Pamela Anderson
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
 | This article is a flimsy excuse to get pictures of tits on Uncyclopedia. Don't change a thing to remedy this. |
| NOT SAFE FOR WORK!! |
| The article you are looking at may not be work safe! | |
| If a boss or coworker saw this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied. |
“I did have sexual relations with that woman.”
~ Bill Clinton on Pamela Anderson
Pamela Anderson is a walking pair of boobs, best remembered nowadays for her work on the Emmy and Nobel winning Pneumatic Theory of Exposure for last night, & for her sexy planet-size melons. She developed this theory during her athletic career. She also invented what we call the titty fuck, and served bravely as Canada's Governor General during the Arctic Mammary Crisis of 2001.Note-- Anderson's lineage has been traced back to Chinese prostitutes who inhabited the Talla-wha-kuh region of northeastern Tunisia. She still lives there with three seals and a ukranian midget named Jamal. Recently, she spent 0.01% of her financial assets ($300,000,000,000,000,000, if you're interested) on extra breast implants, thus making her boobs slightly larger than an average house.
Contents |
[edit] Early Life
| Feminine Articles |
 |
| Articles About Feminine Issues |
 |
Anderson (a.k.a. Them Titties) was born in Ladysmith, British Columbia, near Victoria, British Columbia and Nanaimo, British Columbia, Canada, of partially Finnish ancestry (her paternal grandfather, Hermanni Hyytiäinen, from Saarijärvi, left Finland in 1908). Incorrectly believed to be the first baby born on Canada's Centennial Day (she was born at 4:08 in the morning), the newborn Anderson won fame as the nation's "Centennial Baby". However, the Campbell River Upper Islander of July 5, 1967 reported a baby born two hours earlier on the same Canada Day ([1]). [2] After her birth, her parents, Barry and Carol Anderson, moved to the town of Comox with Pamela, who was still a baby.
[edit] Athletic career
Pamela originally started her career as a middle linebacker for the Alberta Bumwhackers. Talented and versatile, she eventually landed a spot on baywatch because she gave some dude a hummer. Upon arriving in hot California from frigid Canada, she quickly disposed of her sweater, thus attracting a lot of attention from California men. As their idea of the pursuit of happiness didn't correspond with hers, she had to run to like hell and was discovered by an athletics coach, who suggested surgery
Pamela has won numerous gold and other precious medals in long distance running and in pneumatic beach volleyball at the Olympic Games in Los Angeles in 1980, Reykjavik in 1984 and Paris in 2012. Being a long distance runner, she used her pneumatics to gain extra momentum and lift to achieve victories which have helped to breast the winners tape.
[edit] Science
“She's got chemistry with a lot of tough guys and her physics are very interesting!!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pamela Anderson
[edit] Evolution of Her Breasts
Pamela's boobs became bigger as she got older, just like anyone else. The only difference is that Pamela hit puberty around age 23. This hints at the fact that her boobs developed to a much greater degree than your standard cunt. However since she shows one and not the other (except on tape) we will never know and can only guess or ask Tommy Hilfiger. There is another rumor that she was splashed with radioactive goo when swimming nude; the reason for this rumor is the fact that her boobs each have their own center of gravity, each approximately the size of a small moon. This rumor may not be true because she doesn't glow green but she sure is fertilised.
In recent years, Pamela Anderson has retired her boobs from service, and they both plan on leading rich, fulfilling lives as senior titizens. Her left jug plans to move to Florida and enjoy calm cool summers in the everglades, being chased by alligators and such. Her right gazonga plans to travel to France, and enjoy a variety of delectable wines and pastries. Lately, she spent trillions of dollars on new implants, making her boobs the size of buildings.
[edit] Love Life
After her 3 way romance with some Guy and some other lesbian, she formed temporary on-again off-again Camerican relationship with Kid Rock for about 2 years. Then they got engaged, broke it off, got together, broke it off and got married for 4 days. Kid Rock alledgedy threw rocks at his guitar after the final spilt which was due to his homosexuality.
[edit] Where is she now?
Endlessly staring at own nude breasts in mirror, as nipples visibly droop downwards towards floor. Last heard of in The Virgin Islands, where she has gone for recycling and renewal. It is also rumored that she is to marry Kazakh journalist Borat Sagdiev. It was also revealed that she is not Arnold Schwarzenegger's daughter. Pamela Anderson now spends her days delivering gifts to children all over the world on December 24th.
Other rumors state that Pamela has taken a role in the famously good anime Naruto, as the fifty year old women famous for using Smashy Smashy no Jutsu, having huge breasts, and a lesbian lover with a pet pig.
[edit] Interesting Facts
Beams of radiant heavenly light have been seen to shine from her vagina. It has been said that all those who see the light will have eternal life.
You are so unlucky that if Pamela Anderson visited you and found you sexy, she would still end up in bed with your disabled brother instead. Her boobs would be sawn off by him and then repeatedly pumped up for extra squeeziness, then finally deflating and being returned to George Bush, who claimed that they were his own.
You are so unlucky that if Pamela Anderson had triplets... You would be the one who is bottle fed.
She is the "Santa Claus" of Kazhastan.
Pamela is one of many intellectuals who claim to have developed the theory of innocent.
Her implants are listed as a Potential Energy Reserve source by the Department Of Energy due to the enormous amounts of silicon and other synthetic material.
[edit] Porn Tapes
As far as we know Pamela Big Boobed Anderson has made two sex tapes, one with Kid Rock and one with Tommy Lee. The cause of the tapes being made is still unkown. Did Pamela want to be known as a slut? Or did she want more publicity? Only she knows, and yes, thats Pamela Big Boobed Anderson!
[edit] The Red Potato Publicity Page
In 2007, Pamela Anderson was featued on the prestigous, Red Potatoe Publicity Page. She was honoured for her intense modesty and Canadian attributes.
[edit] Pamela Anderson Lee
Not to be confused with Pamela Anderson, Pamela Anderson Lee (or Pam Mark I) was the world's first artificial life-form, created by Hugh Hefner in 1989 in order to attract readers back to his flagging Playboy enterprise. Pam I was specifically designed to incite arousal in males and single-handedly saved Playboy. In 1996, Pam I was abducted by Christian fundamentalist Jenna Jameson, who intended to destroy the sex bot. Jameson was so turned on by Pam, however, that she returned the bot undamaged and devoted the rest of her life to starring in 'artistic' porno flicks. Pam I was succeeded by Pam Mark II in the late 1990s. The Mark II was characterised by unfeasibly large breasts and was programmed specifically for Tommy Lee Jones' pleasure. In 2006, Pam II made her television debut in the hit serial ' 'Stacked' ', a comedy about the funniest of all topics - books.
[edit] Internal and External Sites
'Bold text'
Categories: Flimsy excuses to get Tits on the wiki | Not safe for work | Women | Oscar Wildeizms | Hot Babes You Don't Have A Chance With | Scientists | Canadians | Whores | Boobage | Later Day Saint | Celebrity Deathmatch | Porn Stars | Sexy People | Stuff that lonely men masturbate over | Actors Who Unbefuckinglieveably Suck So Much Balls It's Hard To Imagine What Money Grabbing Cocksucker Gave Them An Acting Role | Things That Were Better in the 90s
