Horse

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A horse is something you ride, maybe you were looking for your mum?

“I would never ever do a horse...wait haven't I.. ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Equius

“Why the long face?”

~ Captain Obvious on Horses
A sea-horse.
A sea-horse.
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Horse.


Before we begin, you should all know that horses don't actually exist, everyone is just high.

Horses are monitoring devices created by Gonarch to research the activities of humans. In an attempt to get them to Earth in time for the development of humanity Gonarch's designers rushed the final design, thus making them vastly inefficient. This is why they produce such large amounts of exhaust/manure.

A fine specimen frolicking on a country ranch.
A fine specimen frolicking on a country ranch.

Contents

[edit] Horses in Mathematics

A horse is a stable constant, and should not be confused with variables such as sausages. Only when a horse constant is divided, possibly into mince, may it up as a sausage. Divisions are mashed, and stuffed with other ingredients to form an enjoyable dish, if cheese is not one of the participants.

The only other use of the constant horse is that amount of hay and manure is proportional to the horse. The horse-lovers are people, who are constantly covered in horse hair, poop, and other questionable substances. Even though this is futile, since the horse is a constant and cannot be interested in deals. Furthermore, the growth in rosegardens is differentially affected.


[edit] Horses and their massive cocks

Horses have massive knobs, unlike humans apart from the humans who are hung like a horse but they just stole it from a horse when he wasnt looking. Horses can of course induce deadly dickslaps on unsurspecting people. They are usually the thing the horse is most proud of because sizes usually range from 15 to 65 miles long.

[edit] Defense Mechanism

If a horse feels a person is taking too much interest in it, and it is at risk of being discovered to be a spy it will use its mind control techniques to affect the subject, making them look after the horse, providing it with the resources it needs, but only investigating it in a moronic way. Indicators of horse control:

  • Can smell moldy hay at ten paces, but can't tell whether milk has gone bad until it turns chunky.
  • Finds the occasional "Buck and Toot" session hugely entertaining, but severely chastises spouse for similar antics.
  • Will spend hours cleaning and conditioning her tack, but wants to eat on paper plates so there are no dishes.
  • Will pick a horse/DONKEY's nose, and call it cleaning, but becomes verbally violent if a spouse picks his.
  • Can sit through a four-hour session of a ground work clinic, but unable to make it through a half-hour episode of Cops.

[edit] Interesting Facts

A former person who has had Species Reassignment Surgery to become a horse. Not to be confused with Pantomime
A former person who has had Species Reassignment Surgery to become a horse. Not to be confused with Pantomime
  • The only way to clean the snow off a windshield is to use a horsecomb.
  • John Kerry, Sarah Jessica Parker, Hilary Swank,and Nancy Kerrigan are all horses
  • A number of preteen and teenaged would-be fantasy artists have severe obsessions with drawing horses and horselike creatures. Such would-be fantasy artists are usually seen in Elfwood and Deviantart. This unhealthy habit of horselike drawing is widely considered one step below the obsessive drawing of dragons and "ligers"
  • Most of those would-be fantasy artists refuse to refer to horses as horses; rather, they prefer the term "equine". Although this has been attributed to the focus on political correctness forced by the liberal media, the actual reason the "equine" term is preferred is so that those using the term can raise their eyebrows smugly as if they knew something you didn't. It has been proven that horses really don't care what you call them, as long as you say it in the right tone of voice.
  • Some people even look like horses, in general.
    Image:MAN515097.jpg
    A living example of a cross bred human.
  • Horses that come in the night, often called "night mares" or "nightmares" should not be confused with "night lights" which are used to prevent grues from eating children.

“NEIGH!!!!!!!!!!!!*squeak*NEIGH!!!!!!!!!!!*fart*”

  • A horse will not respond to its name unless you train it with rum.
  • Contrary to poular belief, horses are edible. "Horse radish", however, is not actually made from horses or radishes. It is actually a kind of operating theater.
  • The biggest fanbase of horsekind is among circles of preteen girls. These preteen girls--a species even more harmful than the horse--often show their patriotism toward horsekind by hanging posters of horses and reading pulp fiction books in which wild horses are tamed by the power of love and pacifism. It is commonly understood that horses of this type can summon rainbows at will.

[edit] Horse Humour

  • Where did the horse that needed brain surgery go?
    • The Foundation Horspital
  • Where did the horse go to retire?
    • A glue factory
  • Why did the pony go to the hospital?
    • He was a little hoarse.
  • Why did the horse have a grudge against his owner?
    • He thought he was saddled with him
  • Doctor, Doctor, I've got a horsey cough
    • You could have foaled me
  • A horse walks into a bar and the barman says:
    • Why the long face? The horse responds "I got the clap"
  • What's a horse's favorite letter of the alphabet?
    • A
  • What do you call a hungry horse only using single letters?
    • M T GG ( huhuhu get it? MT is like, empty! and gg is horse!)
  • What did the guy that just read all the horse jokes expecting something funny say?
    • If I ever hear another horse joke, I'm going to kill everyone

[edit] Famous Horses

[edit] External Links

[edit] See Also

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