Pokémon (Show)
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| OH NO! This page contains Pokémon! Don't get hit by flying members of Team Rocket, and make sure that dumb bitch Misty doesn't steal your bike! |
“In Soviet Russia, pokemon capture YOU!!”
~ Mother Russia on pokemon
“Diglett, dig. Diglett, Dig. Trio, Trio, Trio.”
~ Diglett & Dugtrio on pokemon
“Bob Dole!”
~ Typical Pokemon on itself
WARNING: THIS ARTICLE WAS MADE BY A LOSER WITH A BAD SENSE OF HUMOR, YOU WILL NOT LAUGH AT ALL.
Okay. Welcome, my name is Mr Ass and today, I will be preaching about... Oh, Fuck, No! Not another Pokemon page! Get the hell out! Only pedophiles watch that now! I recommend that you click here, here, or here, dammit! Oh great, some little kids too?! Click here or here, or else I'll fucking shoot you.
Great, article done. Wait! Who the hell are you?! Get out, <insert name here>! Leave me alone already! Unless you're an admin, because I love the admins. They are so awesome! Oh shit! Now I'm getting monitored by admins!
About the show itself. Pokemon is a satanic show spreading satanic Japenese messages to the American youth, we must fight back, CAN YOU DIIIIIG IT!!!!!!!!!!
[edit] No, What About the Characters?
“A talking Charmander wants my credit card? Seems fair.”
~ Ash on the internets
[edit] Ash
A wandering preteen hobo with a bad spray-on tan who Travels across the land... searching far and wiiiide... each poke- oh shit sorry, burst into song again. One day, Ash decided to become a Pokemon master, and really showed everyone his determination by setting out in his pajamas. He's generally one of the most liked characters on the show, and the only one that hasn't been caught wearing short shorts. Yet. Ash's father is never revealed in the series, but unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably noticed the smooth old proffessor who built his laboratory peculiarly close by. Ash remains unchanged throughout the series, except for the season or two when his voice actor thought it would be fun to make him sound like he hit puberty. It didn't go well. Upon leaving home, Ash received an obvious Ipod ripoff created by Microsoft. Like many Microsoft creations on crack, it was filled with defects. For exmaple, whenever Ash points the Pokedex at a small furry animal, it usually responds by shouting out horrible puns, as well as information of how to kick the crap out of that particular creature. And no. It doesnt have anything to say about his power level. Stop asking. Ash recieved a new Pokedex in episode 51, after his old one exploded when he tried downloading Dragonforce songs off the internet on it then he fucks guitar hero and fucks everyone in the world by kicking bucketheads ass by doing happy time (sex) with him.
[edit] Brock
Another main character, Brock is the only straight actor on the show. He first made his debut on the show after getting his ass licked kicked by Ash and then begging him to let him tag along. Brock has proved to be an irreplaceable character over the years, due mostly to the fact 9 year olds find great amusement in his complete failure at life. He dreams of becoming the greatest Pokemon Breeder. The problem is that he's only "bred" with himself in his life. Brock's parents are both absent during the show; his father having gotten to close to a plot element stone and evolving into a hobo, and his mother getting pwned by natural causes.He's also a well-known supporter of the Bush Administration.
[edit] Misty
DO NOT READ THIS.
[edit] WARNING: This part of the article contains a Tomboy. Watch out you don't get offended by a Jerrygirl. Especially if you are some dumb... I mean REALLY smart Misty Fan. May god Bless you till Dawn... Seriously...
The most popular actress of the entire show, Misty is flat-chested and easy to anger. She is addicted to bikes somehow. In fact, close to 85% of her annual salary is spent on bikes. People often hoped that she would hook up with Ash. At that time, Ash had yet to come out of the closet, though he did enjoy the company of a flat-chested girl. Misty is also the leader of the Cerulean City Gym, though she can't even teach a mentally challenged duck how to swim. She had wild hot sex with Brock, Ash, and all their pokemon in a huge orgy. Though Brock was killed when his Onix went too far up Brock's ass and impaled his heart. Misty has one prominent pokemon, A Gayrados, a very calm and docile pokemon. It is a Rapist/Manhunter Type. Attacks are: Rape: Opponent is raped. (Michael Jackson couldn't be prouder) Tackle: A full-body sex tackle. Tactical Cruise Guided Ultra-High Explosive Antimatter Giant Sex Missile: Only known move in the Pokemon World that kills instead of faints.
[edit] Gary
Ash's rival, and Professor Oak's grandson. Also a complete jerkwad, yet so so so hawt. He claims to have 169,000 Pokémon and 1,000,000,000,000 gigabytes of porn, but they're all Magikarps. In spite of their rivalry, Ash sometimes helps Gary out, like near the beginning of Season 6 when Gary was accused of being a communist. In Season 8, he was the lead singer for a disco band named Gary's Gang, which only had two hits: "Keep On Dancin'" & "Do It At The Disco". After the band broke up, he became an alcoholic and nearly got killed when he slugged a communist military officer. Upon being defeated by Ash, Gary disappeared, claiming to have gone off on some soul-searching. Ash later found Gary locking himself inside Proffessor Oak's house, where he had played Everquest the last 72 hours straight.
[edit] Pikachu
Sometime in 1997, however, Pikachu had his pants sued off because he had landed millions of children in the hospital for giving them seizures, although Pikachu blamed his good buddy Porgyon, who saved his the trio, and even Team Rocket's asses in that damn episode.
Recently, Pikachu was caught in a scandal. He was caught at a club with Misty. Since he was currently dating Ash (yes dumb ass, ash. didnt you notice that if 2 pokemon get hurt, he only helps Pikachu), this was all over the news in Japan...and wherever the crap Pokemon live. This was a real emotional blow to Ash, but Pikachu seemed indifferent to his lover's trauma. Their relationship was resolved, however, when Misty ran off with some other Japanese guy. Ash and Pikachu are currently dating, but this may be subject to change.
In 2008 Pikachu was captured by Hezbollah. After Japan refused the ransom money, they killed him. A video was posted on YouTube but was withdrawn due to the possibilies of seizures.
Pikachu is a Steel/ToiletPaper Type combination. Traveling with Ash, its most prominent moves are: Mobile Missile Launcher (100 power 100 acc) Sexual Harrassment (lowers Defense of obvious reasons) Tactical Indirect Artillery Fire (150 power 70 acc) Dual Strategic H-Bomb Launcher (Obliterates target. Super Effective against Brittney Spears and Michael Jackson) Anti-Matter Bomb (No description nessassry) Its signiture move: ToiletPaper (instant KO)
[edit] May and Max
May and Max are Misty's replacements. They toured for five seasons. Max was one of the most hated people of all time in the show, but May had a lot of fans following in the early years of her career. Family life was hard for them, growing up in a household full of fat ugly sloth Pokemon.
Max was a know-it-all. He just waddled around bragging how smart he was while the action went on. He was only on the show because May is related to him. He had a Ralts, but it ran away because it couldn't stand his tourettes any longer. Max has also been involved in several Pokeball "incidents" resulting of the death of several trainers. Max stands at two feet tall because his mother smoked in the womb, stunting poor Max's growth. Max is a known user of coccaine and marijuana.
May was brought in when Misty was found to have committed suicide in the bathroom stall of a local Olive Garden. She was also gullible, being easily tricked by Ash into unwanted chores, such as cleaning, or blowing up Team Rocket. Despite being a clutz, she won many battles, and became a Pokemon Beauty Contest Winner over and over. May has been sued multiple times by her Skitty for being fed her signature Pokeblocks, which are often made from berries found at the peak of ripeness at the bottom of trash bins. Her Pokemon are unleveled, ugly, and couldn't fight, but she generally still wins due to the fact her opponents roll over laughing at the competition until they suffer a stroke. It is speculated that May's hair grows way longer on the sides due to her massive consumption of slim fast.
[edit] Dawn's Dildo
This thing is used through most of the episodes. You just don't see it.
[edit] Dawn
Dawn (known in Japan as Hikari- means "Light"- a nice light in her vagina is useful for Ash as it enables him to use her as a flashlight) is the current female protagonist. Since she's new to Pokemon, she still makes some rookie mistakes. She still has extremely short skirts, and is seems a lot older (like, at least 15 years older,) than the part she plays. Not much is known about her role in the show, except that she is hawt and has a lot to learn, and Ash seems to be teaching her everything he knows about Pokemon...which is the only thing he knows about. She also has the inability to frown or say something slightly negative. But poor Buneary is never noticed for her love for Pikachu, could this also be love for Ash and deedee? How cute, many people recently have voted that that friggin skirt of hers will stop breaking the laws of physics just for Ash, Brock may just have to get the 7mins in heaven closet miserably, knowing he'll be virgin no matter what.
She also wants to suck Ash's shillelagh but regretfully for him, she is too old young for hawt boys.
[edit] The Über Pokéemo Sociopath
The Über Pokéemo Sociopath is a weird random guy who tortures and rapes May and Cream the Rabbit, he is dressed like an emo, but acts like a warhawk and acts like some perfectionist I can't remember his name right now, is by far the only really heterosexual (sometimes put in question, since he hasn't no interest in Dawn) and is the only person in the whole show who can beat Ash anytime, anywhere. He also has a habit of releasing the Pokemon he catches just because they're not sexy enough. He also likes to tell the truth about Ash's patheticness. He can make The Flood cry. He can also melt something with one glance, turn it into vapor and make it disappear.
[edit] Professor Oak
Professor Oak is the leading researcher on Pokemon. Bottom line, he has no life. He is also unstable and senile. Ash's mom shows that she's losing her mind as well, because she's always with him. I think they're in love. He is the director of the show. He has few roles in the show. He's displayed behavior that indicates he is a pedophile, like stalking Blue and sending his evil bird Pokemons out to torture her, whilst wrapped in black bandages that are so scary, you'll wet yourself. Then he gives her a PokeDex to lure her into trusting him so she'll let him touch her. Oh, wait, that's just in the manga. This is the anime article. Darn.
[edit] Nurse Joy
Nurse Joy is a clone made for Oprah to heal her armies.
[edit] Officer Jenny
The police officers of the show, these are also failed clones on the Oprah line. Her blue hair is from the 80's when it was thought to be popular.
[edit] Team Rocket
Popular, but evil, an unfortunate group of a man (JesseJames), woman (JamesJesse), and the brains of the bunch; a talking kitten with obsessive compulsive disorder (Meowth). James had a wealthy childhood, but left his family's marijuana plantation for bigger and better horizons. However, this isn't working out for him and he is frequently seen driving recklessly in the streets of Pallet Town around 3 AM. Jesse is a fake redhead that's had one too many trips to the local plastic surgeon. She is also possibly the former dictator of Kenya. Meowth found out he could talk like a human after the Italian mafia nailed a coin into his forehead. Every show, they have made an appearance. And every show, they fail miserably to tame a Pokemon, much less capture one, take Pikachu for example. They always claim to be bankrupt and yet come up with a new copyright infringed giant robot every time. Yet they rival Max for boasting and idiocy, in their inability to catch a little yellow rodent. They provide Comic Relief when Brock can't deliver.
In shorter terms, Team Rocket sucks, they can never capture Pikachu ever, so they should just stop trying.
Okay, damnit. You fucking had enough?!
[edit] But, What Are the Seasons About?
  Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Dimentio was manipulating everything from behind the scenes so he could claim the Chaos Heart and use it to become all-powerful, everyone but Horatio dies, and Fortinbras takes over, the whole show was a dream in an autistic kid's head, Homestar Runner shot Caleb Rentpayer, Brandy Alexander is Shannon's brother, frankly, my dear, Clark Gable doesn't give a damn, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! |
 | This article is likely to give you a seizure, or at the very least make your eyes
BLEED! (NO,REALLY!)
BLEED! (NO,REALLY!) | |
I'm gonna fucking kill you!
[edit] SERIES 1
Season 1- The party has fun in Kanto. The theme song has messages from Osama bin Laden if played backwards. They also killed 300 Japanese when they killed a helpless Porygon. In the last episode, they meet Bush and bribe him to rape them.
Season 2- The party goes to some islands, where nothing happens. Brock is replaced with some douche who likes sketching Ash's ass and poking a hole where his ass hole should be and sticking waving tongue in it. And also ash get,s a laptop and looks at pictures of naked men on the internet. Brock finds out and says that he wants do that.
Season 3- The party wanders off into Johto, and walks around. The douche is replaced by Brock again, only this time he's smoking a crack pipe.
Season 4- The party somehow has 85 episodes in the Johto league championships (which was weird, considering only 64 people were in the championships and only 64 episodes were biographical)
Season 5- The party enters a Master Quest while ash is partying in the middle of hawaii.
[edit] SERIES 2
[edit] Season 6
The party is advanced. Seasons 6-9 are known as the Advanced Generation because Ash wears advanced clothes. This series made no sense, and was simply there because the story writers tried to introduce too many new concepts that might've sucked anyhow. May enters the series and the nude pictures of her start surfacing on the Net.
[the uncensored Japanese version.]
[edit] Season 7
The party has an advanced challenge.
[edit] Season 8
The party has an advanced battle. WTF? Isn't battle almost the same thing as challenge??
[edit] Season 9
The party enters the Battle Frontier while ash get replaced by some gay guy for the whole season. (Wait Ash isn't gay????)
[edit] SERIES 3
[edit] Season 10
The party is in the Diamond & Pearl League with Dawn, while the rest of us still are in awe that, despite numerous scandals, lay-offs, and court appearances, the show continues. This marks the debut of Captain Underpants.
Don't fucking believe me? Here: Let the so-called experts at Wikipedia convince you otherwise! [1]
Now leave me the fuck alone!
[edit] Season 11
Ash and Dawn were waiting for The Über Pokéemo Sociopath to come and settle a threesome for their Porn Tape. But then they were raped by the Failiens from Independence Day and were sent to another dimension. Brock lost his virginity with Michael Jackson, thus causing a Holocaust,so he was sent as well to undo the damage. But everyone died anyway cause Farore forgot your mom.
[edit] No! What about the movies?
|
Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that the Magratheans rebuild Earth after the Vogons destroy it, Edmund, Goneril, Regan, Lear, Cordelia and Gloucester all die in the last scene, Alex betrays everyone to get the Golden Sun, the Stormbreaker computers release a deadlier, genetically modified type of smallpox when activated, Milton burns down the building because his stapler was taken away and his desk was moved to the basement, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! |
Damn you!
[edit] Pokémon: The First Movie
Party fights Mewtwo, who wants to take over the world for some reason. He kicks their asses, then the party kicks his ass, then Mewtwo flies away. Mew is there looking all cute. OMG! SPOILERS! YOU DESTROY MY BRAINZ! Mewtwo almost conquers the world, but is stopped by Pikachu's Tactical Missile Launcher. Yep thats right, you DO NOT mess with missiles.
[edit] Pokémon: The Movie 2000
Some guy in a flying thing laughs for two and a half hours while an UDO (Unidentified Diving Object) appeared during the severe disaster because of Global Warming.
After that Ash's pokedex is replaced with a new one because that thing broke it using aeroblast. Then, there is an example of BSOD.
[edit] Pokémon 3: The Movie
Some Unown drink Red Bull and fly around, and then the rest of the movie portrays landscapes similar to that you would see when you are in a euphoric state induced by alcohol and/or drugs containing pretty colors.
Entei pays Ash's mom to strip for it, the fucking whore.
[edit] Pokémon 4Ever
Celebi gets hit by a bug-type attack and dies because it sucks. Ash also gives into the temptation of crapping off an overpass. Suicune also shows up and run around because it has nothing better to do. The running sequence takes about 5 hours to get through.
[edit] Pokémon Heroes
Documentary where Bill Gates spots a Latias and Latios flying around (Probably because they have got Intel® Centrino® Mobile Technology built in (See the logo)).
Recently, they are known as the best UMPC (Ultra Mobile Personal Computer) in the world! This is because they have got the fastest Wi-Fi in the world (so that they can do sight-sharing). Even Bill Gates wants to be them!!
[edit] Pokémon: Jirachi Wishmaker
A gay magician gives Max a mysterious egg. It hatches into Jirachi, the plot device wish granting Pokemon. The magician steals Jirachi and uses it to create a giant gay Groudon. However, he is shocked to discover that the Groudon Jirachi creates is actually straight! Fortunately, May uses her bad singing to defeat it before it can destroy the world.
[edit] Pokémon: Destiny Deoxys
Deoxys? What the fuck is that? Some kind of burrito? Anyway this alien Pokemon that looks like a cross between your mom's DNA and George Bush's sperm cells goes to a city looking for his gay friend which turns out to be the green nutsack that a boy named Tory keeps on staring at. Ash and his sex partners transform the green balls into the alien thingie I said earlier while Rayquaza the big green flying dick of a dragon tries to kill the other alien for no reason by shooting lots of hyper beam attacks out of it's penis. Near the end of the movie the dragon, aliens, and everyone got buried and fucked by billions of block robots. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that the alien thingie kept on making clones of it's parts to rape everyone out of the city but unfortunately they didn't get Ash and his fuckers. At the end you'll notice that there was no bad guy in this movie! Man this show's plot really sucks.
[edit] Pokémon: Lucario and the Mystery of Mew
Ash solves a mystery with Mew to find Lucario! This ripped off Grue's Clues big time. Movie is Mew's attempt to remind everyone of the days when there was one secret legendary pokemon rather than 84. Easily the most furry Pokemon movie ever. After this movie the show is cancled for a month then the show is put back on tv. Then nobody ever watched pokemon because everyone thought it was fucking stupid
[edit] Pokémon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea
An emotional film. May gets extremely overwhelmed with emotions, and goes insane. It was considered one of the most emotional movies of the year, it was jam packed with so much heartwarming goodness. The directors executed the cuts and the music perfectly!!! Many people are known to cry thought the movie. Your mom happened to be one of them. It was just so emotional. Knowing this might be her last movie, May confessed in the deluxe DVD that she was sorry for all she'd done to hurt the crew. Indiana Jones and Shortround also makes an appearance, which makes this an emotional-action packed film. Then Manaphy gives birth to Melvin Sneedly.
[edit] The Rise of Darkrai (Japanese original name: Dialga VS Palkia VS Darkrai)
The gods of time and space battle for some reason and everybody dies. Then some black dude with a giant white thing coming out of its head shows up, and drinks tea and fights for 3 hours. Then everybody comes back to life again because the guys who make the Pokéman movies are pussies. Now with added Sarah Brightman!
[edit] Gigatitsna and the BowedGay of the Sky: GAYmin
Yet another installment with Regigigas and how he raped poor Shaymin and got beat the crap out of by Gigatitsna because the BowedGay spirit says that everyone should be gay and he comes from a parallel universe, thus, Darth Vader, Luke Skywalker, Thomas the Tank Engine, George Dubya Bush, Michael Vick, May, and Max (he turns into Boba Fett in this one.)Enter the scene to Beat some shit from Gigatitsna and the BowedGay Spirit. Oh wait! I almost forgot the Peekattcha short! General Grievous finally gets full custody of his hoe girlfriend Misty! But then again, it could've been your mom. Gigatitsna's just showed me big tits and gave me amnesia.
[edit] Pokemon:DialgaVSPalkiaVSGiratinaVSWorld War ?!?!
Pikachu gets sent to a contraction camp because he is a Jew. Ash and the gang eventually save him by catching Adolf Hitler in a Poke Ball. Unfourtanly, the camp drove Pikachu crazy, so when Ash came to get him Pikachu thought he was a German so he cut Ash's head off (in Japan's version). In the US Version, due to 4Kids, Ash dies later in the movie in a non-bloody scene. That scene is when Ash and friends get run over and killed by Thomas the Tank Engine and Barney eats them for dinner. It will make it's world premiere on Disney Channel(shit) (Miramax will release it(fuck you disney)) on December 21st, 2012 (possible end of the world). If the world doesn't end, it will be released on DVD two days later. This will be the last thing Pokemon ever, YAAAAHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!
[edit] Pokemon vs. Super Sentai (Power Rangers in USA dork..)
It seems they retconned the last movie PKMN: WW. Well, the Japs confirmed that there will be a PKMN vs. SS, or in America, PRPKMN team up to fight against monsters, and possibly Team Rocket. The cast is: Ash(Red Ranger/CarRed), May(Pink Ranger/TimePink), Dawn(Yellow Ranger/DekaYellow), Max(Green Ranger/MagiGreen), Brock(Blue Ranger/AbaBlue), Gary(Quantum Ranger/TimeFire), Omega Ranger, Mack(Red Operation Overdrive Ranger), Kimberly(MMPR Pink Ranger), Chip(Yellow Mystic Ranger), Ethan(Blue Dino Ranger), Tommy (Green Ranger MMPR). It is anime/live-action, so expect the original people of PR to come. In theatres July 4.
[edit] Pokemon:Son of Pachirisu
It turns out that Pachirisu is a completely slutty whore. She has sex with pokemon, people, and occasionally rocks. About one year later, its stomach bulged out. Dawn noticed this and took a pregnancy test on it. It was positive. Everyone decided to find to find the father. They were interrogating Pachirisu while using the pokemone voice translator. She had the child two billion years later. It had Pikachu's ears, Ash's skin, and Brock's hair.
[edit] Sing me the sucky theme song!
Why won't you go to the hell?
I want to be the very worst, like no one ever was.
To kill them is my real test; to destroy them is my cause!!!!
I will set fire to the land,, b u r n i n g ,far and wide!
Each pokemon, to terminate, and eat all their inside!!!
Pokemon! (Gotta kill them all!)
Its you vs. me!
I know it's my destiny
Pokemon!
Oh, you're my worst friend,
In a world that I must end!
Pokemon! (Gotta kill them all!)
A death so true!
My hatred will sure burn you......
You peeve me off and I'll blast you, POKEMON!!!
Gotta kill them all, gotta kill them aaaaaall! POKEMON!!!
Wow, that made me feel better! And now i feel $$$$$$$$$$HHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYY!
This is COPYRIGHTED! ILLEGAL! Copyright 1998B.C. 4Kids Entertainment, Inc. All Rights NOT RESERVED, YOU SUCKER!!! NOT 4KIDS AGAIN!
[edit] But wait! What about-
DIE MOTHER FUCKER! DIE! DIE MOTHER FUCKER! Oh dear. It seems that that that Bob was killed by the author for liking Pokemon a little too much. Good thing nobody cares
[edit] 4Kids Entertainment-
Current rulers of anime whose horribad Pokemon dubs are responsible for the destruction of Alliance Atlantis. Their company's headquarters was forged 2000 years ago from the tears of anime fans across America. A new Pokemon character is chosen by this evil organization every day to have their voices dubbed over to sound like a teletubby on crack, and then mass-distributed for lil American boogers to giggle at. The Emperor of Japan's heart exploded the day 4Kids started editing Naruto. ALL YOUR ANIME ARE BELONG TO THEM!
-Dickhead Alliance
[edit] The video games
DO NOT play them. They are as crappy as the thing this link leads to. Srsly.
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| Pokémon: | Electrode - Charmander - Grue - Hyundai - Ling-Ling - Meowth - Mewtwo - Mudkip - Pichu - Pikachu - Prophet polywag - Teh Cheat - Towelie - Whangdoodle - Wobbuffet - Togepi - Pikachu (Ash) - Piplup - Manaphy - Torchic - Mew - Yoshi - Latios and Latias |
| People: | Ash - Ash Rectum - Team Rocket - Misty - Brock - Professor Oak - Nurse Joy - Max (Pokemon) - Officer Jenny - Pokemon Kid - Dawn (alternate) |
| Other: | Pikachu seizure - Pikachusetts - Pokémon Battles - Pokémon (The Funny Version) - Windows FireRed/LeafGreen - Anime series - PokeBitches - 100 Worst Pokémon Cash-ins - Pokemon (Show) - List of Pokémon - UnNews - Christian Symbology - FCC censorship |
