Babel:OW

[edit] Oscar's Chosen Article

[edit] Today's featured article

Begging the question is a popular but difficult way of persuading interrogative statements to grant favors. Although many people have attempted to shake down questions for cash, gifts and other benefits, the questions make the following tacit assumption:

Only someone who does not need my money would ask me for it.

The fact you are asking me for money is proof of this.

Many people use the phrase "begging the question" interchangeably with "raising (money from) the question," but the two are very different. Panhandling the question assumes you will get a quarter from "Where is the library?" by merely asking the query for change for the bus. But raising money from philanthropists like "What's that smell?" and "Can't you read?" is an elaborate and tricky affair that relies on observing a question over several weeks before raising money from it. (more...)

[edit] Yesterday's featured article

This blog was the sole artifact salvaged from the remains of The Milky Way Fighter Jet 001 on December 18, A.D. 2101... Yes, in the future, people actually have to write blogs on paper. Isn't that cool?

Hello, diary. You will be my new best friend. My name is Captain. I am not really a captain, but my father named me as such, because he said it builds character. I think he just like to insult me for not being real captain, which he never got to be either. At least he didn't name me "Prostitute" as he did my sister. She get much attention from the urban hipsters, if you catch my drifting. Today is a very happy occasion. I am about to be graduate from college. It was very hard, but I did. It. I graduate at top of class for English grammer, and will maybe even be writer of the sequal to the Bible. But nobody told me for sure yet. So, the day is very happy. We get big party, and Mother gave me you, the diary, to write in the things of my occuring. But Father telled me that it was very homo-sapian-sexual to write in diary, so I now call you blog in front of him. I do not wish to be mistaken for those that walk with their tails in their thighs, as the saying goes. I am very excite now because about to be leave in the vehicle on way to festivities... I shall see you later. (more...)

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[edit] Why was I born with such contemporaries?

August 28: International Horniness Day.

• 2,000,000 BC - Homo flaccidus has a hard time getting a date.
• 1,000,000 BC - Homo erectus gets horny and manages to get his own boner without assistance.
• 100,000 BC - Homo erectus finally loses its erection and becomes sapiens.
• 900,000 BC - Adam and Eve become horny.
• 33 - Jesus horny for the last time.
• 489 - Theodoric, King of the Ostrogoths defeats Odoacer, King of Cers the at the Battle of Iseeyourgonzoandraiseyouaspliff.
• 1542 - Sion Corn Discovers horny milk in West Wales,UK. Burned at Stake for Heresy.
• 1845 - The first issue of Unscientific Horny American is published. The centerfold (which features a different Nobel-Prize-winning scientist each month) proves unpopular, and is discontinued almost immediately.
• 1941 - Miso Horny named Japan's National Soup.
• 1942 - Teddy Roosevelt horny in Jacksonville, Florida. He was then arrested.
• 1987 - Me gets so horny for you.
• 1988 - In Soviet Russia, horny gets so you for me.
• 2010 - Giant Horny Cheese invades earth and takes Hailers Hostage.

The history of the United Kingdom

[edit] The one duty we owe to history is to rewrite it.

• Joe Biden has too many hats.

• Some Asian video game released; Everyone gives rat's ass.

• God stuns Christians everywhere by rewriting the Bible. (pictured)

• New research shows Earth was once full of life.

• Turtle racing is really damn boring.

• The animals of Brookfield Zoo have killed everyone in the area and plan the genocide of all humans.

• Something happened today.

• A drunk man finds driving unbelievably difficult, and then gets arrested.

• Quietly, a tiger plans an infant's murder and devouring.

• Distraught IOC members call out for more drugs in Olympics.

• Hyrule physicists report strange quantum fluctuations.

• Britney Spears yawns, which is amazing.

• The United States is in a state of panic over the Ladies' Home Journal's shocking caricature of Obama.

• UnNews hoax about British MI5 seeking gay agents makes it to world headlines.

• Uh... Dude? You kind of, well... are in my way.

Today in London

[edit] It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information, so did you know...

From Uncyclopedia's playwrights:

• ...that there are 34 cuts in the deceased racing horse Kraft Dinner?

Read on

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[edit] This Month's Wit

Sometimes you have to walk in the dead of night. Through back alleys and into shady neighborhoods. And sometimes you have to have to go where no human being with smell receptor cells in their nostrils should ever have to go: The sewer. There, in the shady bleakness of it all lives the polite and well-mannered creature of the night, the horrible UNDER USER. He is the purveyor of pointless military things, the wrapper of bubbles, the shopper of lists, the fucker of offs... and the acclaimed mystery author! He's Under user, and yes, I know I've said that already!

And now if you'll please follow me down the hall, we'll take a look at one of our most recent additions, the Simia erectus species, also known as the Monkey Man. Due to its distinguishable similarities to us humans, it was widely believed until recently that these particular specimens were merely ugly children. However, recent actual accomplishments in the "No Child Left Behind" laws have given us more chances to study these magnificent creatures up close. One of the most fascinating things about this species is that they can go entire days, weeks, even months, doing absolutely nothing, completely oblivious to the world around them. Then again, this individual Simian seems bored by such an uneventful life. This particular Monkey Man enjoys playing with fire, long walks on the beach, and in his spare time likes to peel his bananas. Pun intended.

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