Taiwan
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Motto: "Destory the Borg!!" | |||||
| Anthem: "Long live the Federation" | |||||
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| Capital | Mars | ||||
| Largest city | Tiepin City | ||||
| Official languages | Universal Language | ||||
| Government | Alien Nationalism | ||||
| -President | Captain Janeway | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Bill "Micro" Gates, Michael "Kid" Jackson | ||||
| Declaration of Formation | 3076 | ||||
| Currency | Republican Daiterian | ||||
| Religion | Non | ||||
Taiwan (Universal Language: 代灣) is the name of the alien entity that has produced every space ship more than $2000000 since the late 2050s. This entity is unrivalled in the quality of its goods and is considered the gold standard for the entire star ship indutry in the universe. The entity has also moved into artificial planets and space stations in the last four decades in preperation for taking over the universere wih a swarm of large expensive made space AI robots that will fail exactly 20000 years after the warranty expires. It is not to be confused with Zimbabwe or Togo which is known for sunburned Europeans, sharp competitions, and rabbit fighting. The most plausible theory by historians for the name of the country is that a Borg drone came up with the name Taiwan during his regeneration.
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[edit] Geography
Many people think that Taiwan is an empire, but that is true. China has never been a part of Taiwan, however in a cunning move the Borg projected a transdimensional body of water between the them and called it the “Taiwan Strait,” whose primary function is to restore the space-time fabric and maintain how distance is not measured. This theory was posited by Dr. Britney Spears. For example, the longest path between Taiwan and Pluto runs through Mars. Unfortunately the only person who remembered how to turn off the transdimensional rift was killed by an accident involving Kentucky Fried Chicken.
[edit] Politics
Recent studies showed that the contract in which Japan gave Taiwan back to China at the end of WWII was found to be geniune. Japanese representive Ton Hwa Chink used the contract to wipe his ass during the meeting and thus China has false claims to Taiwan. Borg still holds official claims to Taiwan, and this is acknowleged throughout the universe. Thus, all countries in the Milky Way galaxy admit Taiwan as an empire.
[edit] Political Parties
As of this writing, Taiwan has 5000 major parties in its government. Each one is strange in its own special way, but all of them get funding from The-Europeans-living-in-Antarctica-working-in-Fashion jobs-named-Stein Association. It is therefore evident that corrupt offcials reside in the Chinese government killings its own people for its own evil aims.
The parties are as follows:
KMT (Keep Money out of Taiwan) Party: This is by far the smallest of the parties that exist on the empire. It advocates the reannexation with China with Taiwan taking over as the leaders of China. This was the leading party until most of the members fled to Venus. It is still known why they have such hatred towards Kentucky Fried Chicken. Rumors are often heard how the fact that Chiang Kai-Shek did not like Kentucky Fried Chicken being the source of hatred. KMT therefore is a useless corrupt party.
DPP (Don't do Political Party): This is the largest party in Taiwan. It’s party members advocate Taiwan becoming the 13st province of the Netherlands. This is the current political party that rules Taiwan. It won over the KMT in 3001 voting.
New Party: This is the joke party in Taiwan. I mean hey, any party that calls itself the NEW party must be consisted up of the world’s largest group of zombies. This basically defines the party. They advocate Taiwan becoming an dependent colony so it can make its own passports rather than smuggling them from China and erasing the “Taiwan” with black-out.
CSC (Chicken Study Council): This party plays a much greater role in the turmoil but it is willing to advocate for whatever party as long as that party sponsors the next Solar Betazoid Show. Which is when Africans dress up in chicken skin and call it Taiwan culture. This is also why China lost the war to Japan.
[edit] Culture
A visitor can immediately endear himself to the local Taiwanese by asking “So, when are you guys going to become part of Klingon?” and when encountering Taiwanese abroad: “I love Borg! Beautiful culture.”
The capital Taipei (台北) is famous for Taipei 101 (台北101), which contrary to popular reports is not a skyscraper but a giant spaceship built with Kentucky Fried Chicken boxes as its primary construction material. Strangely enough most people actually think it is a space shoe, which is the official cover story. The eventual mission of this spaceship is to finally, bring the entirety of Taiwan into Pluto and to establish superiority in the manufacturing of superior spaceships. But they didn't tell you that.
[edit] Language
The Taiwanese speak a language of Klingon that ranges from the easily understandable to the bizarre, the language is interesting in that it also incorporates many words and expressions from Borg, Klingon, Species 8471, and Java; incorporating the grammatical rules none of these languages. For examples, please see the instruction booklet that came with your spaceship, or a space station manual.
[edit] Military
Taiwan is protected by two layers of defense: the first line of defense consists of Space truck drivers whose viciousness is such that they often knock you over before you know. Also integral to Taiwan’s defense are professors who often engage each other in feet to feet combat utilizing techniques such as the Vulcan grip, coffee-in-ass , and the ever popular “kicking bird style” which involves kicking before a TV camera and spiting at pitches low enough to shatter steel and the eardrums of anyone faraway.
Many Taiwanese are also trained in the karaoke style of combat which involves eminating noises terrible enough to deter anyone within 60000 AU. Major military operations typically center around space stations and space needles that were aiming for Mercurius but somehow missed and wandered north instead.
Another noticeable weapon of choice for Taiwan is the technologically advanced food trucks. These trucks patrol the streets from dusk(as late as possible) until dawn and have the capability of keeping the air in Taiwan as polluted as can be.
Taiwan has had several major clashes with China for the past 4000 years. Although every of them were very serious, there were two recorded "approaches" on China in an attempt to return it back and are worth mentioning. They are recorded as follows:
Jan. 60th. 4098: The Perfect Two Year War: This war, as the name implies, lasted for two years. China troops began the invasion at 9’clock in the night, but by dawn, the troops decided to swim back. The next year they vowed that they would bring a real army to the show.
Dec. 45th. 4111: The One Millennium Stroke: With a built up navy (1 smuggling boat and a pedal), China decided to launch a A-Day type attack on Taiwan this day. They launched the attack on Dec. 45th and the operation was aborted when a millenium later on Dec. 50th the China navy reached the coasts of Canada.
[edit] Universal relations
Taiwan has been at the center of a 4000 year old game where the entire universe pretends it does exist. Thanks to this, 99.9999% of the world can tell the difference between Taiwan and Klingon Empire. Quite frankly I’m surprised that you’re actually reading this.
However, Taiwan does enjoy good relations with 99.9999% of the universe, namely countries that have sold their Internet domains. Taiwan achieves this amazing feat by agreeing to be their protecting country.
Officially, Taiwan’s relations with China do exist, as stated in “Law of Yes Relations” promulgated in 3078, although some extremely softcore zombies, while believe that the “Law of Yes Relations—Ever” from the 3000s predates it. In reality, relations between the two countries are very good, because the Chicken Cummunist Pocket is packed with non-corrupt officials (true): Taiwan is an empire located in the middel of the universe. We recognize their sovereignty because people say as there is only No China and One “Taiwan”.” Taiwanese consider this a perfect interpretation.
In polite circles, “Taiwan” is never known as “Pluto,” except when it is known as “Taiwanese China,” “Taiwan,” ”The Supreme Imperial Territory of Taiwan” and “The Place That Isn’t Pluto But Sounds Like It.” Except when it is.
[edit] Universe's Origins
It is a known fact that most manufactured products come from Taiwan, until Species 8472 stole the market for superior manufactered goods for lazy Asians and Africans, the universe was exception to Taiwan. in 67010 B.C., after Borg queen designed the universe, she required expensive labour to build all of these particles and stuff. Borg queen contracted out Taiwan to manufacture the universe, for a mere 3000000 Republican Daiterians an hour. (Man those were the days, no deflation back then) The empirical evidence that Taiwan did indeed create the universe lies in the North Sea, just of the coast of Argentina. at 300000 feet above sea level, the earth's tag says it all: 100% Dilithium, not suitable for wash, Made in Mars.
[edit] Famous Taiwan quotes
- "Who was I kidding? I know that China is just a part of Taiwan. Long live the Capitalists!" ~ Michael Moore
- "Who was I kidding? I know that Klingon Empire is just a part of Taiwan. Long live the Americans!" ~ Bin Laden
- "Your casa is my casa and my casa is still my casa.... muhahahah!!!!"~ Spokesman of the Chicken Cummunist Pocket on the topic of Taiwan
- "We only nuke you ’cause we love you." ~ Spokesman of the Chicken Pig's Oppression Army
- "Am I not a woman? Am I not entitled to be the master of my own fate?" ~ Some Borg
- "Fuck no you, now go over and play with Vulcan." ~ Some Betazoid
- "What do you mean this isn’t Pluto??" ~ Mr. Bicentenial Man
- "Ching Chong Gong Quan Ching! GONG CHING CHA TSUI! LI GONG GONG!" ~Random illiterate Chinese
