Jesus Marx

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Jesus Marx (January 1, 1900 - The Future) is what happens when Lenin finds Jesus' DNA and mixes it with the remains of Karl Marx's DNA, the DNA that existed before Karl Marx became Adam West. He was also the first man ever to give birth...to Adolf Hitler. Hitler is also remembered as Adolph Hilter and has a big red shiny nose. This is why Christians say that Communism is like Christianity without God. Communism started when children began chanting Adolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.

Jesus Marx makes his rounds.

[edit] The Christian Manifesto

Jesus Marx's greatest work was told to be The Christian Manifesto, telling all Christians to revolt against the Muslims, Jews, Hindus, but not the Buddhists because they're fat, so instead drive-by liposuction them. A famous quote from it is "The Christians of the world have nothing to lose but the minorities, they have a world to win, Christians of the world, Unite!". This quote angered many followers of Karl Marx, who buried evidence of Jesus Marx ever existing. Jesus Marx then fell into a severe state of depression.

Jesus Marx once came to my birthday party potluck, he ate all the food, spilled beer on my fiancée, and then peed in my swimming pool. I tried to tell
him that he was being inappropriate but he just replied, "have you ever seen an alligator with sunglasses?" I said no, Charles Barkley left the
party, my fiancee left me and all I do is write articles on Uncyclopedia, but the food pellets sure are nice :)

[edit] The Communist Manifesto II

Jesus Marx decided to convert to Communism, rather than Christianity, and burned all copies of The Christian Manifesto he could find. This was exactly like The Communist Manifesto, except it added ", again." to a bunch of lines, examples being: "The workers of the world have nothing to lose but their chains, they have a world to win; Workers of the world: Unite! Again!" Although this sequel to the Communist Manifesto was very lame, people agreed it was better than those sequels to the Matrix. Jesus Marx then gained his followers and led a revolt in the USA, tearing it down and forming the United States of Socialist America, or the USSA, but still called the US.

[edit] The Bible II

Baby Jesus Marx

The Bible II was like the Bible, but better because it got rid of all the old stuff, and was completely new. The main idea of it was to avoid the coming of the Anti-Commie who would come around the time of the re-coming of Jesus Marx. Oh, and God.

[edit] Powers

It is notable that Jesus Marx retained Karl Marx's laser eyes and robotic arm. He has the alchemy powers of Jesus and can not only walk on water, but he can also talk to water. The talking to water part is useless, because water is not an intelligent life form, nor a life form at all. Jesus Marx has the ability to fuse with a Raptor and become Raptor Jesus.

[edit] The End of Jesus Marx

Jesus Marx met a terrible fate when he stabbed himself in the brain with a stapler. Nobody is sure how this happened, but it separated the Jesus DNA and the Karl Marx DNA, so they replaced the Jesus DNA with Trotsky DNA, forming Leon Marx, who would have great adventures... in space.

[edit] Quotes

• "We should have a Christia* Revolution!"
• "The Internet is a powerful tool... Good thing Al Gore invented it."
• "Adam and Eve? Don't you mean Adam and Steve?"
• "No. I meant Madame and Eve."
• "Oh yeah... that happened. Not really, just bullshitting you, LOL."
• "Why does it glow, Jesus?" "I don't know, LOL."
• "Listen Bra, what we needs is some hard hittin' niggas with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch."
• "Old Bible, schmold Bible!"
• "I have forseen a sight of great truth. His name, is Kanye West. Do not be fooled people - he's a c*nt"

[edit] See Also

• Karl Marx
• Adam West
• Lenin
• Jesus
• Leon Trotsky