Today's featured article
Burslem, Stroke-on-Trent, ENGLAND: Cancer Research UK's tireless fundraising efforts, coupled with a massive anonymous donation, suddenly flooded scientists in Stroke-on-Trent with research money, last week. Anxious to put it to use saving lives of cancer victims, they quickly began running tests on all sorts of fancy sciencey things that UnNews's ADD-ridden reporter couldn't concentrate on long enough to write down. This did not last very long, however, as the funds were soon devoted to what scientists called a "way funnier thing." (more...)
Yesterday's featured article
Sarah Plain and Tall, a character from some books in the 19th century, is one of the least lively, and most boring, fictional characters ever devised. Sarah Plain and Tall is not known to be exciting or interesting, and is mostly just a tall, plain person who has never done anything interesting in her whole entire God-damned life. Set in Atlanta, Georgia near the time of the Civil War, this 412 chapter snoozefest will take up all your free time.
I'm serious! Why are you looking at me that way, I'm serious. Don't expect anything out of this article other than a very long, in-depth description of her basic attributes. There is nothing interesting in this article. These are just the straight facts, and not a parody of the boringness of this book. This is, after all, Wikipedia (I hope). I wouldn't do that to you, seeing as how I edit Wikipedia and all. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that, despite the invention of the doorbell, knock-knock jokes have yet to be replaced by ding-dong jokes?
- ...that you have two cows; Bessie, Maisie, and Clarabelle? You also have trouble counting.
- ...that, in a pinch, anthrax can be substituted for cocaine?
- ...that he who laughs last thinks slowest?
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In the news
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- Optimus Prime dead, Autobots overjoyed.
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On this day...
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 The infamous "Tonight Show" slip up. August 8: For God's Sake Leave Your Bloody Cellphone Alone For 5 Minutes Day, MS Paint n008 day.
- 1012 - Monks discover how angry God can get.
- 1576 - The cornerstone for Tycho Brahe's Uraniborg observatory is laid by Hven. The first Borg was sighted 3 years later, some 4.7 parsecs distance.
- 1876 - Thomas Edison receives a patent for his mimeograph, which duplicates mimes.
- 1888 - Windemere, a tiny, neurotic jew, belonging to American writer Ernest Hemingway, was born Shlomo Tevyah
- 1961 - Birthday of U2's The Edge, as well as his twin brother, The Corner.
- 1980 - Wait just a sec, I have a call. Hello? Yeah. Yeah. No, they're right here. I don't know, something about an anniversary. Hah, yeah, I know. And that stupid-looking hat, yeah. Oh, sorry, I gotta let you go.
- 1982 - Shit, sorry, this is the last call, I promise. Hey. It's on the counter. It's on the counter. On the counter. The counter. On the - it's on the FUCKING COUNTER! THE COUNTER! ON THE COUNTER!
- 1998 - Your Cell phone becomes more important than your mother.
- 2004 - Fay Wray, American actress (b. 1907), passes away, after slipping on an enormous banana peel.
- 2005 - Uncyclopedia's 10000th Article is written. It's a disappointment.
- 2005 - However, The 10001st article is an overwhelming success
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| Colonization of the Week
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Hell
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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