Asian women

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Asian chicks are known for their traditional values. Just look at the way she grasps that umbrella handle and read the description written above her cleavage.

Asian women are a species of robots from the continent of Asia, renowned for their light weight and durability. Many also feature a vagina, which like their eyes, are slanted. Generally popular because of these characteristics, they also have a tendency to come equipped with a cute/ goofy smile. There is no such thing as an Asian woman with blonde hair and blue eyes, which means no dumbasses. That model was experimented with in the 15th Century, but the black-haired black-eyed Empress got jealous and when black-haired black-eyed Empresses get jealous, people die. The Asian Woman Robot has one goal in life- to please. Sadly this fact has led to the gross genaralzation that all Asian Women are hookers, when in fact only 98% of them are.

Sadly, a large number of Asian Women in their younger years are beginning to smell like math books, pencils and get their orgasms by getting a perfect score on the SATs. Thus far no cure has been found for this dysfunction of their program.

[edit] Asian Women Fun Facts

Japanese women are known for their hospitality.

Asian women are interested in meeting men from around the world, especially handsome sexy person like you, <insert name here>! To gain credit with asian women, you insert coins into their eyes.

They consume less red meat than their Caucasian counterparts and have a lower hip fracture rate than white women since they often ride Llamas.

While most Asian women are little, occasionally you get a tall one

Some white men are afflicted with a terrible infection called yellow fever. Those who suffer from this tragic affliction see Asian women as the supreme creation of God. Oftentimes they also see them as passive objects that they can dominate, or maybe just women who can screw really well AND make an exotic dinner. The sufferers of Yellow Fever are partially correct. Asian women are socialized not to question the commands or decisions of persons in authority and not to express their own wishes or opinions. In fact, in many Asian cultures, reporting abuse will make an Asian woman feel disloyal and ashamed. Hence, instead of speaking out, she will keep her feelings locked up deep inside of her.

Then she will silently kill the perpetrator via kung-fu or food poisoning, hence avoiding the unpleasant experience of feeling disloyal.

Many asian women come equipped with magical powers

Now that you know a little about Asian women, it is time to.....

[edit] Step 1: Determining Whether She is Asian or Not

“I was trying to figure out if that chick was Asian, when it hit me - I'm not even sure she was a CHICK! And then I realized, hey, do I care? I am a famous poofter, after all. ”

~ Oscar Wilde on identifying Asian chicks

If you're having trouble figuring out whether the woman is Asian or not, please consult the following guide:

1. Does she have a vagina? If yes, you're on the right track. Is it slanted down there, look carefully, if yes your odds are improving.

2. Does she have slanted eyes? (If you don't recall, try to remember whether her vagina was slanted) if yes, this is another good indicator that she is Asian. When smiling, the eyes should resemble dime slots. (note: In Asia many girls are getting that round eye surgery, a slanted pussy is your best indicator now days.)

3. Does she say things like "Me love you long time" "Me so horny" or "Fuckie, fuckie, suckie, suckie?" Does she interrupt herself during fellatio to ask, "You love my kissoo kissoo?" If yes then chances are definitely increasing.

4. Does she have a special affinity for Pokemon or Physics? If so, you are 4/5ths of the way there!!!

5. Finally, is she especially bad at driving? This can be hard to tell because all women are pretty bad at driving, but Asian women are especially bad.

We have determined whether she was in fact a woman or not!

We have figured out whether she was in fact an asian woman or not.

Now it is time to answer the next very important question....

[edit] Step 2: Which Model of Asian Woman You Choose From?

Asian women tend to multitask in the nude

Traditional Asian Woman Garb

Ugly Asian Hos, come with a patented "E-Z Twist" waistline to get to those hard-to-reach places.

1. Japanese Chicks: They're very kinky and can masturbate for a long, long time. They are cursed and cannot control themselves. They will have sex with anyone they can, anywhere they can and as often as possible. Beware they like to wear strap-ons! Their vaginas are also pixels. Fat chicks have been outlawed in Japan.

Filipinas come in 4 different flavors!

2. Korean Chicks: Although inhabiting a penninsula very close to Japan, Korean Chicks demonstrate characteristics radically different from their Japanese counterparts. Most South Korean chicks are smart, sexy, and smooth. Except some people comes over from North Korea. These are known for their ability to breathe fire from their mouth and anus. Extremely dominant.

3. Chinese Chicks: They are actually better than Japanese, but are difficult to obtain due to rarity and nationalism (they all still carry a little red book). Chinese women also give very best duck!

4. Vietnamese Chicks: The best of all ladyboys CAUTION! may recommend some lame restaurants like "PHO PHuck LAi". Beware of ability to suck your soul clean from your body. Still, she love you long time.

5. Indian Chicks: They are slightly more hairy on the pussy than other Asian chicks, since they also have biggest round tits in Asia it's your call. Many come with "scratch & sniff" balloon knot!

6. Thai Chicks: Risky; could have a dick. Or two. Or possibly both dick and vajayjay (technical term)

7. Hot XXX Teenage Lesbian Asian Chicks: The most industrious and hard-working of all the Asian chicks. These Internet entrepreneurs are responsible for over 80% of the spam, malware, and [spyware] that appears on the World Wide Web. They are employed by the Norton and McAfee corporations.

8. Filipina Chicks: All Filipinas (especially those that come from Manila) are disturbingly butt-ugly, but they're also the best at anal sex; they'll fuck you till you go blind. All of them are anal virgins and all of them also have a picture or image of the Virgin Mary. The Philippines has one of the largest standing professional female armies in Asia, and their services can be rented for a small fee.

9. Others: Just avoid the ones from Euthanasia; they are truly the deadliest of the species. Beware of venus fly trap for a vagina and teeth in the anus.

[edit] Further Scholarly Research on Asian Chicks Classified by Country

[edit] Korean chicks

Korean women are lovable and will please you if you fulfill their wishes. Many Korean women medical journals report that of all Asian Chickus (latin for "Asian chick") they like Asian men the least, this is because Korean women think of themselves as white. They are the most highly educated in gold-digging ways and are recognizable by a face which resembles that of the Moon or a kicked-flat iron wok. Korean women also don't have bad teeth unlike most Asian women, and have the most soft vagina then all the other asian chicks.

The only draw back (to some pepole) to having sex with a Korean women is the smell of Kim-Chee. It comes off their breath, their sweat & other bodily fluids all smell & taste like Kim-Chee, but, if you like the taste of rotten cabage that's been cured in pig urine then Korean ladies are the ones for you.

In many Asian Countries, such as Korea- the cheerleader to male ratio is 10 to 1

Say "you're very pretty" to a Chinese woman and the Chinese woman will politely thank you and walk away with a smile on her face. Say the same thing to a Korean woman, and you will become one of those insects where the female bites the male's head off. It is a bad idea to insult them unless you are Chuck Norris, who can bang anyone he wants.

North Korean women are excellent cooks while South Korean women are terrible cooks. North Korean chicks immigrate to New York(less than 0.01% can immigrate others under the control of Kim Jung Il) while South Korean chicks immigrate to Los Angeles or UC Berkeley.

[edit] Vietnamese Chicks

In most Asian cultures, women are raised to wear little or no clothes, like this Vietnamese actuary

This Vietnamese woman is doing a typical ritual dance before mating; notice how her moves resemble Britney Spears' moves in "Oops I Did It Again". Even though they are known to be communist (thus, if an American marries one, he will be sacrificed to Ithaqua), there are few lady boys since altering their sexual organs can be considered punishable by death (for once, God bless communism, although communism is unlike capitalism in that it doesn't need your primitive ideas of 'God'. YMMV).

• Vietnamese girls are one of the few asians that do not have eyes that resemble snake slits. If a Vietnamese girl does, she's most likely believed to be Chinese.
• But in the classroom they fall behind Chinese (foreign born or adopted), Japanese (foreign or adopted) but are far ahead Thai chicks (foreign or adopted). If raised in the US, however, they are far smarter than all the others. FOB = SMART
• At least there's one thing you can be sure of if you date a Viet girl-you'll always know her biological parents!

• If you date a Viet girl, make sure to use your psychic powers and ask her if she's a nail technician ( 1/3 Vietnamese work in nail salons)

[edit] Japanese Chicks

Belive it or not this is actually a boy.

Japanese women are of the most uneducated Asian Chicks in the world, who need to make money by prostituting. Japanese women likes fact that British men have the modern attitude. Japanese women like to wear small shoes and be gently made love to with huge cock. They also have small eyes, small height and large credit card debts. But most importantly, Japanese women need to have dangly things on their cell phones. Japanese women are leading the way in forest protection, as the evidence is clear in their nether regions. However, some have they tendency to stroll the streets nude, making guys on the street stop to masturbate. Blowjobs are given for free if you buy them a manga.

[edit] Chinese Chicks

Red Chinese chicks, especially the Mongolian variety, are the best choice if you love a tiger in the bed. Just remember to stay in charge and not get intimidated in the bedroom; sex is a battle, and the Chinese invented 孫子兵法 "sun zi bing fa" The Art of War. Chinese chicks generally keep their snatches squeaky clean, however they don't shave their under-arm hair.

It is rumored that Chinese women have magical Kung-Fu trained vaginas, though few men have lived to tell the tale.

In China you can get a massage, a foot massage, a shampoo, visit a KTV club all with a happy ending. Every hotel in China has a special floor, from that floor you get a phone call and the chick says 您喜欢按摩吗？ "nin xi huan anmo ma?" (Would you like a massage?). She really wants to come up and 打炮 "da pao" (blow your canon). Asian chicks have a serious “white fetish” fixation. Many will get round eye surgery. They like doggy style sex and don’t like to be though of as dogs. Chinese chicks can be quite scandalous. Chinese chicks marry you at the drop of a hat even if they are already married and will pester you about your "single certificate" (dan shen zheng ming 单身证明), in fact these are the first words hopeful parents teach their young Chinese daughters.

In China a date can consist of a half dozen chicken feet and a bottle of beer. Just be ready for an all-nighter. Chinese chicks always say "我爱你 wo I knee, I lob you". In China pussy is being given away like it's free. Mothers will push their young (sometimes under-aged) hot daughters on you. They will do everything they can to get you guys banging each other. Don’t miss out on all the hot young noodle house girls. High school teachers can bang all the hot young pussy they want. Richard M. Nixon taught Chinese chicks the hippie peace sign. Something they all do to this day :) Thanks Tricky Dick! Above all remember when Chinese chicks come to America they change very quickly. Especially if they have a green card.

• Meeting Chinese Chicks - As of 2008, the best place to meet Chinese chicks is China. For instance Beijing near the Forbidden City.

At the Sheraton in Beijing it will be thick with aggressive starved vampire women waiting to pounce on you. Something to be seen once then avoided. The Hard Rock Café and the many other nightclubs up and down North Dongsanhuan Road you can hook up with the local college girls. Nothing here in America can quite prepare you for the onslaught of pussy in China. Chinese chicks have no problem drinking. In a nightclub they will play paper rock scissors with you for shots. At every table there will be dice. Yep you guessed it they shoot dice with you for shots. And they do this hand adding game 猜拳 "chi chuan"(literally means guess the fist) for shots, you will no problems recognizing as it is quite loud and the most popular of all hand games played for shots of booze. The only word of advice is don’t let her get too drunk as she wont make it to your room and you will have to get another one, not like there will be a shortage. Jest get two and consider the second one like a spare tire in case one of them passes out. Better yet don't let them have their way with you, say you are a virgin, have a vow of celibacy and do not drink.

[edit] Surgeon General's Warning on Asian Women

Although asian chicks seems very approachable and decent when you first meet them, this is nothing more than a front to "Sucker you in to the spiral of doom and eternal damnation". It is a scientific fact that asian chicks are born with the ability to make anything with a penis to go through living hell within an approximate distance of 20m.

Asian women use many tricks and wiles to seduce virtuous men into lives of sin or marriage, but never both

Regardless of age or nationality, Asian chicks through genetic disposition has a 5 year plan to turn your happy life into a living hell while benefiting herself by draining your life force. A wise man by the name of Master Wu (A lesser known friend of Sun Tzu) in the 4th Century BC states that "Asian chicks are like Cocaine and Ice. If an Asian chick asks you for Ice it isn’t a new condom, she’s not jonesing to wax your jimmy.Its fun when you start but then it take over your life, give you pain and kill you slowly with great pain". With indisputable proof from the archives of the Vatican and the lost books in the Dead Sea Scrolls, history scholars all around the world began supporting the theory that the Huns and Mongols were driven to invaded the middle east and eastern Europe to get away from scourge of asian chicks.

The best advise given by Master Wu in relation to this scourge is to "SAY NO!" and to run as fast as possible in the opposite direction when approached by an asian chick.

[edit] Quotes from Mao's Little Red Book

(The speech “Spread Legs and The Cultural Revolution: A Chinese Woman’s Duty”) “Men are paper tigers. It is a Chinese Chick’s Socialist duty is to control and dominate her man; her man's balls firmly in her purse. What is a true bastion of Iron? It is the masses, the millions upon millions of hot, horny Chinese Chicks--this is the great People's Liberation Army. Such an army will be invincible! U.S. imperialist feminazis and all their running dogs are week and lazy. Be ruthless to our imperialist feminazi enemies, your Twat-Cum-Fu will overpower and annihilate them. American men are ripe for the picking. Remember ladies; political power grows in the warm, wet and tight Tunnel Of Love. It is more powerful than opium and can be used to control your man. Consider this parable: To behave like "a blindfolded man catching sparrows" or "a blind man groping for fish", such is the extremely "bad style". Look hot, ladies, and hook foreign men with virtue, love and kinky sex. Your sugarcoated bullets will defeat them. The People's Liberation Army of Hot Chinese Chicks has an indomitable spirit and it is determined to vanquish all enemies and never to yield. If a woman fails in this duty it disrupts Party unity and she becomes an enemy of the people. Therefore if she fails she must drown herself seven times and then hang herself, as she is unfit as a Chinese woman.” Chairman Mao Zedong

[edit] Asian-American Chicks

Indonesians have been successful at creating skyscrapers and Asian Chicks.

Let us conclude with looking at a modern phenomena, the migration of Asian womwn to other countries.

Asian women were something of a rarity in the U.S. until actor Wilford Brimley began importing Asian Chicks by the dozens to work at his Liberty Medical factories. Brimley was originally able to contain these Chicks in captivity to satisfy his own deviant pleasures, but but a few managed to escape and begin breeding with the indigenous population.

The modern American-Asian chick has many costs and benefits:

[edit] Timeless Words of Wisdom On Asian Chicks

Asian chicks may cause dizziness.

“There are two kinds of women in this world, hot ones and ugly ones. And Asian chicks. Yes, there are *three* kinds of women in the world.... ”

~ The Spanish Inquisition on Asian Chicks

“My tiny penis can only hold in so much when there's an Asian chick around.”

~ Mike Cho on Asian Chicks

“Who the fuck is Mike Cho?”

~ Asian Chicks on Mike Cho

“I came, I saw, I came. And came, and came...”

~ Julius Caesar on first arriving in Pattaya

"Asian Chick make empire fall quicker than invading army."

~ Sun Tzu (Sun Ce) on Asian Chicks

“Beware of Asian chicks; they will turn your gentle wife into a fierce foe.”

~ Machiavelli on Asian Chicks

“Hey, hey, I'm an Asian chick. That means I'm hot too, right? Right?”

~ Margaret Cho on herself

“Margaret Cho is proof that to every rule, there is always an exception.”

~ Mark Twain on Margaret Cho

“I love them long time.”

~ Your dad on Asian Chicks

“Asian chicks taste like Asian chicken.”

~ Martin Yan on Eating Asian Chicks

“Dangerous species, them Asian chicks... never know which is the ninja gal and which is the kunfu gal.”

~ Dr. John on NInja girls

“In Sovjet Russia, Asian chicks like YOU!!”

~ Russian reversal on Asian Chicks

“They need more cowbell.”

~ Christopher Walken on Asian Chicks

[edit] See Also

• Asian People - Asian chicks here too!
• Yellow fever - Ooh, and you might want to check this one while you're at it!
• Korea
• Japan
• China
• Black People
• White People
• Hot Chick
• Mie Hama