Asp

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Asps are friendly, cuddly reptiles who like to reside in suburban homes and play with small children. Often confused for a teddy bear, and Asp is normally pink in color and has the ability to summon kindly purple elephants to do its bidding.

[edit] Discovery

Asps were first found on Pangaea by the famous archaeologist Pliny the Elder. He happened upon them by chance while collecting and analyzing insect feces for traces of concentrated potatos when suddenly he fell into a pit. Decorated like a local Chucky Cheese's, he spent some time drinking a Pepsi and relaxing with the snakes. Seeing the prospect for a "Get Rich Quick" scheme, he exported 10,000 asps to various countries around the world.

[edit] Prices

Due to inflation, the price of the asp has risen dramatically from it's original price of $10.00 to the whopping price of $27.09 an arm and half of a leg. Available at Toys'R'Us and Wal-Mart, however, it has quickly become a favorite of children world-wide. The price deters very few people, as the asp is a very high quality pet and the children cherish it.

[edit] Life Expectancy

The life expectancy of an asp is approximately twenty-two-thousand-three-hundred-and-eighty-two-years, but only Jesus has been alive that long. When we asked him what one was he replied "wtf is an Asp?" Multiple scientific tests have proven that an asp is invincible to everything except pancakes wrapped in condoms and set on fire. Because of the extreme rarity of such products, very few people have actually killed an asp.

[edit] Diet and Care Information

Asps are generally very selective about what food they will eat. Their favorite meal is a rainbow wrapped in puffy clouds and flavored with sunshine, but they will usually settle for something else, such as happiness and energy. Though asps are capable of performing photosynthesis, they are very reluctant to do so, as logic hurts the very fiber of their being.