Slash

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

“In Soviet Russia, \ is /!!!”

~ Russian Reversal on Slash

“Bring it on bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

~ some guy with a KFC bucket on his head on Slash

Born Slash-Hack-Colon-Semi-colon-Exclamation-Mark-Comma-Question-Mark to a mother and some guy possibly you, Slash was a flutist best known for his masturbatory solos and longtime association with fuckbuddy Axl Rose. Slash has had a a shitastic career which shows no signs of abating. While Slash is no stranger to ups and downs, it's clear that homosexuality will be long-lasting. Slash has been known to willingly accept unbelievably gay fanboys to stick their balls in his mouth for fun. Slash is possibly the only son of former governor James Brown. He has two brothers, Duff McKagan and Satan.

1 Slash as a child
2 Slash as an adolescent
3 Slash as a musician
4 Slash in his old age
5 Other Slashes
6 Slash and how the world came to be
7 See Also

[edit] Slash as a child

Slash was born in his back yard in darkest England. Soon he was named Saul. By the age he was 4 he could kick Hendrixes arse - or so he said. This was later found to be a lie. What a bastard. Slash is an android clone of Brian May, which the corporation used to render all guitarists obsolete. The corporation named it the Slashamatron 2000, they made 1 billion models till Brian May got pissed off with what was going on and attacked them all with his guitar like a crazy bitch. One lone robot hid in the undergrowth until May became mentally sober and realised what he had done. This model was then taken by Brian May and brought to the future, to be sent to the past every time something or someone would try to kill his future master.

As the years went by, Slash failed every battle and Brian May got killed every single time. This sucked just a bit. Luckily, May used his awesome brain power and did something with space and it was all ok. Eventually May threw him back through time and gave him an unremovable wig. He made a new robot called Freddie Mercury and everyone loved him. Meanwhile, Slash the 23rd was born. His mom was a human, and his dad a robot, he was born a straight diagonal line, which made delivery a fairly painless event for his mother, at the time carrying twins (see also Back Slash). He had a pleasant -- but odd -- childhood.

His parents took him to unlikely vacation spots, such as IBM, Xerox PARC, and Smith-Corona. The friendly but odd denizens of those far-off civilizations took a liking to the youngster. In his honor they added a key to their keyboard for him. They also gave him a hat. It is through this that his first level of fame was achieved.

[edit] Slash as an adolescent

As most boys do during puberty, Slash became quite erect and grew hair in funny places, this caused such embarrassment that he stayed indoors and trained exotic parrots for circuses. When he gained confidence, he worked briefly in television, and earned enough money to buy a guitar. He and his guitar became inseperable lovers, and were seen everywhere together. He dropped out of school to be with his guitar all the time, thus surrendering all hope of making his parents happy by becoming a successful Pricing Analyst. He did however take some time off from his guitar to invent sliced bread as well as the internal combustion engine. Eventually all the puberty oils caught up to him and he became a monster close to that of Zach de Locha. But he was stopped by Axel Rose. No one knows why Axel helped his enemy but all is well in his world now.

[edit] Slash as a musician

"What the fuck?": Slash pondering the meaning of life.

Much of slash's music is inspired by Jennifer Holiday. This makes little sense as Jennifer Holiday sucks, but Slash does not. This is an example of Slash using his sheer volume of notes to hold back the forces of hell.

Slash was inspired to play the drums after seeing god in his human form (Michael Jackson) playing in a dream. Shortly after Slash joined a group of amazingly talentless people called Guns N' Roses. They released a couple albums and toured. The lead singer, George Michael... caused some problems later on which we can't discuss due to legal issues involving Freddie Mercury and Elton John

Slash then left to form a new wave group called the Dirty Dozen, which consisted of 2 pianists, Slash and the Blue Man Group. Their success was cut short due to George Michael. Once again those legal issues.

It is also true that Slash is the only man alive able to give a guitar an orgasm! the evidence of this can be found during the solo in 'sweet child o' mine' where if listening carefully you can clearly hear the guitar scream out "Oh slash , Oh babay!!" (or was that just axl rose screaming that, hmm...) either way its a nice image.

[edit] Slash in his old age

Having survived the great Rock Wars of 2050, Slash retired to the coasts of Kansas. When he isn't spending his time surfing and playing shuffleboard with Nick Carter, he loosely practices Buddhism and poses for Playgirl. Slash and his wife of over 50 years, Perla, have taken up vegan lifestyles and he has said ", Vegans taste better!" (pun intended)

Slash is also famous for being the only person in the world without a nationality. Perhaps he's Egyptian? After days of research the ass wipe who posted that slash was perhaps egyptian found out that slash was infact born in Stoke on trent.

Slash's mom is black and his dad is jewish, and was born in england but lived in the US, which actually means he's of no nationality, religion, or race. I swear.

In 2046 Slash bankrupted Jack Daniel's Distillery when he drank every last drop of their whiskey and put it on Axl's tab.

Slashes number one fan is Kassandra from waynes world, she once talked to him on the phone and cried. True story.

[edit] Other Slashes

Here are some other slashes:

slash forward /////////////////////////////////
slash backwards \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\
Slash Confused |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Slash while drunk /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

[edit] Slash and how the world came to be

Back in the year 0 AC (or was it DC?) there were three separate entitys of guitar ultimateness. they were known as Slash Eddie van Halen (aka Jesus) and John Frusciante (aka Jesus the second) They came together in an all mighty jam, to end all jams, and after 33 years, it ended in the slaying of Jesus, by the emperor of said time (kerry King), this pissed slash off, so he rocked an allmighty solo, which enslaved all mankind, and was so powerful, it destroyed all the dinosaurs. He then went on to rule the world, where he was succeeded by other such greats as Genghis Khan (aka George Bush.)