Clinja
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Ever spent a long night on a Unix terminal? Then you may have encountered the cli-ninja, or clinja for short. The Clinja is a cross-breed of Ninjas and Clowns. They can frequently be found visiting malls, freeways, and lighting it up inside a small Volkswagen.
Approximately 90 Clinjas can fit into one Volkswagen Beetle, 70 more than the maximum number of clowns, giving them a large strategic advantage in battle and a small depression where the handbrake was poking into them. Clinjas, as the cross-breeds of Ninjas and Clowns, possess the extraordinary abilities of both races, and combine them to form Super Par--GAAK!
[edit] Activities
During parties, Clinjas are a merry, happy species. To the chagrin of many parents, Clinjas enjoy sneaking Clinjalike into a random child's birthday party by breaking through the skylight on ziplines while honking handheld bicycle horns. Frequent activities include the traditional throwing of brightly colored balls at children. Such balls are known to contain various party favourites such as Ricin, VX Nerve Agent, and free AOL software. The Clinjas throw their balls with deadly accuracy, causing concussions, blood loss, Hepatitis B and naturally plenty of laughter, giggles, and screams. Clinjas are the only known creature to successfully create a balloon llama, a representation of the holiest animal on earth in balloon form. Clinja adults and children never cease to enjoy the launch of projectile objects at an audience. Pin the Tail on the Donkey is another favorite game, resulting in only minor injuries in most cases. When Pin the Tail fails to stoke the audience's fervor, however, Clinja families bring out the HaHaKatana. It is still unclear whether the aftermath of the HaHaKatana is the result of Clinjas' natural hatred for all lesser forms of life, or simply a joke lost in trans--NOOO!CLINJA!
When a party is over, usually the result of being busted by the cops, or the lack of attached heads, Clinjas depart with a ceremonial bow and a flick off a thermal detonator. Many a city block owes the fine maintenance of roads to a friendly Clinja cla--GAAK!
Clinja parents are ruthless, however, and much like birds, tend to push their young out of the nest. Adult Clinjas will leave a baby Clinja in a room filled with stuffed animals, and expect them to entertain themselves. No Clinja thus far has passed the test, but as observers, we're reluctant to tell them that stuffed animals have extremely high standards and should only be entertained by strippers with huge boobs.
Many Clinjas choose to travel by Unicycle. This serves a few purposes. Many Clinjas believe that the ground they walk on is cursed so as to prevent any mishaps they travel above the ground. They also travel in this way as a show of strength, in that to travel on such a vehicle as a non-eunuch shows a high pain threshold and that the Clinja is truly a foe not to be trifled wi--GAAK!
Copyright feuds between Samurai, Ninjas and Clinjas over the Mach 3 Triple Bladed Katana are currently underway. All said groups were Kitten huffing at the time of invention, so no one has a clue in a location considered by some religions to be a place of eternal damnation.
In other news, crumbs are the staple food of Clinjas. Researchers believe this diet is an act of defiance against the Samu-Pira Accord of 57 B.C. This way Clinjas can damn pirates and samurai to eternal damnation.
The art of the Clinja is known as Clin-Jutsu. It is among the many programs taught at Clown Enema University.
And finally, the Clinjas tend to silence whoever records data on them, trying to keep themselves as unknown and unpredictable as possible. I myself will try not to undergo the same fate as my predecessors...
[edit] Environmental Issues
A Clinja's most common food is the Elmo or, Sesame Dog.The combination of Ninja and Clown heritage results in oversized dark stealth shoes, which, unfortunately, decreases their sneaking ability at the gain of much laughter and noise. Sadly, this causes the Clinja species to frequently fall off roofs of houses to their demise. The Clinja species is quite rare as an unfortunate result. Recent conservation efforts have included tagging the Clinjas and augmenting their shoes with sticky tape, but Clinja rights support groups have objected to these efforts in recent years. No one is entirely certain what the Clinjas themselves think of these efforts, as every attempt to study them has resulted in the often messy demise of the study te--
Research is currently underway into the cross-breeding of Clinjas with Hot Ninja Babes. It is hoped that the oversized stealth shoes can be balanced out with a pair of giant-sized breasts. Of course, no mating between a Clinja and a Hot Ninja Babe has ever succeeded (just look at them all for god's sake), and it is being voted a waste of a huge amount of money, my time, your time, and the univer--.
[edit] Training for Profit
The Clinjas have trained former documentary film makers "The Kids In The Hall" to kill members of the cult group Fark, paid for by the joined forces of Oprah and the Pope. The Clinjas have killed 951 members of this group by internal bleeding. Clinjas love to eat and torture the readers of Wikipedia. Clinjas definitely love to work for human eyes. They charge about 7.5 eyes a minute. Clinjas are endorsed by Bank O---GAAAK!.
