Gerard Finneran
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“I did not crap on a United Airlines drink cart. Well, ok I guess I did a little bit.”
~ Gerard Finneran on Crap on the drink cart
“I have nothing but love for a guy who has the balls to crap on a drink cart. Who hasn't been on a flight and wanted to grow a tail on the drink cart. This Finneran douche is a martyr to all those who do stupid things that everyone else is too chicken shit to do. Praise to Allah!”
~ Mike Tyson on Gerard Finneran
“This man should run for President.”
~ Citizens of Germany on Vote for Gerard
In November 1995, Finneran flew first-class on United Airlines from Buenos Aires to New York, returning from a business trip. He asked for a drink before the plane took off, then another, and another. In case he wasn't entirely drunk, he asked for another drink, just in case. Finally, the crew stopped serving him. The obvious next course of action for a reasonable person is to start fixing yourself some drinks. The unpleasant and rude flight crew did not like the self service, probably because they are in some union or something of that nature. Finneran demanded more drinks from his rude union card holding flight staff. Finally when a female flight attendant refused, Finneran pushed the attendant and did only what a reasonable person would do. Finneran went ahead and took a crap on the in-flight drink cart.
Finneran saw this as an opportunity to make a statement for all of those people who dream of taking a crap on the drink cart! Finneran went ahead and smeared his crap all over his nice leather first class seat. This of course is what can only be considered an action of a hero!
Shockingly, this was not viewed as heroic behavior by everyone. Unfortunately when the flight landed, our hero Gerard Finneran was arrested. As a punishment, the Government and the Jewish Mafia cauterized Finneran's sphincter so he could no longer take a crap. He is now a Martyr to people everywhere that appreciate a good turd on a drink cart, Germans, and people who travel often.
[edit] Awards
- Finneran was honored by Boy Scouts of America
- Employee of the month at Waffle House #2244
- Champion of Peace by the Republic of Germany
- Friend of Bob Saget Award
- Badge of Honor from the Cleveland Steamer Society
[edit] Reaction from important people
“Are you serious? I've done this numerous times, why is this clown getting all the attention?”
~ Leonard Nimoy on What's so special about this guy.
“This guy is hot. Tell him to text me.”
~ Paris Hilton on Being a skank.
“I bet this guy eats a lot of oat meal.”
~ Wilfred Brimley on the benefits of eating your oats.
“I saw this guy grow a tail. Rack him.”
~ Jim Rome on growing a tail.
