Sodomy
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“So-do-my-fa-so-la-ti...”
~ Julie Andrews explains her popularity in the gay community.
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Sodomy.
“Sodomy is like Chocolate Ice Cream, but it has STRAWBERRIES in it!”
~ Your second grade teacher who was shocked that you had asked
“ Ask and you shall recieve. ”
~ Jesus on sodomy.
“ To sodomy it's between God and me! ”
~ Angel Dumott Schunard.
Sodomy, a word often spoken in hushed whispers, is one of history's most baffling terms. Religious types gasp and swoon - even clutch their pearls at the word's very presence. Teenagers snicker at the mere mention of it, yet achingly yearn for its pleasures. Your mom screams and threatens to beat you if you say it "in her house" again, but it is something that your father has begged her to engage in behind closed doors. Yes, the act of sodomy is something that your parents have probably conducted with one another - and that my friends is what make science so exciting!
Still, instead of thinking about your parents having marital relations, the sweat and passion of it all as your mother and father act on their carnal desires, we must not dwell on that image, but instead get back to the matter at hand: the mysterious mystery of a term that sent both shudders of revulsion and ripples of titillation through even the purest of minds.
What is this "Sodomy" and why is it so important?
[edit] Sodomy = Ireland
Ever wonder why the words sod and sodomy sound so much alike? A cursory glance may suggest the two have nothing in common. After all, how is grass offensive? But have you ever wondered why the Ku Klux Klan, a group that generally hates everything, is always burning shit? On lawns, no less? Because grass is evil!
Don't believe me? Ever hear anyone bitch about their neighbor's grass being greener than theirs? And do you ever notice how that old hippie chick that lives down the street is always out there mowing her yard? You heard me, she's out there giving it a good mow! Jesus, so the two must be related. Why on earth would anyone bitch about someone's grass otherwise? This might explain why our lawn is an empty wasteland.
Let us not forget the British word "sodding." In Britian, where everything is so close together you could probably scream at your prime minister from your bedroom window, they don't see much grass. Any grass whatsoever is scandalous in Ye Olde Britain. What a bunch of pricks.
And who do the British hate? The Irish! And Ireland has GRASS in it. Coincidence? I think not.
[edit] Relation to homosexuality
Homosexuals historically have been known for having nice things, such as clothes, furniture, houses, and gardens. Nice, pretty, green gardens. Think about it. Have you ever met a straight gardener? You have? Well, er... he was just fooling himself.
Ergo, the reason why homosexuals are sometimes called "sodomites" has nothing to do with their penchant for taking trips up the old dirt road, or their preferred careers in the art of candy boxing (also know as Fudge Packing). Don't you feel ashamed for your dirty minds?
[edit] God Hates the Old Sod!
So, these places, Ireland and Gomorrah, pissed off God. In order to support Ireland's wild, 24/7 party, they had to have a lot of grass - why else would they call it the Emerald Isle?
Basically, God was pissed off at the Irish because of all the sodomy occurring, so as punishment God sodomized most of them. Lot, whose first name was Parking, got off scot free. Well, his wife became salt, but she was an annoying bitch anyway.
[edit] So Now You Know
Grass is as queer as the Irish, so thank your Lucky Charms that it isn't anything worse than that.
This is Miles Fortesque, wishing you good Sodomy to you and yours.
