Marlon Brando
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 This Article Is Not Endorsed By Marlon BrandoI may be dead, but i know what I like, and I don't like this ~ Marlon
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Actor from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Brando is the fucking maaaaaaaaaaaan, he's the fucking maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan! He's fucking good. All in all...he's okay I guess. He had a fucking method, if you know what I mean.
He was in the Super Soldier movie series from 1957 to 1966 before he got help and was replaced by Greg Louganis. He also was famous for playing some fat Italian guy in The Godfather.
Idolised by millions, his temporaly fluxing origins remained a mystery to his fans for years. Ironically it was the time machine itself that eventually gave away his secret. Its position in his rear end proved a major problem for Brando's digestive system, and the continual backlog of half digested food played a pivotal role the actor's weight gain problems causing him to balloon up to well over 7000 lbs. The time machine was eventually removed by an emergency enema in 2002 and the actor’s subsequent weight loss earned him the coveted title of Slimmer of the Year 2003.
He didn't believe in shirts, and launched a public campaign protesting the tyranny of shirts in 1950s America. He was notorious for ripping off his shirt at the most inopportune time, to show off his sexy torso. His actions produced a frenzy within the American Establishment, who asserted that Brando's action defied the Laws opf God, Man, and Satan alike, and because every (man and) woman in America wanted Brando's address. In consequence to this intense media scrutiny over his taut, sexy torso and the controversy surrounding his shirtless politics, Brando fled to Tahiti and father 25 illegitimate children with several of his many mistresses.
There is much speculation over the origins of Brando's fabled time manipulation device. One popular theory has it that he received it in a blood pact with Satan in exchange for his very soul. Another states that as the last survivor of a war ravaged earth, he stumbled upon it in a secret pentagon bunker, pried it from the cold dead hands of its inventor, and set upon a one way journey to the past, in the vain hope that he could somehow avert mankind’s awful destiny. Primarily through the hilarious medium of slapstick comedy. Brando’s own eventual explanation was that he purchased it from the QVC Home Shopping network for the low low price of just $29.99 plus postage. This explanation is largely dismissed as boring
Brando’s career has died off in recent years, but in March 2005 he once again hit headlines by being the first Oscar nominated actor to remove himself from existence via the grandfather paradox. A title previously held by 11 time academy award winner Brooke Shields XXXIV.
Brando was the only known immovable object in existence, but met his demise when he met an unstoppable force in the form of Vin Diesel in an unfortunate automobile accident.
[edit] The Loss of California
For the first hundred and fifty years of its existence, California was the home of screen and song, smoke and mirrors, lights, camera, and hot, steamy action. Brando played a major part in this, and was a long-time fixture of the California landscape. After his travels to the future and the past, Brando arrived in the year 1992 to find that California was disappearing behind its own illusions.
Unable to help the citizens of California who were already blinded by their own illusions, Brando settled for giving tours to people from outside California. Using his keen memory and heightened senses[citation needed], Brando was able to guide outsiders through the ever-shifting illusions of California. As time passed, California only got worse, and by 2002 Brando had rediscovered his penis, Brando was one of the only people who could still see the real California. After his death in 2003, it was said that "You can't see California without Marlon Brando's Eyes". Sadly, this remains true to this day.
[edit] Post Death
Since his death due to chronic obesity, Rotting Corpse Brando, has been happily married to necrophilliac Richard Karn.
Also, following the timely death of singing black-man James Brown, Marlon Brando has been bestowed the official yet meaningless title of "godfather of soul".
Marlon Brando was sexy once. I just wanted to say that. He was sooo sexy, he made me cream my pants.
Hey just wondering if that was single or double cream
In late 2007, Brando rose from the grave and caused havoc on Hollywood. He reportedly confronted Britney Spears outside of a nightclub and simply said to her, "you're a fucking loon," and went on his way. Some say he even ran into Bono and had a word with him saying, "Your music sucks. It just sucks." Experts say he will rise in 15 years and may cause earthquakes and showers of blood.
