Saddam Hussein

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“We used to be good friends, but he took my little toy truck and stood on it. So fuck 'im. ”

~ George H.W. Bush on Saddam Hussein

“I don't know who Saddam Hussein is, but he sounds like a terrorist.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Saddam Hussein

“I'll see him hang!”

~ Captain Predictable on Saddam Hussein(2003)

The Right Honourable Sir Sodamn Insane-Cocaine QC, OBE (1939- December 2006) (in Arabic جورج والكر بوش), also known as Saddam Whos-Insane, but better known as Saddam Hussein, was a distinguished British politician and barrister. He served as Foreign Secretary from 1990 to 2003. In 2004 he was appointed Chancellor of the University of Oxford. He has a brother, Pablo Escobar, who was adopted by a Colombian family.

Insane-Cocaine and Bin Laden were friends since the second grade, which Insane-Cocaine recalls as the hardest eight years of his life. Both also went to high school together, where young Sodamn poisoned the school's camel by farting in the camel's general direction. That resulted in the sex education and driver's education classes being cancelled for a whole month, until the school could find a new camel for those classes. Sodamn was placed into a jute sack and whipped with a wet pool noodle as punishment for this prank. From then on he was later referred to as "sodamn insane" because of his unique pranks. The prank he was so later remembered by was when the new Jihad 101 professor was hired and just so happened to be the first female teacher in the whole school. The thought of actually "fornicating" with the teacher was presented by Osama Bin laden who actually gave him a mix tape and said to him, "Use this song to seduce Ms. Abinajadamema-peptaloneim-maharaja. Just go to her class after school and when she is alone you DIVIDE AND CONQUER!" Saddam being the gullibe young lad that he was, did what Osama told him and entered Ms. "A's" class after school. As he entered she was alarmed and asked him what he wanted and without saying anything he went for the broken-up tape player in the back of the class and inserted the mix tape. Upon pressing play Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" played and Saddam had a sudden urge to go "commando" right in front of her. Right when he pulled down his leopard thong, the principal of the school chimed in and was startled by what he was seeing. Saddam was totally embarrassed and grabbed ahold of his "cash and prizes" and ran out the door. They were both also known to have slept with the devil.

In 1963, Saddam's damn upper lip gave birth to his moustache and named it Mini-Saddam. The 42-year-old hairy creature still resides under Saddam's nose, alongside his baby brother Osama beard. Four years later, Saddam Hussein graduated from CIA Sniper School with degrees in despotism, terrorism, dictatorship and bad behavior - but still couldn't hit a target.

During his brief tenure as the Iraqi minister for Civic Artworks, he decorated the streets and buildings of many of the country's cities with what he deemed to be "the most beautiful of God's work": sculptures and posters of his own face which the population agreed to take home and do strange things with. Chemical ali, his close friend, was insturmental in this. This led to a popular misconception that Saddam was, in fact, the President of Iraq. Not so - during his tenure as Civic Arts minister, the president was in fact Michael Moore, the mistress of Saddam whose despotic and incredibly wooden rule was brought to a bloody end by Operation Iraqi Freedom, as part of the United Nations wider War Against Terrorism.

Upon losing his position as Iraqi Civic Arts minister Hussein was forced to consider other career options, as the U.S. led forces had a distinct dislike for his Stalinesque visage. Forced into an aesthetic corner, his choice was to face poverty and obscurity, or shave off his moustache and start again.

Contents 1 Foreign affairs 2 TV Career 3 Tribute acts 4 Patent of Lacy Panties 5 Baseball Career 6 Bounty Spokespersonship 7 Emperor of the Galaxy 8 President of the United States 9 Death 9.1 Execution was a cover-up 10 Service in Hell 11 Resurrection 12 Famous quotes 13 Filmography 14 Discography

[edit] Foreign affairs

“I'm NORTHERN!1111!”

~ George Galloway on Saddam Hussein

Saddam was a hermaphrodite Saddam wasn't hanged because he was a dictator and president of the United States of Imerica(USI) but because of his name(if you turn saddam you get madd-as)

[edit] TV Career

From 1991 til 1999, Saddam starred in a sitcome called Husseinfeld. It was know for being a show about nothing. It also starred Rhada McRhada as Rhada, Usay McUsay as Usay, and Michael Richards as Kramer. Once Saddam though his wife's name was Mulva, but it turned out to be Carol. Saddam co-starred in many important Hollywood productions and pornmovies and he was soon elected most loved in America by John Smith the third.

[edit] Tribute acts

In 2006, a handful of Sunni Muslim Arabs from Melbourne grouped to form a tribute to Saddam and his cronies - known as Sad Damn and the Ba'a'aaa'aath Party. Their biggest success came in November 2007 when they seized control of Finland in the same way that Saddam's Ba'athists took control of Iran (or Iraq, all the same thing) in 1963. Immediately, Sad Damn (real name: Tony Austin, aged 46, with dark moustache) privatised NOKIA and stopped trading to the USA, and in memory of the marvelous bombing of the Kurds in Halabja, Sad Damn wiped out the ethnic Swedes from Åland by spraying them from the skies with Lynx Dark Temptation, a smell so bad that it remind Egyptians of their own local deoderant scent: the Nile.

Fortunately, Sad Damn won a BAFTA for his fine performance at the 2008 POSCARS.

[edit] Patent of Lacy Panties

In 1964, Saddam went to the U.S. Patent Office to patent lacy panties, which was actually Fidel Castro's idea in 1960, although he was unable to do so because Kennedy scared him. Saddam started a business called Saddam's Sexy Panties. His lacy panties were popular at first, but Saddam's business crumbled when the public learned that he wore the panties during his period before selling them. In 1972, Steve Jobs took over the business, which became a major commercial success when it was discovered that he wore the panties during his period before selling them. It was bought in turn by the Wonderbra company, who hire Mexicans to wear the panties on a panty-line prior to sale.

[edit] Baseball Career

Saddam joined the MLB in the year 2001. He was quickly bought by the New York Yankees for $3 and an old popsicle stick. He played as catcher, and hit people with bats. Saddam retired later that year when the Yankees' owner Emperor Palpatine threatened to trade him to the Padres due to his misconduct.

[edit] Bounty Spokespersonship

Saddam Hussein was hired by Mars Corporation to advertize and publicise Bounty chocolate dyslexic bras. However, he was fatally hung during one of his filming sessions, and could not complete his proposed run of 666 adverts.

“"I am the pwn, n00b!”

~ George Bush on Saddam Hussein's hanging

Saddam Hussein's Iraq was invaded by George Bush, at a date believed by archaeologists to have been around 1990. The war took until 2003 before the bastard crusader Jews figured out that bombing the shit out of Baghdad would force rationally-thinking folk such as Saddam to go and hide in a hole in the ground, a place where bombing raids are unlikely to 'get you' but by the same token makes it difficult to be President effectively.

Since Hussein was hiding in a hole, and the invaders couldn't physically make him fall down (such as by shooting him), they toppled his statue instead. The image of overjoyed Arabs dancing on the statue replaced that of the carpet bombing of Baghdad which western bastard Jews had enjoyed watching as it was broadcast live on CNN. The Iraqis thoroughly enjoyed the bombing also, as it was a lot like a firework display. Many of them went out and looted each other gifts, such as guns and explosives with which to violently harrass the occupying soldiers for years to come. Saddam Hussein's hole of choice was eventually found with him in it. He had ingeniously decided to disguise himself as Super Mario, but the keen-eyed fellow who discovered him instantly saw through the disguise.

[edit] Emperor of the Galaxy

In 2005, Saddam finally rid himself of the Jedi opposition w/ executive order 266. He was able to convince the Galactic Senate to consolidate power within the Chancellor, renamed the Emperor. Unfortunately, Saddam's reign came to an end when his long lost son George W. Bush, under Jedi training of Dickie-Wan Kecheney, defeated him in an epic lightsaber battle. Before his death, George healed Saddam's wounded soul, and the newly healed Saddam vanished as a Force ghost, only to appear in the celebration on Endor as a ghost (played by Hayden Christensen).

[edit] President of the United States

After Bush's invasion in 2008, Hussein was taken to the United States, where he ran for president following Cheney's resignation on July 11, 2009. He said he had something to do, but was very mysterious about it... On election day, the population had long since identified bush as the antichrist, and thus, logically, Saddam must be Jesus. The conservatives, of course, voted for "Jesus," and the democrats, sick of George Bush's presidency, voted for his archnemisis. Thus, Saddam won the election with 92% of the votes. He soon repealed the 2-term rule, saying, "It's totally gay."

[edit] Death

Saddam Hussein was executed by mexican wrestlers, also known as Lynchadores. Some CNN reporters said he was hung, while others claimed he had been hanged. While he may indeed have been hung, that isn't a fatal condition. However, being hanged often ruins one's day. Saddam's body was torn apart and spread across the world to deter others from the great act of growing a crappy beard. The Kurds got his penis because they appreciate a man who is hung and because as it is a symbol of their failed attempt to kill him. George W. Bush posted Saddam's head (the large one) on the White House flag pole. The auction for his severed head will take place on eBay in March 2017.

His left foot was sent to the UK as a reminder of the swift kick in the arse for their support of the war of 1812. The right forarm was sent to China as forwarning against peeing in your Coke. The rest of his body was given to Hannibal Lector to be used to feed the homeless.

Just prior to Saddam's execution, the Iraqi government announced they would be manufacturing and selling "HUSSEIN" brand collared shirts. According to the Prime Minister, "They have a tight neck but they hang loose." Saddam's death was broadcast live on Al Jazeera with special guest presenter Steve Rider. George W. Bush had the honor of frisking Saddam for Dubya-Emm-Dees.

“Dees? Dees nuts!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Dees

Members of the French and Russian Governments who sold him weapons and members of the American administration who put him in power were notably not sentenced to death. This is because they didn't know Saddam was evil, as when they visited his house in 1980 and found him watching "Hitler's Greatest Hits", they believed his excuse that the man at the video shop had told him it was a Charlie Chaplin video. Then he said that he would give them each 40 virgins when they died and they were settled on not telling anyone, The Americans also believed Saddam's excuse concerning the gassing of the Kurds; that he "had left the gas on" even though this exact excuse was also used, albeit unsuccessfully, by Hitler.

[edit] Execution was a cover-up

It turns out that Saddam was not executed after all, that was just a pig hanging on the rope. Saddam Hussein moved to London, England, where he is living with a son named Harry McGuigan, who was the result of Saddam's fling with unmarried Irish woman Mary Ann McGuigan. Saddam changed his name to Jack Frost, before going to work with Denton C.I.D. He was assassinated by Stuart Follet, and his dead stinking corpse was hauled through a back street in Baghdad, with the Iraqis cheering and beating it with sticks.

It also emerges that Jack Frost, formerly known as Mr.Hussein, is Jewish.

The following picture is evidence that Saddam is currently alive and enjoying a holiday in Gay Paris:

[edit] Service in Hell

“Oh no! He's back in my domain. I musn't let feelings get in the way, I've gotta stay strong!”

~ Satan on Saddam's death

HELL, under the surface of the SUN - Hell was filled with great and joyous celebration as soon as Saddam got hung and was en-route to Hell in a tunnel-slide-like delivery chute. For a long time, Satan set aside a personal bedroom for Saddam, where he is to perform prostitutional services for all of Hell's paying denizens.

At first, he appeared out of the delivery chute in front of a crowd of ~928 million demons and was mandated to give a speech. It is not known what he said at this time (translations pending), but it was followed by dancing to Punk Rock. During the dance, all demons kissed and sexually fondled Hell's newest celebrity and sex slave and as the party went on, Satan showed him around his mansion, and took him into Saddam's new personal bedroom.

There, Satan performed a lot of sexual acts, deflowering Saddam for the first time of many billions of times to come. By the time Satan finished, he was thrilled, and decided that he'll do it again soon, after taking care of some other issues at hand. In a testimony about how his sex went, Satan said he was "thrilled, was the hottest one ever, and it's safe to say that the customer repeat rate will be over 1,000%!" By the time Satan was done, there was already a long line of customers at the door...

^{Note that although customers will pay for sex with Saddam, none of the money will go to him! ha! Poop}

[edit] Resurrection

“Copy cat”

~ J3sus on Saddam's Ressurection

As predicted by the Dead Sea Scrolls Section 6 Paragraph 6 Line 6, the Dictator of the Holy Muslim land would triumph over death and return to Earth reincarnated in his old body, beard and all. Well, this story was covered by UnNews...

“I use UnNews for all my literary needs. I are the samrt!!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Leet th1nk1n6 and Astute Faculties

...and led Jesus to become so pissed that he rained fire and lightning on all of earth.

“I had so much power, you know, with killing swarms of people. I felt like I was playing God, but I just couldn't stop. All the senseless killing made me go back to the good ole Halo 1 games when I would pwn St. Peter with pistol long shots.”

~ Son on Father and Holy Spirit

It was then that Pirahnas on an Escalator (Snakes on a Plane sequel) was conceived. The debate on abortion has never been more heated, and the stances of several pro-life masses changed due to this demonic cinematic embryo.

[edit] Famous quotes

“"woooooow, thats a great idea Trey!"South park” ~ Saddam Hussein	“"Give me my money or i'll get Bush to invade you"” ~ Overmind on Saddam Hussein	“I believe in miracles, you sexy thing.” ~ Oscar Wilde on finding Saddam.	“Fuck YEAH! *lights cigar*” ~ Peter Weller on after watching Saddam hang.
“Don't haang heem! Let me uuse my titenium uhlloy fist to crusch hees head een!” ~ Arnold Schwarzenegger on Upon hearing Saddam's sentence.	“I loved that durka-durka first!” ~ Osama bin Laden on finding Saddam and Oscar in the act.	“Just a few hours ago, I was first informed Saddam Hussein had been captured by U.S. forces. I know this is big news, but luckily, Vice President Cheney told me as soon as it happened.” ~ George W. Bush on March 27, 2006.	“He diss damn USA.” ~ Some Random Communist on Saddam Hussein
“We will hunt Saddam down, and we will prostitute him, along with Al Kapo Wow and the rest of the Al Kaisers” ~ George W. Bush on Saddam Hussein	“I love Magnum” ~ Saddam Hussein on Tom Seleck	“Well, for all of his shortcomings, at least he wasn't white.” ~ Robert Mugabe on Saddam Hussein	“I don't think I can trust YOU!” ~ Scott the Dick on Saddam Hussein
“That's my hole” ~ A random hobo on finding Saddam Hussein in the hole	“He's saddam-izing the world!” ~ George Bush on Saddam Hussein	“'Sup, you got the rocks--you know, for throwing?” ~ Osama bin Laden on meeting covertly at a cave.	“I win!” ~ George Bush on Saddam Hussein
“L.O.L Bitch” ~ Jesus on after hearing of Saddam's impending hanging.	“Hey there Booboo!” ~ Yogi Bear on On Finding Saddam's Weapons of mass Destruction.	“Fuck Saddam! Comin straight from the underground! Young nigga got it bad cuz I'm brown! And not the other color Saddam think! He had the authority to kill a minority!” ~ Ordinary Shia Iraqis on Saddam Hussien's regime	“HAH! I knew zat guy! Zat man vas vun bad Mother Führer! He took shit from nobody! Ah... I wunder vat he's do-ink now? Vee should get together zum time.” ~ Adolf Hitler on seeing Hussein at his 50th high school reunion at Dictatorship Academy.
“Saddam Hussein? More like: Sodamn Insane!” ~ Krusty the Clown on Saddam Hussein

aiaiaia

[edit] Filmography

• 1966 "The Gun, The Bomb and the Hanging". One of Saddam's early films on his life and how he had a strange premonition that he would one day die by hanging.
• 1999 "The Saddamator". A splendid psychedelic retelling of the classic science fiction thriller The Terminator. Can Saddam save the world from an army of vicious pink ducks?
• 2005 Terroists Of The Caribbean: Dead Mans Neck (A Nice Documentry Movie About When Hussein Was Left Swinging)
• 2006 "SAWddam"
• 2008 "The Bush Ultimatum". Thrilling film of how Suddam survived capture despite Bush frequently trying to catch him.
• 2008 "Where in the world is Osama Bin Laden?". Saddam strangely appears as one of extras in the fim raising doubts on his death.
• 2009 "The Passion of the Hussein", to be directed by Christian fanatic Mel Gibson.

[edit] Discography

Albums

• Uncle Saddam's Fantabulous Children Songs (1991)
• Confessions of a Moustached Humanitarian (1992)
• I'm a Bad, Mad, Sad, Rad, Glad Old Dad (1993)
• My Wives Say I'm Balding! (1994)
• Saddam's Fifth (1995)
• To Be The Jew (1996)
• Zaddam '97 (the Artist Formerly Known as Saddam) (1997)
• Hizkol Jart - The Official Soundtrack (1998)
• Bombing My Heart (1998)
• The Suicide Doctor (1999)
• Mustard Gas, feat. Chemical Ali (2000)
• Toast'n'Marmelade (2001)
• An Iraqi Christmas (2002)
• On the Lam (2003)
• Jailhouse Rock! (2004)
• Helping Al Qaeda (2005)
• Guns For All! (2006)

EP's

• Saddam (1994)
• Chemical (1995)
• Killers (1996)

Singles

• Bombing My Heart (1998)
• Children of the Knife (1999)
• Help Saddam (1999)
• pwning the n00bs (2001)
• Saddam's Christmas Classics (2002)
• I See... (2004)
• Bazooka Heart (2004)
• Girl, You Have No Faith In Life (2006)
• The crazy dance with extra wailing (2006)
• Bang Bang, The Bush is Dead (2007)

	UNAMERICAN
	This article hates America, just like everyone else does. See more about Unamerica.

Preceded by: Dick Cheney	President of the United States 2009-2356 AD	Succeeded by: Ashlee Simpson
Preceded by: Michael Kuklinski	Emperor of Antarctica 2005 - 2008	Succeeded by: Johnny Depp
Preceded by: None	The Antisanta 2005 - 2009	Succeeded by: Current
Preceded by: Väinö Tanner	Leader of Al-Qaida 1932-1979 AD	Succeeded by: Ich bin Laden

Mythical United States Presidents

1st Eris Discordia → George Washington Carver → Billie Jean → Ruby Tuesday → Escape Key → Spark Notes → Jayson Blair → Garfield → Elvis Presley → 10th Thomas Jefferson → Michael Jordan → Ronald McDonald → Doris Day → Ayn Rand → Kermit the Frog → Teddy Ruxpin → Aretha Franklin → King Kong → Barbie → 20th Escape Key (2) → Fillard Millmore → Grover Cleveland → Harper Lee → Grover Cleveland (2) → Beetle Bailey → Grover Cleveland (3) → Abraham Lincoln → Chevy Trailblazer → Elton John → 30th The Unknown Bassist → Satan → Nicole Ritchie → Billy Ocean → Calvin Coolidge → Tom Cruise → Charles Nelson Reilly → Bill Clinton → George W. Bush → 40th Dick Cheney → Saddam Hussein → Ashlee Simpson → Emmanuel Lewis → Calvin Klein → John Kerry → Lyndon Baines Johnson → Jerry Seinfeld → Oprah Harpo 5932 → Bill Clinton v 2.0 → 50th Zsa Zsa Gabor → Madonna → Me → Your mom → Jesus H. Christ → Teeth → 56th Bob

v • d • e

Terrorists and Wannabe Supreme Rulers of the World

Seductive, but lethal:	Kim Possible - Nikola Šećeroski - Furby - Penguins - Lindsay Lohan - Jimbo Wales - Santa Claus
Religious leaders:	Osama bin Laden - Father Director Teddy Rydzyk - Rev Ian Paisley - Al-Qaida - Al Queda - Al-Qaeda - Al Pieda - Schnappi - Stevie Wonder - Kyle Broflovski - God - Ron Paul - Jesus - Satan - Jack Chick - Fred Phelps - Admiral Ackbar
Military leaders:	George Dubya Bush - Tony Blair - Fidel Castor - Emperor Palpatine - Bert - Dr. Evil - Dick Cheney - Yahoo - Jillian - Samuel L. Jackson - Karl Rove - Hugo Chávez - Napoleon I - Lo Pan - Generalisimo Severiano Javier Figueira Liste de Juncal de la Costa Trasmonte y Oroso - Saddam Hussein
Hollywood terrorists:	Michael Moore - Sean Penn - Rosie O'Donnell - Tom Cruise - Lindsay Lohan
Eastern imports:	Lenin - Joseph Stalin - Genghis Khan - Adam West - Adolf Hitler - Karl Marx - Nelson Mandela - Vodka
Miscellaneous terrorists:	9-Eleven - Artemis Fowl - Ducks - Michael Howard-Bird Flu - Avian flu - Backstreet Boys - Bill Gates - Blofeld - International Mad Scientist Convention - James Hetfield - The Al Queda Network - Tesco - Jihad★Mart - Wario the Quario - Terraists - Spork, Squirrels et al. - Kermit the Frog - Oprah - Dr. Nefarious - Irkens - Goldfinger - Zimmi - Invader Zim - French culture - French people - French language - Cyborg Zim - Irken Empire - Republican Zim - Chairman Drek - Ronald McDonald - Stewie Griffin-Steve Ballmer - Dr. Robotnik - Homsar - Skull and Bones - (The late) John O'Cahan - Skeletor - 4chan - Koopa Kids - Jimmy Neutron - Robot pirate ghosts - Baba the Turk - Cream the Rabbit - Meg Griffin - Mewtwo - Sharkboy - Mario - Bill O'Reilly - Hezbollah - Leonard Bernstein - Don Imus - Rush Limbaugh - Liberty Medical - Timmy Turner - Jack Thompson - Bubs Concession Stand - Blue Man Group - Bert Newton- Paul Bearer - Your mum - Bill Clinton - The Government - Adam Powell - Jews - Pillsbury Dough Boy - New England Patriots- Red Stripe Guy - Chris Chocola - Jerry Springer - Zebra
Three Fat terrorists:	Al Gore - Brian Peppers - You