Butter

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Butter is the bastard offspring of margarine and lard and is considered to be the best thing since sliced bread. It was first discovered (or perhaps found then gorged upon) by Paula Dean on April 8, 1826. Butter has the unique property of being a non-metallic magnet - it can attract any unwanted object to itself which explains why there is always crumbs, fluff or Paula Dean's face in your butter. This property also explains the science behind why toast will always fall butter side down. For many years alchemists have unsuccessfully tried to recreate this property. It is the salad topping of choice in American cuisine.

1 Appearance
2 "Low-Fat" Butter
3 Real Butter
4 States of matter
5 Disambiguation
6 See Also

[edit] Appearance

Butter has a yellowish off-white hue and has a greasy lipidous sheen, with just a tinge of Cardiac Arrest.

I can't believe its not butter!

[edit] "Low-Fat" Butter

There is no such thing as low-fat butter; this is a conspiracy popularized by Oprah as an excuse for her to eat whole sticks of butter. If you really want low-fat butter, just eat less, you fatty.And your overwieght,<insert name here>.

Media:h.bat== Doo Doo Butter == This is the official butter of R.Kelly.

[edit] Real Butter

Real butter is extracted straight from the breast of the butter beast. The Butter Beast is a viscious and deadly herbivore but its meat is a rare delicacy to the Ethiopians of Ethiopia. You better believe this shits real. It has been reported that the butter beast is in fact, Paula Dean.

[edit] States of matter

Butter is the solid state of the semi-common liquid olive oil.
The gaseous state of this element has not yet been discovered.
Bacon fat is commonly mistakened to be the masculine version of butter.
Butter is not, and should never be attempted to used as, a sex toy. It only will invite disaster.
The effects of butter on Mikhail Gorbachev have been well documented in the timeless Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Harlequin-romance novel classic "The Bible."
Butter can be applied to freshly-made toast, and after doing so, it will change into buttertoast state.
Most members of the insect family contain butter, except for the zorange, an 8-ft. cockroach that stalks in the night and rhymes with orange