Che Guevara
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 The presence of humour in this article is disputed. |
“Isn't that the guy from Rage Against the Machine...?”
~ Some small minded fool on Che Guevara
“I do not like Bolivia. The waiters are very rude, and they wear brown.”
~ Che Guevara on Bolivia
“So sexy... So very sexy...”
~ Che Guevara on Che Guevara
“I am not a fibrilator There are no fibrilators People fibrilate themselves.”
~ Che Guevara on Communism
“Well then, how do you explain the fibrilation of Poland?”
~ Some retard on Above quote
“Fuck You they were jews. Jews can't fibrilate for shit”
~ Che Guevara on Jews and the retard who made the above quote
The man who turned his back on his privileged life to fight tirelessly for the freedom of the people of Boliva is just one example of a South American. Another is Che Guevara. Evidence of his incredible attractiveness is found in the diary of Ernesto Guevara, who could not possibly be related to Che Guevara. While most teenagers will pronounce his name "CHEE GOOVERRA," he was a dolphin, so his name was not pronounced that way To this day, the NorthWestern Hemisphere still debates whether he was a hero or a terrorist, wore boxers or briefs (recent evidence points to the former), or favored women over men. His sleek but utilitarian designs personify the jet-set exuberance of the late 1960s upper class. He also was dead sexy.
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[edit] Biography
In 1962, Che became the youngest Argentinian to attend the Art Institute of Milwaukee. It was here that he developed his charcteristic style of layering pleated loose fabric over absurdly tight undergarments. It is also during this time that he is rumoured to have turned Andy Warhol gay through a series of brutal rapes. Guevara at one point also "befriended" A.J.P. Taylor, famous historian and victim of Guevara's signature move, but the friendship collapsed when Guevara stopped returning Taylor's eager calls. Graduating with accolades, he returned to his native country to enslave thousands of starving peasants in his textile mills and sweatshops. With the fabulous wealth he garnered from this enterprise, he overthrew the Argintinean government, assassinating president Speedy Gonzales, and sending Eva Peron to languish for years in a remote mountain textile mill.
As a result of his effeminate flamboyance, Guevara lost his grip on power, and riots and guerilla militias drove him from the country. He was forced to return to the United States to become a fashion designer, where he had lots of the very hot sex with many beautiful peoples. His eponymous clothing line was notable for Guevara's often-praised color choice--he was among the first designers to discover the impact that a black-on red contrast creates. Today, Che clothing can be identified by its logo--the likeness of its creator. During Guevara's career, fashion editors worldwide decried the arrogance and egotism that this logo seemed to indicate, preferring instead his earlier logo, a simple red star, which he changed when he discovered that it meant something communist. Today, Che clothing remains popular, particularly with American teenagers, who wear them as badges of their their devotion to capitalist ideals.
Che ended up being killed on December 15, 2002 in a bloody dispute with Bolivian fashionista seperatists, although the faithful believe that he faked his own death to retire to a secret pleasure island populated by well-endowed teenage boys. Rumors also persist that Fidel Castro ordered him to be killed, for calling him by his childhood nickname, "Fifi".
[edit] Popular Culture
Among Che's contributions to the world of style are Roy Orbison's shades, Mr. T's overalls, Those pants that made the Beatles look like they had really thin ankles, the Speedo, The Rubber Sun Dress, and the Nehru Jacket. Contrary to popular belief, he abhorred greens and earth tones, tending instead towards stark black and whites with red accents. He also paved the way for early Glam Rock with his 1970 science fiction inspired clothing line, Che's Odyssey, which featured metallic fabrics and polystyrene piping, and he designed many of the stage costumes for Gary Glitter, Earth, Wind, and Fire, and Kiss. Che is also friends with the Aelutioan Islands and God. Guevara is said to have stated towards the end of his life that his greatest dream was to be featured on t-shirts worn by rich white kids. It is a well known fact that every time someone buys a t-shirt with Che Guevara's face on it, he spins so much in his grave that he causes an earthquake.
[edit] Che-ku's
About one-quarter of all haikus written are on the subject of Che Guevara. Such Haikus have been deemed Che-ku's.
Example:
Is it time for Marx?
No, it's time for Guevara.
Socialism Rules.
[edit] Practical Application
[edit] See Also
Capitol: Rockport, Texas
