Darth Hitler
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Hitler in General |
| Persons named Hitler |
| Other Hitlers |
| Imitation Hitlers |
| Could be Hitler (due to vowel orthogonality) |
| If you are not offended by it, please edit it so that you will be in the future. For an example of how to be offensive, see: Death camps |
“ Are these the Jews we're looking for?”
~ Darth lesbians on Jew Droids
“ Jew, I am your Fuhrer.”
~ Darth Hitler
Darth Grautzergruben Wolfenstein Luftwaffe Velishteibel Hitler (December 4, 1889 – April 30, 1945) was Chancellor of the Empire from 1933 til his death in 1945. His leader was the National Socialist German Moisturefarmers Party, better known as the Imperial Forces.
Darth Hitler was born on a large swamp outside of Hillsbrook, West Africa. As a young child he was caught kitten huffing and was forced to smash each of his own fingers with cucumber salad. He once farted out the entire cast of "Three's Company" (which later caused him to despise himself). His parents were actually mongolian pedestrians who didn't love him since uptill the age of 14 he had a tumor that covered the entire left half of his face. Soon after having it removed he ripped open the throats of 247 small children to suck their organ through the throat like a bendy straw.
He gained power in the wake of grand sweeping moisture failure. Using propaganda and the Force, he appealed to the needs of the thirsty and those who just couldn't take living any longer, using many cheesy slogans such as "come to the Dark Side, we have cookies." With these sweeping reforms to the concept of what makes a good government, he overthrew Emperor Palpatine. He spent his final days trapped in a bunker, before eventually choking himself to death with a toilet plunger.He Also Enjoyed Tying His Nob In A Knot And Playing Twister With Pete Dokerty And Amy Winehouse.
[edit] The High Life
During the early years of his reign, everything was just plain peachy. Unfortunately, with the rise of the Rebels (commonly referred to by himself as "the Rebel Scum" or "those Jew lovers"), came the annoying realization that he just couldn't choke the life out of every single person (he tried, but got headaches). After many unsuccessful attempts to destroy the Rebel Scum he tried being nice to them, and opened up the Rebel holiday camp Auschwitz. However, its low star rating and mysterious deadly gas chambers only irritated guests and often sued which lead to him taking out a loan with Rebel finances, who cheated him and so he lost more money.
He continued to fight off his Bipolar Disorder with a steady mixture of anti-depressants, whiskey and promotions—a common example of which was appearing on the Wheaties box. (Wheaties was ever after known as "Breakfast of the Sith".)
Darth Hitler also enjoyed a breif fling with neil buchanan of Art Attack fame.
[edit] The Rough Years
Following the destruction of the Death Star, Darth Hitler moped around on the talkshow circuit promoting his book Mein Todesstern. The book itself was mostly a memoire of his times on the Death Star and how shortlived the fully-operational battlestation was. He also went on several tangents including breakfasts served and several references to the pride of killing his own men.
Unfortunately, poor sales of the book only dragged him further into depression, eventually leading to taking his own life. Some say he still lives, as cum stains found on different planets are the same as those stored in his sperm bank but his still existence is unproven. After his extraordinary legacy he was scarred by obi wan churchill on which he turned out to be a blood sucking gorilla.
