country with a different culture. Many times, these cultures can be filled with hatred toward freedom, and that hatred can lead to violence against American citizens. Consider this as you choose the clothes that you buy and wear. Make sure your look clearly and loudly says “white American.” This way, authorities can more easily single out foreign enemy combatants and give them their one way trip to Guantanamo Bay.
These measures could be considered by some to be over the top, but let me assure you, those doubters are liberals and cowards. It is our civic obligation to make sacrifices to better protect our country. The things you must sacrifice are your individuality, privacy, your trusting of others, and your general mental well-being. In this era of humanity where there are evil elements that wish to destroy our very way of life, we must give up our way of life to protect it! The only way to save yourself from the coming discord is to live in constant fear. The only way to know what to do with this fear and whom to direct it toward is to watch mainstream news and to listen to all your elected officials have to say. These people hold these positions because they are very smart and they want to use this intelligence for your best interests.
by doing this we will let the terrosrists win equalling no more bombings in the united states of emerica(the craphole) and the terrorists will just get bored andd start bombing mecca for no appparent reason( terrorists have to be bombing somewhere
Of course if you are really brave you can invite terrorism by dipicting Muhammad as a terrorist. They you will know terrorism for sure...
[edit] List of Known Terrorists
- Republican Party
- Democratic Party
- Anonymous
- Austin Ibrahimi Muhammed Suqi
- George W. Bush
- Mickey Mouse
- Burger King
- Vin Diesel
- John Basedow
- Fred Phelps
- Your Mother
- You
- Trogdor
- Dora the Explorer
- Homsar
- Wikipedia
- Neopets
- Nickelodeon
- That bloke that lives next door
- Gordan Brown
[edit] See also
- Terrorist
- I Can't Believe It's Not Terrorism
- Bring a Terrorist to Work Day
- Sea World
- UnNews:Pakistani protesters burn effigy of themselves.
