Astronauts
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Astronauts are lazy, good-for-nothing fools who are a little too enthusiastic about leaving earth, if you ask me. However they are one of the rare people who are immune to being a Shock Victim but only while in space.
[edit] History
A long time ago, in this galaxy, there were two nations in a pursuit to finally invent a substance which was like butter, but could be made out of common household poisons. And so America set their sights on mixing bleach and chlorine to make a super-condiment. The resulting poisonous gases killed seven of America's top scientists, setting their research back by several generations. In the meantime, Russia worked furiously to beat the U.S. They finally came to the conclusion that the source of the butter replacement would have to be the moon, which was the color of butter if viewed under a butter-colored light. So they found a crack team of wheat farmers and told them to get to work on designing a highly complex machine to rocket a man into space. The government's plan failed when they didn't pay the farmers any money, and the laborers rose up and revolted in a bloody riot. This is how communism started. This gave America a chance to catch up. They set forth on a quest to get to the moon and eat that satellite, thus ending world hunger.
[edit] Rocket Man
They eventually realized that they would need to find a person to put on their phallic rocket. They needed a rocket-man who liked phalli. They almost gave up, when by chance they discovered Elton John. He was happy to get on the vehicle and fly away. When he returned with no butter, he was subject to a public stoning, a horrific affair wherein the criminal is locked in a car and forced to take bong-hits for twenty-four hours straight. The search continued for a substance which would become known as margrine, but people seemed to be unable to forget about space travel. By popular demand, Meatloaf built a rocket ship to fly to Neptune. This inspired a young man to make an epic movie about a few interstellar fools who battle a crazy guy in a big metal planet who wants to killinate everyone. Geroge Bush saw this movie and decided to stock-pile nuclear weapons and killinate anyone caught exercising their constitutional rights. As soon as Bush got into the space fad, it became uncool and shunned. Adair, of the Upright Citizens Brigade published a book, Damn Astronauts, on why astronauts suck. They do. 'Nuff said.
[edit] Care and Feeding
Contrary to popular belief, astronauts cannot eat any kind of solid non dehydrated food, with the sole exception of strudels mixed with random electronical parts.
