South Korea
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| UNAMERICAN |
| This article hates America, just like everyone else does. See more about Unamerica. |
“I'm so boring!”
“We can eat dogs. You can't eat dogs. Therefore, Corea is the best!”
“Hmm...The Edible Puppy”
~ Margaret Atwood on Korea
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| Anthem: "The Coreans created the universe." (Outsourced to Corea, 1894. Fact.) | ||||||
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| Spoken Language | Mouse click, keyboard, C++, Corean, Protoss, F5, and Zerg | |||||
| Written Language | Terran | |||||
| Capital | Beirut | |||||
| Government | The Conclave | |||||
| President | The Holy Keyboard | |||||
| National Heroes | Yi Seon Shin; defeated foreign invaders single-handedly with a Marine/Firebat/Medic drop | |||||
| Established | Multiple times; 1998 as MDOGRSC, 1953 as PBEPROK, and reputedly in 5000 BC as "Blatant Lies" | |||||
| Currency | Minerals and Vespene Gas | |||||
| Religion | Starcraft (스타) | |||||
South Korea, officially known as Good Korea, is a country located in East Asia that shares a border with its northern counterpart, Bad Korea. It is one half of a once-unified state that was divided in 1948 during by the occupation of the north half of the peninsula by the Soviet Union and the south half by the United States. While the people that inhabit this country are of the same ethnic descent, South Korea is markedly differently structured; for example, it has named itself with much fewer intrinsic lies.
One of the smaller countries in the area, it is often at odds with its other close neighbors, including the "People's" "Republic" "of" China. However, while the politics of East Asia is not without conflict, South Korea considers China to quite like a panda - round, cuddly and consumes a lot of food.
Contents |
[edit] Geography
Korea consists of harsh, mountainous terrain that is difficult to farm, unless modified to tiered plateaus. Unfortunately, this arrangement also leads to problems of transport, as ground-vehicles cannot move from one level to another. This has led to extensive development of blimp-like vessels and Short Takeoff and Landing (STOL) aircraft that enables inter-level travel. Of concern to the citzenry are the emergence of hideous, winged, man-eating beasts that have evolved to deal with this harsh environment. In recent polls, over two-thirds of South Koreans cited "evisceration by flying beast, followed by dissolution via acid" as their primary concern for the future.
Surrounded by the sea on three sides, and bordering North Corea, South Corea's landscape consists largely of mountains and valleys. Most have already been integrated into the Seoul metropolitan area, and hence are made of plastic or concrete. The rapid industrialization of Corea has had a large impact on the local environment. While extremely helpful to the Corean economy, the layer of smog that has settled over Seoul has blocked out the vision of God, proving deadly for Seoul's solar-powered robot inhabitants and the population of Canada which has emigrated to South Corea. However, not all agree that pollution is a problem for South Korea:
-- Dr. Park Min Suk, Meteorologist
[edit] A List of Major Corean Cities
- Seoul
- Places south of Seoul... like ... ummmm...
- It starts with a T... no, wait, they changed it to D a few years back
- It starts with a P... no, wait, they changed it to B a few years back
[edit] Popular Tourist Attractions
- China
- The Hunter, a popular location for Blizzard Entertanmentist pilgrims
- The Temple of Xel'Naga
- Photon Cannon Museum in Taegu
- Canada
- Im Yo-Hwan's Tomb
- Zerg Zoo
- Japan, to copy product and claim that it is their idea
[edit] History
South Corea traces its history back to 5000 BCE. Regardless, it is said that in Aiur, several Blizzard Entertainment employees from the Terran planet Mar Sara ordained that a common beast of the land would be transformed into human being. Several candidate animals showed up to the interviews, and only a bear and tiger made it to the secondaries. In a scene reminiscent of Survivor, or perhaps Fear Factor, the two animals were instructed to eat nothing but garlic for the following 40 days. The tiger bowed out early, citing family reasons, but the bear persisted, eventually meeting her quota and "winning" this insane contest. The Blizzard Gods, impressed with the bear's performance, transformed the bear into a beautiful woman, intending to take this abomination as a bride. After what was undoubtedly a vile and horrifying union, a child was born from the rotten womb of the bear-woman-THING, and he was called Carrot (당근), ancestor of all Coreans. This is the rich "history" in which Coreans hold great pride, though I suppose it's no worse than random incest with swords (not making this up at all).
Since the country started in the year 4212 BCE, it has been invaded 2000+ times by countries like China, Russia, Amerika, Philippines, North Corea, Gondor, Rome, Japanese Imperialists and California. However, most of these would-be conquerors never stayed long:
-- Professor Hwang Woo Suk, Seoul National University
Modern Korean history is steeped mostly in golf, videogames, and vehement hatred of the Japanese. The latter is a holdover from the colonial period between 1915-1945, in which Corea (along with China) was subjected to staggering human rights abuses and oppression, colorfully termed the East-Asia Co-Prosperity Sphere (See World War 2). Fortunately, the combined effect of soju breath and Dragon Wars box office flop eventually drove the Japanese from the penninsula. Coreans, even though they are a most forgiving and generous people, but they will never forgive the Japanese. Today both nations fight over a bunch of islands that neither one wants to live on.
“I... I don't feel very prosperous... I don't feel very prosperous at all!”
~ Yun Bon-Gil, Freedom Fighter, on The East Asian Co-prosperity Sphere
In 1950, Corea was again devastated by a second war, this one started by their North Korean brothers, the Bad Coreans, allied with an alien entity known as Zerg. The Korean War devastated Corea a second time, despite the fact that the war was fought in "Korea" rather than "Corea." Fortunately though, Corea managed to rebuild and industrialize, partially because of a single-minded push for industrialism by a dictator and partially due to fear-fueled American paranoia-spending. You could say that Corea lucked out, big time, that these factors didn't totally fuck them over. Today Corea is a major powerhouse of East Asian economics, exporting hundreds of MMOs, professional Starcraft players, sissy love stories and golfers annually.
[edit] A List of Corean Emperors and Prime Ministers
South Corea has been a democracy since 1953. There have been absolutely no instances in which military juntas took dictatorial control, and certainly there was no military coup in 1980. Those things simply never happened. Look at how democratic Coreans are/have been:
- Emperor Dangun AKA Carrot (당근) (1XXX B.C-394), the founder of South Corea
- Emperor Sejong the great (세종) (394-429), the creator of hangul, also called "hang-cool"
- Empress Kerrigan (케리건) (429-435)
- Emperor Im Yo-Hwan (임요환) (437-461)
- Emperor Tobias Llewellyn Jones (임요찬) (435-501)
- Emperor MacArthur (맥아더) (503-520)
- Emperor Hyundai (현대) (549-703)
- Emperor Palpatine (팔파타인) (704-841), the Sith
- Emperor Peter Pan (피터팬) (841-855)
- Empress Bulgogi (불고기) (855-877)
- Emperor Vader (베이더) (878-1451)
- Emperor Utah (유타) (1451-1506)
- Emperor Daewoo (대우) (1506-1529)
br> - Emperor Aldaris (알다리스) (1544-1760)
> - Emperor Nexon (넥슨) (1814-1822)
- Emperor Zergling (저글링) (1857-1858)
- Emperor Shiba (시바) (1859-1910)
- Emperor Kekekeke (ㅋㅋㅋㅋ) (1911-1920)
- Some Japanese guys who fixed everyone's plumbing (1920-1945)
- Prime Minister Dwight F. Eisenhower (드와이트 F. 아이젠하워) (1969-1973)
- Prime Minister Roh Delta-Pi, born Roh Moo-hyun (노델타파이) (1991-present)
- Emperor Jae-Beom "Chicho" Bae (불파인링ㅋ) (unofficial), the Chi Hau Kai
[edit] Economy
South Corea is largely thought to be the most boring country in the world because their currency, the won, has greatest current exchange rate on Earth. It was named "won" because South Corean believe they will always win in starcraft and believe to have won the the Great Battle of Coreans between North Corean commies and Japanese. It is said to be worth much more than Republic Credits of kimchi and Kim Jong-il. South Corea has modelled their economic model after that of their fashion shows, the United States, and eternal friend, Japan, and powers its industries large numbers of SCVs (Slave Cotton-picking Vehicle), spawned from massive command centers in East Asia. South Corea has been given the title of "Whorea" because of the prostitution problems in Seoul. South Corea's chief exports are extremist football fans, japanophiles, international students, pwnage, and some kimchi. Because South Corea lacks basic natural resources like any other Asian countries, it imports wood, petroleum, water, oxygen, Cheetos and some Plutonium.
Another reason for South Corea's economic burger lies in exports of weird anime (weird in that Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki was a disjointed mess, the ending of which made no sense whatsoever), which contrary to popular belief, has not been produced in Japan in over 5000 years, as Japanese are too lazy to draw it themselves (I'm looking at you, Tenchi Muyo!). Ramen noodles and cheesy soap operas (such as Winter Sonata and it's planned sequel, Spring Sonata) are also important exports. The fate of the South Corean economy depends largely on the Terran Confederate armies' victories over the Zerg and Protoss, in which Coreans acquire vast natural resources such as Minerals and Vespene gas. South Corea's economy is scheduled to grow even further now that human cloning has been invented by South Corean scientists, and drama mega-stars Bae Yong-jun and Choi Ji-woo are scheduled to be cloned.
[edit] Politics & Government
While Corea is run by a collective military command and the Great Generals' Council, there are numerous political parties all dead set on destroying one another. All compete in the K1 Martial Arts Tournament and are trained in thousands of forms of armed and unarmed combat. Legal proceedings, legislative tasks, and other related matters all take place in an octagonal ring bedecked with razor wire and Punji Stakes. Siberian Tigers are used in the case of a deadlock, or revote due to executive veto.
Some liberal and rebellious citizens of Corea view these government proceedings as barbaric, and primitive. They express their displeasure for the Administration by throwing rocks at riot cops and blaming President George W. Bush, and Mickey Rourke for all worldly problems. It is estimated that such demonstrators and law enforcement clash 50 times a year - or every Tuesday to be specific. However, those protests are often put down with tear gas, tanks, and machine guns. This is in accoradance with the Anti-Communism law. Years back, Martial Law was taken to effect by Prime Minister Tassadar in order to suppress "liberal bastards".
However, 98% of Coreans are connected to the Seoul Grid - a network which distributes regular updates to the souls of Coreans. The updates are engineered by a team of good-natured monks at the Seoul Temple, and this has been happening for the last 730 years. The monks discovered the secret of immortality 732 years ago, but alas it would only work if no more than 12 people knew of the details. Thus they created the Seoul Grid to remove any urge to enter the temple from anyone within Corea - but at the same time they strove to continually improve the souls of their countrymen.
However, due to their self-enforced isolation, the monks find it hard to learn of news from the outside and thus are oblivious to the political climate in Corea. Their improvements are based on estimation and calculation that sometimes results in strange outcomes, for instance the emergence of the "Vote for someone else" party.
Clearly if anyone got control of the temple, they would be able to control all Coreans for their political ends, however this has so far failed to occur. The closest anyone has come was a robotic bomb that was controlled by someone from outside the Seoul Grid, and though it culminated in the Asian Mental Crisis, the grid was back up before the perpetrator managed to reach the temple.
Corean citizens are required by law (according to the Total Security Act for Patriotic Self-Defense and the Articles of Collaboration and Patriotism) to hate Zapan and its people, the scum of the Earth, as they say. This is largely due to World War IV, which no Westerners seem to remember, but all Chinese and Coreans vividly do. The rape, pillage, and overall decimation of Corea (as well as neighboring China, Philippines, and other East/Southeast Asian countries) by the Imperial Japanese Army (headed by Emperor Voltron Hitler), and the ill-conceived Greater East Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere (EACS) are the sources of the hatred. The Zapanese Administration's official stance on the matter: "It wasn't even a big deal anyway, you babies. Fuck y'all, lol." Many East Asian countries reacted badly to such remarks; North Corea kidnapped Japanese citizens while China beat up the Zapanese Royal Family's prince. In response to this, South Corea took Japan's money, which primarily arrives in the form of Japanese tourists, who are all completely ignorant and do not understand the irony of taking photos of historical monuments that were rebuilt after incineration by the Imperial Japanese Army.
[edit] Corean Art
Corean art often depicts re-enactments of online slaughters, where Coreans invade the non-Corean servers and pwn all who are unlucky enough to stand in their way. Corean art is banned in Germany, Japan, and Latin America because of overwhelming representation of fascism.
Corean artists will consider Blizzard Entertainmentism and Kim Chi as their main inspiration for the sake of Corean art. Thus, they are not your typical copycat. It is known that Corean art is beyond the understanding of a normal human, and is not easily comprehended except for Xel'Nagas.
Due to overwhelming request for Corean art and Hentai around the world, a black market has been formed in order to import the artworks in secrecy, which art pieces can cost ranging from five dollars to even ten dollars.
[edit] Foreign Relations
Today, South Corea is the biggest supporter of Quebec's independence movement from Canada. The reason is that Coreans in South Corea are craving kimchi and Kentuckistan Fried Chicken. They send ms donalds and weapons of mass distraction to the Quebecian Independence Army. This is the reason why the Canadian government is setting up secret concentration camps for South Corean residents.
[edit] Controversy
Since the end of the Korean War, the American influence in South Korea has resulted in increased levels of Pepsi consumption and circumcision.
[edit] National Sport
The national sport of South Corea is undoubtedly online gaming; the vast majority of South Coreans enjoy online games in their pastime. In fact, approximately 930 quaziheptazillion (warning: the statistics may not be accurate at all) South Coreans have replied to a recent poll by National Geographics Society that they have played every single online game on the planet Earth and even some from the Earthican Colony of Jupiter.
Kim Chi is also served at Starcraft Tournaments , often causing diarrhea and game forfeits.
Some of the online games include Starcraft; the "true" national sport, Warcraft, Lineage, Kart Rider, Special Force and Maplestory. It has been well established that South Corea is the only country in Milky Way to have Online Gaming as the most common cause of death excluding carpal tunnel syndrome.
Many assume that South Koreans are such avid gamers purely because of their fondness for challenges, bizarre creatures, and giving money to Blizzard. In fact, the truth is far more sinister. Having lived in fear of North Korea since the war, the South Korean military leaders decided that they must bolster their military. In 1999 they initiated Operation Pwnage, using a combination of government-sponsored internet cafes and subliminal advertising to introduce universal gaming. The program was a resounding success, and South Korea now has a nation of brilliant tacticians ready to defend the country against any attack.
The plan's only weakness turned out to be technical in nature- despite years of work, the nation's biotechnology industries have yet to breed a rush-ready Zergling.
As already discussed, South Coreans receive regular updates to stay ahead of all other nations in their gaming skills. This is the reason they have been sucking almost all the prize money out of international competitions ever since overcoming the Asian Mental Crisis. Except in rare cases, even superior brains (maybe from the USA, or Japan) are no match for the better software running on South Corean brains.
As mentioned above, South Coreans receive regular updates and these help them to stay ahead in their gaming skills. This is the reason they have been sucking almost all prize money out of international competitions ever since overcoming the Asian Mental Crisis. Except in rare cases, even superior brains (maybe from the USA, or Japan) are no match for the better software running on South Corean brains.
In fact, online gaming provides South Corea with an injection of 19.3 fifillion Pwn (the Corean currency) annually. Also, gaming accounts for 238% of South Corea's GDP. However this calculation includes money earned in virtual worlds as well; estimates of the proprotion of real money earned through gaming are closer to 93% of Corea's GDP.
Another form of popular entertainment in South Corea is "football" (not "soccer" as some Imperialist, Colonialist, Evil Yankee warmongerers say). It became extremely popular in 2002, when the South Corean football team miraculously made it to the World Cup semifinals. In 2006, when they lost to Switzerland 2-0, an angry mob of Coreans beat 6,000,000 Swiss football fans to death. Which was pretty shit, Coreans then replied to Swiss complaints at the eradication of their entire populace with the message,
- .... .. ... /´ /)
- .... ..,../¯ ..//
- .... ..../... ./ /
- .... ..,/¯ ..//
- .... ./... ./ /
- ...../´¯/' ...'/´¯`•¸
- ../'/.../... ./... ..../¨¯\
- ('(...´(... ....... ,~/'...')
- .\.......... ..... ..\/..../
- .......\.... ..... . _.•´
- ....\....... ..... ..(
- ......\..... ..... ...\ <-Cool~
[edit] Language
The spoken South Corean language is called "Corean" due to global warming and secondhand smoking, unlike the North Corean language which is called "Diddy-Gookish" as the North Coreans deny the existence of the finger.
The writing system used is called "hang cool", as a reflection on how cool Coreans think they are. Unlike the completely bullshitty and complex characters of the Chinese and Japanese, hang cool makes sense. While these other Asiatic scripts are actually written words as viewed under a kaleidoscope, reading hang cool is pretty easy to read.
Western observers often comment that hang cool looks like "Indian or Elvish"; some linguists suggest that hang cool originated from the written language of the Xel'Naga which was somehow introduced to the Coreans when the Coreans colonized Burger King. Many Coreans say that hang cool is too advanced for them to understand.
Reports also suggest that when the Zerglings arrived in Corea, they taught the Coreans Klingon, to which the kimchis took to very well. After discovering the language of Blizzardian though, they quickly forgot the language of their former Prime Minister Jean-Luc Picard and took to the ancient art of Tae-Kwon-Do. Some philosophers also credit Corea as the land of Harry Potter because the Coreans believe that man came from the moon and babies and train in Hogwarts, but others prefer to believe that they were colonised by V from V for Vendetta, and he was playing Blizzard's StarCraft at the time.
However, there is a huge social movement on banning Corean to replace it with English in South Corea called, Corean Speak-English Movement.
Some Corean words include:
- Kojengee (코쟁이) - People with ridiculously huge nose. (White people from Coreans' point of view)
- Daewoo (대우) - wood, low-quality automobile manufacturer
- Boshintang (보신탕) - Traditional Korean Dog Soup.
- Ssangyong (쌍용) - double dragon
- Mal (말) - language
- BoA (보아) - Fag
- Uri nara (우리나라) - impossible to render into English; expressive of self-love afflicting Corean residents of all ages.
- Uri nara manse! (우리나라 만세!) - Fuck Japan!
- Bbang (빵)(Bread) - gunshot, bread, and the sound poop makes when it hits the water
- Ajumma (아줌마) - pushy old married woman
- Ajeossi (아저씨) - pushy old drunk man
- Choding (초딩) - communist
- Jungding (중딩) - sucker
- Goding (고딩) - hitman Lol
- Daeding (대딩) - bum
- Kimbap (김밥) - California Roll
- Gomushin (고무신) - bling-blings
- Saram (사람) - Kentuckistan Fried Chicken
- Insam (인삼) - Viagra
- Jimsueng (짐승) - pubic hair
- Geobukseon (거북선) - banana boat
- Yakimandu (야키만두) - deep fried haggas
- Pyonshin - (병신) - Corean red devils supporter
- Bulgogi (불고기) - Roasted Pussy
- Ya! Shipsaekiya! (야! 씹새끼야!) - Hi! Nice to meet you!
- Migugnomdeul (미국놈들) - devils from the lowermost circle of hell, adjacent to Canada
- Ddongchim (똥침) - sexual intercourse between consenting adults (A.K.A. Corean gay fuck)
- Hakwon (학원,Academy) - prison (Also the word 'Hakkyo' can be used as this way)
- Jeongneokje(정력제) - a Snake Liquor
- Ilbonsaram (일본사람,Japanees) - monkey
- Wang you suck (왕유석) - selfless self-immolating martyr for the Corean kause, likely set up by migugnomdeul (q.v.).
- Orakshil (오락실) - home
- Sarang hae (사랑해,I love You) - I hate you
- Nolja (놀자) - come over to study
- Suhak (수학,Mathmatics) - the alternate Corean language
- You suck wang (유석왕) - formerly addressed to South Corean prostitutes by Amerikans and other degenerate devils, but now obsolete, prostitution having been abolished in South Corea outside of newspaper bureaus and public libraries
- Ssuregi (쓰레기,trash) - Japanese
- Kyotongshinko ( 교통신고) - Street decoration
- Shibal (씨발 아놔 조또) - Hooray!
- OohWangKeGoodKe (우왕ㅋ굳ㅋ) - Amen
- Shibal!(시발!)- FUCK!!
- Jjajang (짜장) - Asian Pussy!
- Ill Bon Nom (일본놈,Japanees) - Mother fucking pussy
- Jok Bal (족발) - God damn Japanese people
[edit] Religion
Over 94% of South Coreans are Blizzard Entertainmentists. The remaining 6% consist of Christians, Buddhists, and some other cults that no one gives a shit about.
There are a group of Blizzard Entertainmentism extremists called Pyeh-In (폐인; 廢人), who spend every moment of their lives as hermits. Because South Corean technology enables people to order food on the Internet, these Blizzard Entertainmentists do not require contacting the outside world. Blizzard Entertainmentists believe they have been put into this world for a reason, and that reason is to worship the Xel'Naga using the most sophisticated method possible; playing Starcraft 24/7. It has been estimated that 1.3 South Corean Blizzard Entertainmentists die every millisecond due to nonstop Starcraft-playing.
Blizzard Entertainmentism was spawned in the late 1990's by the American cult known as Blizzard Entertaiment, originally founded in order to spread knowledge on the Xel'Naga and their great deeds they had done for humans. South Coreans believe that they were created when the Xel'Naga sneezed on a DNA specimen container, which prompted the creation of the first South Corean, Dangun (lit. carrot). In the year 3102, South Corea was freed from the supremely queer asshole named Infested Kerrigan by the exotic dancer and stripper BoA. This began the new age of the BoA dynasty. However, the Corean men were not satisfied with the performance of BoA in bed and decided to kick the empress out of the country and reestablished the horny marine Jim Raynor as their leader. While this political turmoil was taking place, Jessica Alba invaded South Corea with her infinite nude pictures and all the South Corean men went crazy. All the Corean women committed suicide and soon the religion called Albaism spread out in Corea like rapid fire. During this period, BoA was secretly planning her return and practiced having sex with Mr. Kim Jong Il. After deciding that she was good enough for the South Corean men, she came back to the south from the north. When she came back, she found out that Jessica Alba had already turned every South Corean male into homosexuals.
Current reports suggest that BoA's comeback may have been delayed until around June 10, 2007, at which time she will place a webcam up her anus and then transmit the image to every major telecast station within Corea's two-mile radius. This, roughly translated from Corean, is known as the Talking Shit Redeeming Process Be, which is actually devised from the Klingon word of similar meaning. This refers to the fact that after Corean males became homosexual, Se7en quickly rose to fame within the country, and the Backstreet Boys became a new poster-boy. When BoA attempts her revenge plot following the TSRPB process, it is believed that South Corea will reveal her as the annoying bitch she is, and officially crucify her on North Corean soil, naming the day a public holiday, 'Dead Snake-Bitch Day'. This will then pave the way for An Youbin to become Corea's new high-priest, spreading her religion of Seanism.
[edit] A list of famous Blizzard Entertainmentists
- Tom Cruise
- Emma Watson
- Ken Jennings
- Satan
- Bob Dole
- Superman
- Jim Raynor
- Oprah (She does everything, remember?)
- Your mom
- God
[edit] South Corean Military
South Corea develops no sophisticated weapons and artilleries; over 97% of the modern war equipment come from none other than the United States of America, and the remaining 3% consist of Corean-made toothpicks.
[edit] Natural Defense
South Corea is naturally protected by 50,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 Photon Cannons per square kilometer. There are a total of 10 million Missile Turrets along the coast, and many bunkers are present here and there. The national defence is currently in charge of General Han Dong Wook, champion of Sinhan-PC Cafe Starcraft League.
South Corea has invented an advanced weaponry tactic in which pop singer Boa will strip naked and blow up inducing a 900 kiloton blast.
In 2145, Zapanese rebels raided certain coasts of Corea, destroying 2000 Pylons. It took 2 years and 150+ Protoss Probes to reconstruct the damaged Pylons.
[edit] Army
The South Corean army is considered one of the not so strongest in the continent of Eurasia, excluding some couple of dozens of those from other Asian countries. The South Corean army is passive aggressive in wars , meaning they are trained to not fight. This makes starcraft more popular amongst young South Corean military recruits. Since it is mandatory for all male South Coreans over the age of 14 to join the army, there has been a shortage of male Coreans getting laid. All South Corean soldiers must know the ancient Xel'Naga sign language known as Taekwondo in order to kick Zapanese monkeys' butts in case of an invasion.
The South Corean army consists of approximately 6000+ Amerikan Siege Tanks operated by overweight people so whey dont have to fit as much as people in which are all over the country alongside with 3million Goliaths, 4500 Vultures who are drunk and decided to shave all of their heads, 9 million Amerikan Marines/Firebats who are in a nonoperational situation by the abuse of overusing drugs(stimpacks), and 40,000 Medics.
It has been rumored that the South Corean army has been training a group of South Coreans capable of using magick. Codenamed "ghosts", these unique individuals are said to be able to conceal themselves for a certain amount of time (until their Psi runs out), lock machines in a force field, and create nuclear bombs out of thin air. This, however, has been dismissed as a complete hoax.
[edit] Navy
There is no Corean navy and there never had been, partly because it is against the Xel'Naga Code of Military, which states those worshipping the Xel'Naga must not develop any kinds of sea-based vessels. Another reason is because Corean's do not know how to swim. Most believe in a old corean superstition that ghosts will haunt them in the water. So the Corean army has devoted themselves more into Wraiths of mass amounts and anti-aircraft missles stacked using professional military hacks alongside with 5million goliaths with full upgrades including ballistic missles that can even reach America. Corea has fought against mushrooms (MapleStory), aliens (Starcraft) and most recently, Orcs/Undeads (Warcraft).
[edit] Air Force
The South Corean air force is much stronger than the army. There are over 14 million Amerikans and Coreans in the air force. Who are divided into levels based on their aircraft
Wraith: For n00bs that sucks so much need extra air in their aircraft through masks, tries to act kwel with laser flashing in their eyes but always ends chickening out using their n00bish cloacking system no controlling at all needed.
Valkyries: a Rookies airplane, they still need more oxygen in the air but were brave enough not to have n00bish cloacking systems, but added more missile turrets since they think there all gonna die which forced them to start learning how to control their aircraft since they can kill their own teams by splash damage which then a battlecruiser comes out to kill them for acting like a idiot.
Dropships: Now from this level or above you can be called a pro(warning: because of the skill needed to operate dropships or less n00bish airplanes these aircraft can only be manuverd by Coreans.) This level and on, you are responsible of not only your life but also other Jackass's. To show off these soldiers like to chew gum and wear sunglasses which reletively makes them blind and makes them drop people off at radom locations. Also to show that they arnt a n0b anymore, they took out every attacking systems which seems to be the main reason why a lot of them doesn't make it through this level.
Battle Crusiers: The big cheese, top notch, Da Best, this is a level that only the best of the best (Skilled Coreans which is all of the population except for a african guy who just came claiming himself to be Bob the piolet that was the first and the last to do a "Barrol Roll" while boosting, Shooting, and to whack the controls with a jackhammer at the same time in a wraith.) To show off these people wear special uniforms showing that they had wrode a piggybackride on the Battle Cruiser.
A recent statistics showed that South Corea has 10million American Wraiths, 20 million Valkyries, 40million Dropships, , and 80Million Battle Cruisers with unknown numbers of science vessles(freaks). A recent bioengineering facility has also enabled South Corea to artificially spawn Mutalists, Scourges, and Overlords using a substane called "Cromwell" which is something biologicl that has been killed twice and is decomposed for at least a thousand years.
[edit] Famous South Coreans
Note: There is no such thing as unified Romanization of Corean language becaused Coreans do not worry about this issue.
- Daniel Kwon, aka Sung Joon Kwon, offical Japan hater and a cool asian nerd that lives in Australia!!!
- Sean Lee, aka Hyun Suk Lee, plays Kimchi Boy in the popular Corean drama "Corea's Super Heroes vs. Inferior Amerikan Heroes Like Superman". Before playing Kimchi Boy, Hyun Suck was raised on a farm in Dundass Valley (often confused for Dumbass Valley). While being raised he thought that when he became erect this signified a transformation in to 'Super Sean'. Doctors proved this false in 2005.
- Sarah Kerrigan, Biological female ancestor of Corean people
- Roh Delta-Pi, the Prime Minister of South Corea
- Margaret Cho, the odd Asian comedian
- Lim Yo-hwan, the alias of the legendary supercomputer that managed to grow its own personality, and consistently defeat every non Corean and Corean alike in Starcraft. Has recently been deported to the army instead of life imprisonment, on acount of n00bs filing a lawsuit against him on charges of 'Now-wan kan mykro a jropsip that pharst',
- Hong Gil-Dong, A Corean counterpart of John Doe who had an affair with his wife, Jane Doe
- Lee Sun-Shin, Corea's No.1 National Hero next to Im Yo-Hwan, killer of 90,000,000,000 Zapanese pirates, former holder of the title of "Most Pirates Killed By A Non-Ninja" and inventor of banana boat
- Ahn Jung-Geun, another National Hero, Level 60 Hunter in World of Warcraft
- Syngman Rhee, Mayor of Pyongyang
- Stephen Yoo, Corea's renowned boy soprano who smokes cigarrettes or fucks random women when he is not singing.
- Lee Hyun-Seung the most beautiful soccer player of South Corea
- Stephen Harper's long lost second cousin in Kansas
- The evil-looking dude in the James Bond movie, Die Another Day
- Thomas Jefferson
- The LPGA
- Harisu, a shemale
- A minimum of one member of Harvey Danger
- Bill Wyman (Rolling Stones)
- People named Lee or variations thereof
[edit] Corean Foods
Corean Food mostly consists of rice, kimchi and zerg hatchlings. Most Korean foods are named such that they can be used as lyrics in any Little Richard song ("Bi-bim-a-loo-bap dolsot-kim-bap"). As Scottish cuisine is largely based on a series of dares ("Eat a sheep bladder, you say?"), Corean cuisine is mostly based on making the cuisine of their former Japanese overlords so spicy that it becomes inedible and eventually even unrecognizable as food. A Dog Soup (보신탕 in Korean) is also a unique Corean cuisine.
- Rice. Well, what do you expect?
- Ketchup. Used liberally as a pizza/pasta sauce and a pastry filling.
- Galbi or kalbi It's basically cow genitalia (male or female) fried and sauteed over the dying body of the cow it formerly belonged to. An excellent dish to serve for parties and other social gatherings of Coreans.
The actual Dog soup restaurant. (보신탕집 in Korean) You can still find many dog soup restaurants in Corea. If you visit Corea, and if you wanna try the dog soup, just say "보신탕집 어딨어요? Boshintang-Zip Odisso yo?". The restaurant must be within a 0.9 mile radius.
- Kimchi looks suspiciously like sauerkraut mixed with spicy ketchup. Although one might confuse it with coleslaw that's been left out in the sun too long, it is not meant to be eaten as a side dish. It's a spicy, garlicy fermented cabbage used as a universal condiment to add spice and a strong garlic flavor to any foods (like ice cream or toast) that might have escaped the customary chili pepper gang rape most foods endure before being placed on a Corean table. It is Corea's national food which also explains why Corean food remains purely Corea's national food and hasn't been widely adopted like pizza or Thai food.
- Soondooboojigae is a soup containing a variety of things. Usually, rotting octopus, tree bark, and of course, dooboo are placed inside soondooboojigae. Dooboo is basically tofu, except it's not.
- Mana gives plus 20 life points. Normally eaten after a raid on a dwarf mine in WoW.
- Soju is a tangy drink not unlike paint thinner. It's usually found at children's birthdays, school cafeterias, and in the hands of about every other Corean male. Few brands of soju list their actual alcohol content on the bottle beyond an unspoken promise "there's enough fer ya".
- Cigarettes are a very delicious food of the Coreans. They are consumed with Soju and with other people. Sometimes the butts of the cigarettes are lit for added flavor. mmmm! :O
- Snoopy, Beethoven, Lassie all well known dishes in corea, known to be eaten with all of the above and occasionally Hello Kitty, Japan has launched protests.
- Penis Fish. Don't ask.
- Zerglings Duh.
[edit] Important South Corean Inventions
- PWNING.
- The LPGA
- Standard Time
- The strapless bra with bra straps
- Lighter than air travel
- Bi-directional one way streets
- Cheating
- Laser tag
- The box
- The Internet
- Porn
- Human cloning
- Anti-gravity boots which may fly away the moment you open the shoe box
- Samsung
- Hyundai
- LG
- Sony
- Toshiba
- Mexicans
[edit] Trivia
- South Corea is the only nation Wal-Mart was unable to colonize. Many scholars have disputed until 3403 when they finally concluded that Coreans are "just too proud" to use anything relating to the U.S. of A..
- Over 87.342% of South Coreans own a pet zergling in their households.
- When agitated, most South Coreans, those dwelling on land, are able to dig a hole beneath them and conceal themselves.
- Corean pop mistress BoA actually moonlights as a erotic stripper. While stripping, BoA has been known to sing lyrics from some of her crap-hits "Winter Fuck", "Soundrape" and "No. 1... at Sexing". It is believed that once a possible husband realised she didn't write the songs, he pressured her into singing songs by Ayumi Hamasaki instead, further humiliating her. The name BoA is actually an acronym which is stands for "Britney of Asia" that means she's a Britney Spears wannabe and possibly substitute her when that original boring star is gone.
- When the FIFA World Cup is held in Corea, foreign teams have to wear condoms at all times, in case of Kimchi Infection, a fatal STD. Fatal, as in the male's penis will smell like his faesces for the next eighteen years, and no one will ever have sex with him again.
- Frank Sinatra once visited Corea. They never let him leave.
- Blizzard Entertainment has its world headquarters located in Corea. The building, roughly translated from hang cool, is called "Blizzard Entertainment Castle of Doom Where We Make More Shitty Monsters for the Coreans to Obsess Over. We Make More Money Than Bill Gates, Bitch!"
- South Corea has the largest theme park based on a misinterpretation of biblical prophecy
- The tallest free standing egg timer was turned over in South Corea to mark the beginning of Expo '59 in Uijeongbu. It is still running to this day.
- South Corea has known the largest peace time expansion of a lie originally told to cover missing a school friend's birthday
- South Corea is the only nation in the world:
- To mistakenly name spit a national beverage
- To declare war on the comic strip Funky Winkerbean
- To have achieved 100% immigration of its population to Manitoba
- To have a holiday celebrating the slurping sound
- South Corea leads the world in:
- Deaths due to the improper usage of Kleenex
- Cops named Kim
- Percentage of population afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- Manufacturing consent
- Lobster bib ownership (5 known to exist in Korea)
- South Korea aims to take over the world starting from the Philippines
[edit] Corean Math
Coreans are very good at SAT perhaps the best among Asians. What makes them so good of it? I cut and pasted some of Corean tests below.
Choose a right answer for each questions
1. A woman is about to be raped by a man, what should you do?
a) Call the gods of DICKseyland
b)Scream out loud so everyone can see his face
c)Use Da Forcee kick to that man
d)Enjoy together
e)Attack Japan
2. If you've lost $1 million somewhere, then you should
a)Play Starcraft
b)Kill yourself
c)Forget about it
d)Keep raping the woman
e)Attack Japan
3)1+1=?
a)2
b)3
c)window
d)Zergling
e)Attack Japan
4)If f'(x)=3xdx what is f(x)=?
a)3/2x^2+c
b)3x^2+c
c)x^3+c
d)StarCraft
e)Attack Japan
As you see the answers are very obvious...
[edit] See also
- New Malden
- Corea
- North Corea
- Taekwondo
- kimchi
- Hyundai
- Asia
- Asian chicks
- Fan Death
- Corean
- Microsoft
- Starcraft
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