AAA
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This person is the one and ONLY Creator of Uncyclopedia and everything else.
“I beat this article, it was WAAAAYYYY too easy.”
~ AAA on this article
- AAA AAAAA AA AAAAAAA AAA AAAAAAAAA!, AAA AAA AAAA AAAA AA!
AAA is, was, and always will be, without question, the greatest video game player on Earth. Known only by the three initials he uses on arcade high score lists, he has left his ubiquitous mark in the RAM chips of countless motherboards. He both owns and has played every single video game in the universe, including the superintelligent ones developed by the Pentagon that suck you into a Tron-like cyberspace where you fight to the death against the CPU itself. He has killed approximately 12 video game CPUs in this fashion.
Among other accolades awarded to him, he has a cylindrical battery cell size named after him as well as an automobile organization.
Appearance of AAA
It is not known exactly what AAA looks like, as he is understandably reclusive. Conflicting eyewitness reports of a skinny twenty-something Korean with stubble, a pasty-faced former Atari beta-tester, and even a six-foot-tall bearded Eastern European have all at some point been attributed to AAA. It is clear that unless he ever chooses to publicly reveal himself, we can only continue to speculate. Personally, I think he is a tall, Asian, stunningly handsome, single, twenty-something, well built hunk. Sigh. Unfortunately the odds are that AAA is a small Japanese boy with a ridiculous amount of talent at DDR. Most of the time, he wears a hood to hide his face. Scary.
Myths about AAA
It is a common myth that AAA is actually a very bad player, citing several sub-par high scores signed 'AAA'. What the people making these claims don't understand, however, is that these scores are actually so high that AAA overflowed the score counter. Thus, it is possible that the top score in your local arcade machine is actually several billion points more than that displayed.
Another popular theory is that AAA is actually such a bad player, that matter and time formed a cylindrical paradox, reversing human perception, so that the average joe believes that AAA is actually a god-like video gamer.
Yet another group of people think that this is simply part of AAA's sly tactics and an instance of him trying to lull you into a false sense of security. One final group suggest that for a challenge AAA simply tasks himself to score predetermined random numbers.
There's recent speculation that he may actually be a machine - not like Arnold Schwarzenegger but rather like a computer or an 8 digit calculator.
Another myth claims that AAA is so bad, that he uses cheat devices to beat games he buys.
Speculations about AAA
Since AAA's first high score in 1958, experts have pondered what, if anything, AAA does between playing video games. For the longest time, it was thought that AAA was somehow the source of all video game hints, but nobody could compile any solid evidence to prove this. When Prima invented Strategy Guides in the mid 1990s and sold them before the games for them even came out, experts began to assume that she, in fact, was AAA.
Further studies via hidden cameras disproved this notion when Prima, though incredibly skilled, failed to produce the high scores attributed to AAA. Though Prima does not say anything on the subject, experts generally accept the idea that Prima somehow obtains hints from AAA, which she then tests and writes down into her strategy guides. How Prima obtains this information is yet to be determined, but interviews with the former Queen of the Martians suggest that she does have some sort of relationship with the mysterious AAA.
About AAA insurance
AAA's influence has appeared in several elementary schools in several anti-drunk driving programs. However, AAA was true to his mysterious identity and took the form of a DrumMania 4th Mix machine and played catchy disco-infused-with-voodoo/tribal songs written by Vin Diesel for the children to remember. One boy attempted to play the game machine but since there were too many 128th notes in a level-1 song, the boy's head exploded. Investigators would later find out that the game did not cause his death, but his infalliable faith for several religions, which is impossible. The widespread of the boy's death and these excruciatingly catchy songs made AAA popular with the MADD. Fortunately, 117% of the members were experiencing menopause. This caused the MADD to take action, out of spontaneity, and create the American Automobile Association, or Triple A, named after AAA.
The company ended up losing millions of dollars in profit in its first quarter because soon after it began business, a majority of the people who signed were people who had too much time on their hands. These people became curious about what AAA meant (through days of staring contests in the mirror) and ended up listening to the extremely catchy disco-infused-with-voodoo/tribal songs, resulting in spontaneous combustion just from being near, looking at, or even thinking about anything besides the lyrics to the song, the beat to the song, the tune to the song, and sports drinks (especially water, or, in fact, any liquid/gel substance).
Unfortunately, the buzz and popularity of the Vin Diesel songs ironically caused more people to listen to them. People today still suffer from Vin Diesel songs. Vin Diesel's disco-infused-with-voodoo/tribal music is now the 7th leading cause of death, placing in front of being stung by several stingrays.
Stories from the life
HaloPwner666
I was playing Halo 2 on Containment, right? We were playing Capture the flag, we just started. me and six other guys were watching the flag when two seconds later, the flag vanished. it said: Spartan 114 took the flag! No one was that fast, there were no possible Multiplayer cheats for Halo 2 so far. My guess? It was AAA.
Jenny
My mom is a kind of person who never plays videogames, but once she gave Contra III, or "Super Probotector" as it is known in Europe, a go just to be friendly with us kids. She tapped the buttons so randomly and so ferociously that suddenly she skipped to the second level. I swear on my father's bones it's true, even though no level skipping cheat has ever been found for this game. My guess is AAA whispered the secret to her in her dreams.
Craig
Once upon a time I was the king of Street Fighter. I'd travel the land and wherever I found an arcade, I'd play and I'd beat everyone who stepped up with impunity. My skill was so great I used to humiliate my opponents by beating them in every possible match-up the game had to offer. I'd pay for their games and their food and their drink to make them stay and take more punishment. I turned the game into an art, where my every move was the most graceful, I stopped the opponent at his every turn, and I never repeated a combo twice in the same day.
But then I met this guy. . . it's so weird, it wasn't like I paid attention to what he looked like but when I try to remember I can only see a blank space. He didn't make eye contact, he didn't say anything, he just picked Balrog. In World Warrior. Without putting in a quarter. I didn't really have time to take in that and to tell the truth I was so far into the game I didn't notice it was weird. But then he beat me so damn hard he got on top of the high score list in just one round. The second round was over in like, four seconds and I sort of fell over. I got to my feet right away but the guy had vanished, just vanished without a trace. But not before putting in his name on the high score, you guessed it, AAA.
Harry
There was this one time I was playing Road Burners at the arcade, and this guy jumps onto the bike next to me, drops a quarter in, and waits until I picked the track. As soon as it says Go, he just zooms straight past me. I barely even caught a glimpse of him. Then a few seconds later, he races towards me. Backwards. I just manage to get out of the way, and complete the race at what was my best time ever. I went to put my initials in, but it wouldn't let me. I'd lost! Written in the place that should've been mine was "AAA - "0.00.93".
ZZZZZ
I took my old N64 and Diddy Kong Racing game I had out of the closet and turned it on, and it said that the Game Pak is corrupted and may be irreparably damaged. I continued and I went to the time trial mode, and each track had a lap record of 00:00:00, followed by the 3 letter ID, AAA.... I turned it off and powered it back up, and it was gone, and all of my data was back, but I will never forget this, the time when AAA conquered my DKR game.
John
I was trying to frame AAA by having a bad score at pinball and typing AAA for the initials. But when it showed the high score table my score changed from 100 to 9,999,999,999. Then a man came up to me and said "Your not AAA!" and kicked me. I will never forget what happened and will continue on my search for AAA.
Tim
One time, I was playing mortal kombat in this arcade and this asshole kept doing this cheat that he learned on the internet from Oscar Wilde so i couldn't play against him without dying instantly, but I thought that it was just his skill so i kept challenging him over and over hoping to eventually win! After about 3 hours and $75 Later, I heard the door creeeeeek open and this hooded black figure walked through the arcade towards us and every machine he passed was setting the score list to AAA (Some machines couldn't handle his power and proceeded to burst into flames). I was scared shitless and tried to run but I was frozen to the floor. He came up to the machine we were at and threw me to the side... After that I saw the kid who had harassed me look up into the hood like it were the face of god himself then turn to the screen and choose his character Sub-Zero (I couldn't see if AAA chose a character because he was too fast). All of the sudden I saw the kid to drop knees and beg for mercy as his character kept being brutally raped by AAA..I'll never forget that day...
Chen Shi Jia
There was once when I played this really high graphics quality game Sexy Bitch III on my room computer. No matter how I tried I could not beat my record of doing 3 different sex moves in 20 seconds. Though I tried practising for 3 years, I never managed to beat my score. Then when I was playing one night, a guy that looked like grim reaper came through my window and told me the true "Way of the Game". He did like wtf? 10 sex moves in 3 seconds! My computer could not take it and got the BSoD. When I finally got my computer turned on again, the only letters I saw were AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I reckon it was AAA that came that night to help me.
Ryan Dempster
I was playing Salamander for the Arcade, and I was playing, minding my own business. I got a 602,000 high score, and then all of a sudden, I swear, the game was possessed the next minute. An unknown creature beat the entire game in like twelve minutes! He got a 999,999 score, beating mine by a long shot. He sure beat the game easily! I could have sworn that was none other than the mystical AAA. I cannot beat the game that quickly. AAA is a true living legend!
Accomplishments
- AAA has achieved the world's highest scores on hundreds of video games.
- He scared Scissorman away, then chased him down and killed him in Clock Tower and Clock Tower: The First Fear.
- He managed to clear 5 rows in Tetris with only one piece.
- Then the top of the screen surrendered to him.[citation needed]
- He is so good at Zero Wing that he unlocked 'Proper grammar mode'.
- He has beaten every version of Gradius released to date. Without dying once. Or touching any powerups. Or using any cheats. On Hard Mode.
- He has beaten every version of Doom on Nightmare difficulty without ever cheating or dying. Without using any weapons. Or powerups. Not even the pistol. Or the chainsaw. Or Beserker. The only things he ever picked up, in fact, were the head of an Imp and the key cards.
- He beat the original Metroid in under 12 seconds, unlocking the ending where Samus becomes so nude that she turns into a skeleton.
Evidence shot of AAA's accomplishment on Metroid
- He raised cats on Nintendogs.
- In Darius, the game says "WARNING! A HUGE BATTLESHIP AAA IS APPROACHING FAST.".
- He once unlocked Kobe Bryant on Shaq-Fu.
- He beat Tiger Woods PGA Tour using a putter and a sand wedge.
- He defeated not one, not two, but fifty-nine South Koreans at Starcraft.
- And those Koreans were on the same team.
- And he only used one single Zergling.
- And those Koreans were on the same team.
- He prevented Sarah Kerrigan from being infested by the Zerg.
- By only keeping her selected at the end of the mission.
- Without a mouse.
- Or the game.
- Without a mouse.
- By only keeping her selected at the end of the mission.
- In Warning Forever, he managed to reach a boss so ferocious that it broke out of his computer screen (dubbed the "Tera Smashed Tera Poded Infinity Omega with Extra Onions") and had to subdue it in hand-to-hand combat.
- Achieved AAA in every song in DDR Max 7, so they named the rank after him.
- In Lemmings, he ended each level with more lemmings than he started with.
- He beat a level 100 Mewtwo with a level 5 Magikarp. Using Struggle.
- He can race the Running Man in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and win.
- He killed Krauser in Resident Evil 4 using only flash grenades.
- On Wii Sports, he can get a hole in one. Which is not so hard, until you realise he was playing Wii Tennis at the time.
- He beat NetHack as an illiterate atheist vegan Wizard without landing a single blow. When a trap on level 10 polymorphed him into a floating eye, he completed the rest of the game that way, blindfolded. Pestilence caught a cold from him. Famine bought him lunch. (AAA didn't eat it.) His final score wrapped MAXINT twice and still pushed ten other players off the screen.
- He finished Phoenix Wright with a paperclip as his only evidence.
- He beat the first Death Note game similarly; his only evidence were spoilers, fanfictions, and the afformentioned paperclip.
- AAA can beat the arcade version of Gradius III without dying once. Trying to complete this game is a big enough feat already, even for AAA. But he claimed the game is way too easy.
- In Chrono Trigger, AAA killed Lavos before it even fell on Earth.
- He actually found out what was wrong with this picture.
- In Final Fantasy VII, AAA beat Ultimate Weapon, Ruby Weapon, Emerald Weapon, Diamond Weapon, Sapphire Weapon, Granite Weapon, Iron Weapon, Wood Weapon, Glass Weapon, Plastic Weapon and Unobtainium Weapon as Yuffie with no magic and no materia. He also saved Aris. In Final Fantasy VIII, he unlocked the special 'threesome with Rinoa and Selphie' mode. In Final Fantasy IX, he managed to defeat Beatrix. In Final Fantasy X, Sin confessed rather than face him. In Final Fantasy XI, he beat Kirin on his own. At level 1. By staring at him. In Final Fantasy XII, he does the judging. And he's already beaten Final Fantasy XIII, and it won't be out for another 3 years.
- He beat level 256 in Pac Man. He did this feat in Ms. Pac Man as well.
- He has the 13th trophy in Kingdom of Loathing, and the Scroll of Omnipotence in ADOM.
- He played the Zelda CD-I games *without* snickering at the cutscenes.
- Interestingly, he beat Twilight Princess Ganon only using the giant book from Faces of Evil.
- Beat Windows on every difficulty level, including Vista. He also beat Bill Gates in Windows.
- He beat the Blue Screen of Death on Windows.
- He got the "Get back to the Real World" ending on Myst and all its sequels, all at the same time.
- He gets the ball in the cup every time.
- He unlocked Mario Karts on Burnout: Paradise.
- He finished Super Mario 64 in 10 seconds by jumping into the stained glass window outside the castle, killing Bowser, and then rescuing Peach. He then went on to play the game properly from the start and attained 121 stars. He then went on to play Super Mario 64 DS and found 151 stars, all without touching the DS once; he used his mind...
- He actually got cake
- He also unlocked Luigi in the unedited game pak!
- Then, he unlocked Waluigi in the DS remake in the real game card too!
- He also unlocked Luigi in the unedited game pak!
- He actually got cake
- He beat Super Mario Bros. 3 without even touching his controller. He just walked into the room, and the game beat itself out of pure and utter fear. On top of that, the system wasn't turned on, the controllers weren't plugged in, and the cartridge was sitting on a nearby shelf.
- He broke the 3,000km/h max limit on every track using every racer on F-Zero X. He was also actually able to beat F-Zero GX.
- He beat Kingdom Hearts 2 while playing as Roxas and defeating all of Organization XIII in a flashback cutscene.
- The second time playing Kingdom Hearts through, he made sure to beat the shit out of Riku in a cutscene, so he wouldn't be any trouble later on.
- He beat every Touhou Game without dying, bombing, focusing, moving, or shooting.
- He beat Viewtiful Joe without picking up any of the Star Powers (or whatever they're called).
- He beat Japan's Super Mario Brothers 2 without warping (Including bonus worlds 9, A, B, C, and D), without getting any items, without dying even once. With his Famicom and its controllers unplugged, during a power outage. (This is one of his biggest accomplishments yet. He claimed that the game was waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyy too easy. But hey, he's AAA, everything is easy for him.)
- He broke Ganondorf's 9999.9 feet record in the home run contest.
- He beat Super Smash Bros. Brawl before it came out.
- He unlocked Sonic the Hedgehog in the original Super Smash Bros Game. The demo version.
- He killed Sandbag in Super Smash Brothers.
- He beat MySpace using a friend's Facebook account.
- He can Ubercharge himself in Team Fortress 2. While playing as Heavy.
- He bought and beat DragonBall Z: Budokai Tenkaichi 6, when we still haven't reached the #3.
- In Tekken 5, he beat Jinpachi Mishima using a DDR dance pad.
- He beat all Halo games either using only a Headset or a microphone. Or screaming at the computer.
- He beat Pong when it first came out and achieved a score of 9 million.
- He unlocked the Venus and Serena Williams as playable characters on Pong.
- AAA once beat a pinball machine by only rocking it back and forth for 15 hours.
- AAA obtained full stats in River City Ransom using only $1.00.
- AAA once beat Saturous and Menardi at the start of Golden Sun. Without cheats. Without looking at the screen. Without using attack. Before the storm even starts.
- AAA once beat Endless Melee in Super Smash Bros Melee.
- AAA has been known to beat many an H-game so quickly that no character had a chance to lose their virginity.
- AAA once beat Fire Emblem Rekka no Ken in Mark's story. And then Sain's story. Closely followed by Kent's story. And then 3 times on Florina's story. Then 12 times on Athos's story. And then Nergal's story.
- He deliberately detonated a mine in minesweeper just to show that he could survive and still complete the board.
- In Sonic Adventure 2, he raised a chao into Chaos himself by just breastfeeding it.
- In DotA, AAA killed roshan at level 1 without using -whosyourdaddy!
- AAA had Graham's number of party hats in runescape!
- In Command and Conquer 3, AAA destroyed 7 Brutals using Multiple ION Cannons at a game time of 0:00:59!
- He beat anorexia.
- He snuck the Weighted Companion Cube past the incinerator in Portal. And it didn't get dissolved by the lasers.
- His character survived and got the cake.
- He downloaded the Blue Screen of Death onto GLaDOS's hard drive.
- He achieved the ranking of 'Yngwie Malmsteen' on every song on Guitar Hero 3
- He beat every Guitar Hero song on expert using a DDR pad
- He beat every DDR song on expert using a Guitar Hero guitar
- He hits the whammy bar on every single note in Guitar Hero. Even the quarter notes.
- He plays every instrument on RockBand simultaneously using only emanations from his olfactory glands
- He beat Through the Fire and Flames on Expert using just his left foot.
- He saved Taris in KotoR
- He simultaneously saved both Jean Grey and Nightcrawler in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance from the Infinity Vortex.
- He beat Dead Rising using solely diplomatic relations
- He managed to beat Raiden Fighters by crashing his jet into enemy targets, never once using a single weapon
- He completed a round of Solitaire in 0:00:23 seconds without turning on his computer. The cards arranged themselves in stacks before he even walked into the room.
- At the beginning of God Of War 2, he used Kratos to kill Zeus after Kratos transferred all of his godly power into the Blade Of Olympus and was stabbed with the Blade as a normal human. On Titan Mode. Without being hit by Zeus at all.
- He once lost in Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing
- He can also cross bridges in Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing
- And break the light barrier
- Going forwards
- All your base are belong to him
- He cleared the difficult Step Mania Simfile "Dear Arch" on Heavy with a rank of AAAAAAAAA
- In Monkey Island he married LeChuck because Elaine wasn't good enough for him. He also beat the sword master using only the "I am rubber, you are glue:"-insult. He also sold Stan's hat to Stan himself, for a boat and a life insurance.
- Women enjoy playing video games with him.
- Every video game he has ever played has been completed to such an extent that the sequel actually started, even if there wasn't one.
- He attained 999 ascensions within 15 minutes in KOL.
- Then he went on and bankrupted Cir Senam at MMG.
- Then he actually banned Jick from the game, but then later restored him out of some 'misplaced moral centre'.
- Then he went on and bankrupted Cir Senam at MMG.
- He always knows where in the world Carmen Sandiego is.
See also
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