Glue
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“You ale in a pitch brack loom. You ale rikery to be eaten by a glue.”
~ Chinese glueologist on Glue
“Glue is fracking AWESOME!”
~ Starbuck on Glue
“Glue? I can afford heroin, you fucks...”
~ Bill Hicks on Glue
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Glue (Glue?), not to be confused with Paste is a chemical element which, if it was one of the fake elements, would be underneath the bottom row of the periodic table where it could not be seen. In its primary form, glue is a whitish translucent ooziferous liquid that, when solidifies, bonds to almost any porous solid; although it is also known to exist as a disgusting brownish syrup that doesn't stick to anything at all.
Glue comes from glue deposits that are found deep inside horses. The world's largest supplier of white glue is Mister Ed.The stickiest and strongest of their product line is Seabiscuit, known throughout the galaxy as 'ahhh i've glued my lip to my forehead' glue. As of 2005, strip mining operations have already devastated nearly 70% of the otherwise useless horse in order to provide industries and kindergartens with this precious gooey substance.
The newcome invention of the glue stick was popularized by the Barbaro plant in Baltimore, Maryland, though production of the new samples taken several agonizing months.
Glue is used primarily in the manufacture of Antarctica, unicorn horns, and macaroni & glitter-dust art work. It is also eaten, in mass quantities, by children.
Children (Child-run) seem to use the otherwise, rather tasty glue as an Aphrodisiac. This explains the massive birth rate in Brittian as of 1276 (the year glue was first found inside a dead horse).
[edit] Glue Culture
Glue is a staple part of the diet in Halifax, where the annual Glue Eating Festival brings thousands of visitors each year.
Glue is sauteed, fried, boiled, mashed, sweetened, salted, grilled, simmered, broccolitized and caramelized then smothered in Glue Dressing for a delicious effect that makes you vomit approximately 2.5 hours later.
The Annual Glue Hurling competition coincides with the Glue Eating Festival. A champion Glue-Hurler can hurl Glue to 5000 leagues under the sea. Now that's a long way down!
People who eat glue are called Glue-Heads, and wander aimlessly about in a perpetual state of stickiness, knowing neither which way is up or down, nor why their name begins with the letter = all of the sudden.
Dr. Phil has has many frequent guests on the show who have been treated for Glucoses: A psychological result of eating too much glue while running backwards on a treadmill, Glucoses is a common affliction in Halifax, where people have nothing better to do.
[edit] Facts about Glue
- Glue is invisible in it's gaseous state.
- 99.9% of people in Halifax eat Glue every day.
- Glue FLOATS!!!!!!!
- Glue is illegal to use in Los Angeles, Riverside, San Bernardino and Orange counties by the Air Pollution Control office.
- Glue is dastardly
