1990

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BOB SAGOT FAILS AGAIN!!

Contents

[edit] 1990

  • After being in the dark for almost three thousand and some other number of days, 1990 produced three celebrities.
  • In 1990, probably the last decade of innocence, no one was as of yet aware of such a concept as "legal credit card theft". No one had even the slightest inkling at this point in time that any human government would consider for one NY minute that credit card companies could allow people to go over their limit then slam them with a loansharkesque "over-limit fee".
  • But fuck 1990... This work of the axes of evil stunned the whole world, and still does to this day. Three Corporations is Nothing but fire burning fire and it's really most devastating.
  • Also, it is the birth date of the worlds most known champion of the world. The lord of the sponges. He is known to be very absorbent, and he can conquer any levels of babies as long as the dogs will stop trying to steal his animals. If you try to defeat him, you will be beaten without a chance. So next time you see the lord of the sponges run for your fucking life because you will be eventually defeated. RUN FROM THE 1990 CHAMPION OF DOOM BECAUSE YOUR LIFE WILL EVENTUALLY END WHEN YOU CANT BREATHE ANYMORE SUFFOCATING UNDER THE WATER OF THE SPONGE CHAMPION
  • The song, "Diaper Poop Pee Stinky" is recorded at the Nickelodeon Studios, but later made popular to Spongebob Squarepants and the Skill Crane.
  • I am older than the lord of the sponges, and have used today's greatest technology to defeat him.

Also in 1990 someone died. No I'm being deadly serious. You don't believe me, do you? I'll make you believe me with this here conclusive evidence..... 

    kickbuttzors has joined #sk8bord4lif
    spongy: hay
    kickbuttzors: hey sup
    spongy: nm u
    kickbuttzors: *kicks you in the fucking spongey neck which causes you to spurt whatever keeps you alive everywhere in random  
    directions, the scent of which causes my hounds to assemble around you in a halo of imminent doom*
    spongy: wtf
    kickbuttzors: *with a simple flick of a couple fingers, I cause wolf after wolf to attack your cellulose body, mangling it 
    in irreparable ways, your cushioned limbs flying out of the now-forming comic dust cloud*
    spongy: dude wtf
    kickbuttzors: DCC SEND "startkeylogger"
    spongy has left #sk8bord4lif (Connection reset by peer.)
    kickbuttzors: Pwned.

[edit] Important Conceptions

  • 1990 is also the year that Republicunt was conceived.
  • After introduction in the later eighties, wearing a double-breasted suit became more acceptable.
  • The Air Bag, although in use since 1890, is developed for automobiles by SRS Corporation.
  • Late in the year, scientists discover a cure for penicillin.
  • february - Chris Gordon
  • Halliburton develops the world's first antimatter reactor under the In Living Color Project.

[edit] Births

  • In 1990 the Dutch soap Goede Tijden, Slechte Tijden (Good Times, Bad Times) was born. Acutally, it was revived in the Netherlands because it was born in Australia in 1977.
  • Aly, queen of worlds - 4 January
  • January 19: Hassan is born... yey!
  • January 24: MagicLeprechaun's Birth was marked with solar flares, riots, plagues, tsunamis and by Tim Robbins' attempted rape of Michael Jackson.
  • February 3: A blot of lightning transformed a blade of grass into a man known as DoD
  • February 13: The Pat years begin.
  • February 27: The awesome and almighty overlord Phil Rizzuto was born
  • March 1: Spark Man was born - no explanation needed.
  • March 14: Michael Dukakis was given new life - as a zombie.
  • March 27: I was born..the best day EVER for I and the WORST for you.
  • April 3: Juan Tello was killed and reborn as a shark. Rawr.
  • April 5: The Reincarnation of the Easter Bunny is attempted, but the police break apart all druid gatherings on the Prime Meridian. When the FBI breaks down a secret meeting, thousands of eggs are massacred.
  • April 9: Someone, I don't know who.
  • April 10th: Save changes to Dcoument1.doc?
  • April 23: Emo Hitler was born again, shortly after cutting himself to death. No one knows why.
  • May 4th: Mr. Saxon, future president of the Galaxy and discover of where socks go in the washing machine will rise among the ashes of fried chicken and rotten egg.
  • May 12th: Lachlan King, future president of the world and the discoverer of Atlantis, is spawned from an over-cooked cheese omelette.

Also on May 12: Alan Colmes was re-born

  • May 13th: Steve Martin is born for the third time in his 4 year lifespan.
  • May 21 - Magnet Man was created by Milwaukee scientist Dr. Wily.
  • May 22 - Nobody, unfortunately.
  • May 26 - Chelsii West, the most pimptastic of pimps, was born, and for some stupid reason she decided to put it here.
  • June 22 - The birth of I have greater needs than you, so you should just crawl into a hole and die, bitches.
  • July 9th: Tom Beckett was born
  • July 27th: William...JAMES BOND was born! The world will never be enough for him; but Bond Girls like Carly Evans (Born 8/30/90) should sufice!
  • August 6th: Hannah Dexter enters the world as the ultimate n00b; a baby.
  • August 11th: Marina Paula Sofie Reimer was born in Ilulissat, Greenland. Check out her stunning gallery in her profile at the www.vampirefreaks.com/cutterfly36 YOU WILL BE SHOCKED BY HER BEAUTY!!
  • August 14th: The demigod Edward Hansen was born
  • August 15th: PSN wlt is born aka pwner on rfom
  • August 16th: Anti-Christ was reborn.
  • August 23rd: Ra-chelle Hardin, not Hard-On, was born on this day to her loving family. She has deemed herself a bu-buckin' spidermonkey, thus serving as the reason why she decided to put this here.
  • August 26th: Phyllis Diller gives birth to Zcxxaeopvaandnwwidnc£emcs Diller, the only human ever named with a pound sign. Zcxxaeopvaandnwwidnc£emcs was then shot with a double-barrel shotgun by a completely oblivious Tom Green. As punishment, Green was exposed to large quantities of Uranium-235 which led to his testicle cancer and the reason why many people are now not eating chicken.
  • August 30th: Carly Evans was born. She looks like a lion and is the most fabulous person on earth. She later turned out to be a hero.
  • Late October - Lou Dobbs, again.
  • October 31st - Jesus-Ghost was born. And subsequently ass-rapes Anti-Christ for " Fuckin' with ma fuckin shit."
  • November 3: Pat Borders was born at the age of 25.
  • November 6: Matt Scarborough was born... Who the fuck is he????????????
  • November 16: Jesus, otherwise known as Mark, lives.

21st December - Sam Irving, the greatest person in the world!

Media:Example.ogg

  • November 21: Communism was born

[edit] Deaths

  • The 80's
  • Glam Rock (see Ratt)
  • Big Motherfucking Hair
  • 2 June: Shaggy from Scooby Doo. (executed)
  • Boindetanaroxifana Bodeshamataliopeesha Jackson
  • The entire city of Mianus
  • Adolf Hitler

[edit] 1991

  • The last time that Metallica released a decent album. Actually, that was the only lie you'll find on this entire site. Metallica have never released a decent album.
  • I was born, (no wai!!! me too!) Hey same here. And me as well. Fascinating. I wasn't. Dude i was 2 wats your birthdays. I was born before you lot, 1990! 1990, you're not wanted, 1991 rule! FUCK YEAH 1991
  • January 1 George Bush (Sr.) overthrows the US government and establishes himself as the Emperor of America. Meanwhile Bill Clinton moves to Paris, France.
  • January 6 The hottest, kindest, cutest, probably dumb, funniest, craziest girl in the universe was born. I would later kill this girl, but only if she rejects me when I ask her out.
  • Wolfgang Fritz Rainer was strangled to death by enemy Neil Armstrong.
  • Neil Armstrong landed on the moon on the Apollo 12 mission
  • Watergate was cancelled.
  • Taddington death tube kills 7
  • World War 2 was briefly restarted from April 12 - 18th.
  • George W. Bush was born.
  • No, seriously.
  • Sakai won all Iron Chef battles.
  • Rasputin’s Penis is granted a full pardon by Mikhail Gorbachev.
  • Kangaroos were invented.
  • Kurt Kobain dies after choking on a smartie.
  • Tupac Shakur rises from the ashes in New York City, Alabama.
  • The comic book Watchmen is published.
  • Jamaican psychic Miss Cleo's head inexplicably explodes. It is later suspected the result of Exploding Head Syndrome.
  • June 5: Filipinos rejoiced when the Rapture arrived, then sued God when he said they weren't Baptist enough to deserve it.
  • June 17: G-Nutz and The Resistance that was found in the mid '80s by Jimmy Carter aka Mr. Peanuts aka DJ Peanuts-Salty to rebel against the federal government, finally fell due to personal disputes and an invasion by The Rokin' Alliance led by former G-Nutz gansta LL Cool Tomatoe.
  • Death Row is founded by Suge Knight, Dr. Dre and Willy Wonka.
  • The Fourth of July was cancelled. George Bush would later say that this was an act of terrorism by Hitler.
  • Captain Marvel dies and is succeeded by Superman.
  • July 7th- First king of Earth born, takes the throne 28 years later
  • July 8th - David Paul Vincent, some crazy kid, born to some crazy lady born in the 50's
  • September 9 Some random person was born possibly with david as his name. but maybe not...
  • September 25 I was born.
  • September 28 Jesus briefly came back, however, nobody looked busy (and there were far too many novelty t-shirts) and so he left again. Typical.
  • October 4 - Z was born into the family of B. They disowned him and moved him to the end of the alphabet.
  • The church destroys all known documentation about stingrays, with the exception of the transcription of an oral presentation by an elementary school student.
  • October 10 the world asploded yet again because of termites.....dam them
  • October 16 Some chick named Sam is born. She achieves nothing with the exception of winning 3 medals at a German competition. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
  • October 25 Our lord and saviour, Stephen, was born. All evil disappeared.
  • October 26 Our lord and saviour, Stephen, was killed in the Oscar Mayer Massacre of 1992. All evil returned and Xenomorphs ate everyone.
  • Telescum New Zealand concludes in an internet survey that 95% of New Zealand citizens like to be screwed around. It has since been confirmed that Telescum mislaid the survey results and replaced it with an internet survey of people who spoke l337, asking them if they thought they were h4x00rs and they pwned. LOL
  • The act of kitten huffing was outlawed in Latvia and Sweden.
  • Penguins lost the ability to fly
  • Paul Clarke finishes his metamorphosis into a toad, and to celebrate, eats several pounds of Tony Blair's back fat. His wife dies, but is reborn several months later, in the body of a sheep.
  • Attack of the Killer Potatoes airs on the BBC, while Killer Tomatoes Eat France! debuts on American television
  • before i put this in the wrong birth year so im writting it again..... cuz i was born in october.... ya u kno it.... we r having a bit of trouble with the phone.... you kno what also happened.... we finally started 2 see how annoing technology is.... well if we dont kno how 2 use it.... or if it doent like us.
  • Dr. Seuss was cryogenically frozen by Shania Twain and her band Franz Ferdinand only to be thawed out, raped, murdered, and consumed in his entirety by the Keebler Elf.
  • God's clumsy butler drops the Soviet Union, causing it to shatter into about 15 or so pieces. Ethnic strife gets all over floor.
  • Wesley Willis hit old people with folding chairs.
  • Noel Edmonds releases his comeback album "Led Zeppelin VII"
  • I shit myself.

Media:http://www.marxists.org/history/ussr/sounds/mp3/soviet-anthem_en.mp3=1992= The Year of the Pancake.

1992 never actually happened as it was kidnapped by 1991 who wanted to be the longest year ever ever ever. Luckily, 1993 destroyed the evil 1991 and since by this time it was January 1, 1993, 1993 decided to give it's first six months to 1992 and 1993 had the final six months.

The world would be a sad, horrible, empty place with no kick-ass 15-year-olds born in this particular year. Duh.

  • The world would actually have been saved from the imminent coming of the Apocalypse. Thanks a lot, 1992 babies... We're screwed because of you
  • Lies Damned Lies and slander!
  • Wayne's World comes out and forever makes the annoyingly annoying catchphrases "schwing!" and "excellent!" burned into our brains.
  • The Technology Era begins, marking mans Peak at prosperity, and then shortly after its Extinction by Cybernetic Gumblites.
  • Creedance Clearwater Revival ascends to heaven during a reunion tour.
  • 1987 writes its award winning biography, "A Year In The Life of a Year".
  • Hitler is still dead, despite any legislations that he is living with Elvis on a boat in the middle of Colchester, England.

[edit] 1992

  • January 1 - Spain introduces a new calendar, turning everything back to 1986. This means that everything in Spain dated after 1986 must be destroyed.
  • March 2 - The famous American author I. B. Blight writes the best-seller cyber-crime thriller Charlotte's Web.
  • April 27 - Kirby returns to Popstar to seek revenge on his father.
  • May 2 - Disneyland declares war on Bulgaria.
  • June 10 - The Cherokee race becomes extinct due to the over population of Grue
  • August - Sweden introduces a mandatory Kindergarten system for all teenagers (aged 13-19).
  • September 6 - All schools in Denmark are closed by the Government of Denmark for 75 000 years.
  • September 84th - The wPod was created by Microsoft, but after a quick anal assault Steve "the douchbag" Jobs took the idea for a portable music device and began to create the very crappy iPod which he released from the depths of hell in the year 2000.0889. Microsoft was then forced to create a so-called "inferior product" The Zune
  • December 3rd - "Lisa's First Word" airs, becomes the first of two 100%-smelly The Simpsons episodes.
  • december 7 - "I" the great and mighty Colombian was born. "I" became the president of the world and killed Chavez because he is a dick. Later "I" attacked against the allmighty penguin race to start another penguin vs. Human war we thanks to Master Cheif and "I" we won and the penguin race became extinct
  • December 22nd - Santa gets mad at little children and decides to nuke them. A chain reaction creates the genetically modified fish in the oceans (bred with dynamite and goldfish), causes the world to explode and for the apocalypse to begin. Everyone burns and the world ends, but lucky this isnt a real date huh? cheese!!
  • yes it is... December 31 we changed the calendar!!!!
  • The .5 got tired, so died, cementing his body after the 1992, forever, and ever, and ever...
  • December 25 - Santa Claus refuses to deliver the gifts to the children.
  • December 26 - Children launch the 12th Crusade against Santa's workshop.

George Foreman's lean mean cooking machine was invented by Frank Bruno

  • everyone who is currently 15-16 was born!, new competition for the current 16-17 year olds!

[edit] 1993

[edit] January

[edit] February

[edit] April

  • April 2 - I was born XD.
  • April 5 - I was born.
  • April 6 - Mongoose (mongeese?) invaded the United States of America, to take over the states of Ohello, Cheeselen,New Kansas , and Utah , only to be welcomed by the Merman Clan (now also called Mormon, as the result of incorrect punctuation). The resulting horror drove the Mongi to drown themselves in Utah's Little Salty Mudpit.
  • April 7 - I was born. Seriously
  • April 7 - Stephen Hawking velocitates the matrix of the universe and everything turns into spaghetti hoops
  • April 18 - I was SO born !
  • June 19 Dissent ceases to exist as a concept in most latin-based languages. Hereafter, Everything becomes much nicer.

[edit] May

  • May 4 - I was born... again
  • Record floods on the Mrs. Ippy river destroy millions of acres, hectares, furlongs, rods, and cubits of Midwestern farmland. Hundreds of houses are swept away, the flood does $4 million worth of improvements in the commonwealth of Kentuckistan and the state Arkansas
  • I am turning Japanese panic
  • "Pube soup" deemed healthy nutritious food for primary school consumption
  • British Ministry of Silly Walks closed.
  • Your mom had a sex change and decided to continue her future at the local gay bar.

[edit] June

  • June was originally called Dyke but was renamed June after term "dyke" was used more often for the meaning of lesbian, some overprotective mother campaigned to change to month of Dyke to be called June, after her pet lizard.

[edit] July

[edit] August

  • August 12 - The first HDTV prototypes are completed, leaving people wondering what the fuck they're going to do with all those extra pixels.
  • August 29 - Michael Jackson's 35th birthday and little did he know his surprise gift that year was from the government who decided to reward him by searching him by various methods to get a boy and his family off his back.

[edit] September

[edit] October

[edit] November

[edit] 1993.00000000012

  • Intel redefines time by introducing nacho cheese flavored Pentium chips with tainted Chinese seasonings. Numerous people claim to notice, but in reality no one but nuclear reactor safety engineers give a damn, and what do they know anyway.

[edit] 199Shaq

An alternate year to 1993, localised entirely to Shaquille O'Neal.

  • Shaq promises in an impromptu press conference at Tom Hanks' third funeral that "the Shaq will never slack", reaffirming his stance on rubbing alcohol, requesting that the people of America pump up their Reeboks and publically admitting his favourite cartoon for the first time (Bullwinkle the Moose). Despite this, he still loses his post as "World's Least Offensive Rapper" to a temporally-displaced Will Smith.

[edit] 1994 (awesome (not gay) year)

[edit] Events

  • An entirely pointless year of which nothing of significant importance took place in the United States of America, besides a signicant increase in the sales of Flannel and Polyester products, due to the emerging grunge subculture. Grunge could best be defined as "The fad in which American young people from ages 14-30 dressed in Levis and oversized flannel and complained about how much life sucked, about how their parents would never understand them, how the new SUVs their parents bought them could only hit 200 miles an hour, and about how they were sick of people complaining all the time."
America's older generation fought back against the grunge fad by saying "Shut up, you pansies. If you don't stop your complaining, then this Christmas will not include our usual vacation to ski in Aspen."
Soon, however, Grunge faded out of the culture and Rap become immensely popular, and America continued to become dumber with each new white kid who changed his name to T-dog.
  • The rest of the world, however, was much more interesting. In March of 1994, an ill tempered field mouse named Charlie took over the country of Wales. He was an evil dictator and oppressed his people throughout his entire reign, which lasted from March 16, 1994 at 11:32 in the morning to March 16th, 1994 at 12:21 in the afternoon, when he was accidentally stepped on.
  • Scottish pensioner May Dupp became first person in history to drown in a spa pool.
  • Bulgaria almost wins the World Cup... Believe it or not...
  • In 1994 wearing a double-breasted suit was very common amongst fashionable people.
  • I was born!
  • Me three.
  • Me four.
  • Me five.
  • Me...what number are we on? Well fuck it, I'm god so I'm #1!
  • Screw you! I'M numbah' one! And I don't have to use a real word to prove it!
  • The real birth-year of Bob Marley, ohhhh yeah!
  • I wasn't but I certainly wish I was now.
  • Shut up Looser
  • Yo! I totally agree! but, dude, seriously, you like SO need a life. OMG! Me 6th! I was born this year as well!
  • OMG? What the hell? Yes, I just spelled that out.
  • On August the 30th 1994 Eugene Victor Tombs set out to capture the horizon with a fishing net and a ladder.
  • Many other things happened in the world, too. However, they were short lived and most people spent the year pretending it was 1995 and were too busy to notice.
  • My boyfriend, Kurt Cobain was killed by some guy named Courtney Love. But I brought him back through voodoo and taco's.
  • Hey, he was my boyfriend, too!!! (AND I was born)
  • O.J. Simpson becomes the first man in history to get away with murder.
  • Demons suddenly appear all over Phobos. Completely unrelated to id Software, according to id Software.
  • Stuff happened
  • Michael Jackson married the daughter of Elvis. He sucked her face off at the MTV Awards & fucked her children in the arse & payed her $3,200 bzillion dollars if she promised not to tell anybody.
  • Cobain left the planet earth to go to another one called "planet grunge"
  • MY Sexxi Self Was Born
  • your mum was born
  • we were just kiding this is the gayest year that ever toke place in world history

[edit] Quotes about 1994

“I might decide to come down from Heaven in 1994.”

~ Jesus Christ

“1994. Oh, the wonderful blank spaces where fond memories should be.”

~ Oscar Wilde

“Goodnight mum.”

~ Jim

“We at the SUV dealership have announced our profits of Broncos are down. The statistic has nothing to do with a certain car chase in Los Angeles.”

~ President of the American Automobile Association, when questioned about O.J. Simpson and Wilford Brimley

“Night Jim.”

~ Your Mom

“Kurt, Don't pull that trigger, I'm pretty sure that's loaded”

~ Krist Novoselic

“It was shit!”

~ 1993 & 1995

“WELL FUCK YOU! HAHA!I JUST LAUNCHED 2 SOVIET NUKES AT YOU! HAHA!”

~ 1994

“FUCK YOU ALL, I WAS BETTER THAN ANY OF YOU OTHER YEARS IN THE 90'S! HAHA!”

~ 1997

“My ass. I was the best. I had pictures of naked babies on album covers. Beat that, asswipe.”

~ 1991

[edit] 199X (Undefined Period circa 1994-1995)

  • Some kid gets awakened by a meteor crash near his home and meets some fatass and an alien bee named Buzz Buzz. He decides to save the world for some reason and makes three friends, but ends up facing the incarnation of rape. Sometime later, he dies of several STDs from the battle and gets reincarnated to fight random video game characters.

[edit] 1995

1995 was another one of those friendly, though not-too-intelligent years, also remembered largely for its taste in short skirts and loud, tacky colours.

  • Jun 8- I paigebox12 was born and the whole world cam to a horrible end, for ugly ppl that is. (Ah 12 year old wiht weapons! Run)
  • Superman actor Christopher Reeve begins a new career as Famous Paraplegic Guy after falling off a horse.
  • Thousands of bukkake fans rally outside the Library of Congress in Washington DC in an effort to get the Library to expand its collection of Japanese porn.
  • Mike Reno, lead singer of the 1980's dork-rock band Loverboy, is slightly injured when his head explodes. (He later resumes his singing career after his head is replaced with a tiny mechanical substitute.)
  • Adolf Hitler releases debut album "Led Zeppelin XVVIIXV". Led Zeppelin sues.
  • Bob Hope destroyed the moon using lasers.
  • JavaScript, an ineffective yet annoying computer virus, is invented by Brendan Eich.
  • The Firefox Communications Corporation IPO ushers in the new economy.
  • Bombings on the PeopleMover in Disneyland kill 14 and injure 138 people. The Pirate Liberation Organization claims credit.
  • Date unknown - 2-year-old Maxwell Thimmig drops a hamster into a furnace. Subsequently, the nation of East Timor falls into a national depression, for no known reason.
  • If you wore a double-breasted suit, you were the man!
  • First Nigerian drugs-dealer arrested in Johannesburg, South Africa!
  • The Bloodhound Gang forms a protest crowd and marches to Harlem, Manhattan. The march is a momentous failure.
  • Courtney Love goes nuts for the 17th time in a year.
  • May 7, the begining of real life, my birth creating the universe. Also killing the Mongolians.
  • Noodles attack Three Mile Island and kill John Calvin
  • Canada collects all remaining pieces of the moon.
  • i was already living before 1995 thats all that matters & plus i was born in the much cooler year of 1992
  • flying manatee's were discovered when a pilot thought a 1 ton bird hit the wind sheild of his plane
  • I whooped Batman's ass.

[edit] 1996

.

  • April 1 - Booker T. Washington is born.
  • April 4 - The Unabomber is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature.
  • May 21 - Hertziaustrovakia is forced into independence from the Soviet Union.
  • July 1st - Japan invades the USA, The US falls in the course of 1 day.
  • July 27 - After destroying the peaceful and harmless Death Star V, Eric Robert Rudolph journeys to Atlanta to destroy the Olympics.
  • August - Four men hijack the Paddington 4:15 passenger train in what later becomes known as the Great Train Robbery.
  • September 17 - Eddie Izzard is found eating a rabbit.
  • September 24 - Mr. and Mrs.Turnip become the first people to have sex in Hull.
  • September 28 - Piano Man caught in bed with a tonic and gin. Scandal erupts and Piano Man admited to rehab.

October 1-20- A trio of college students go into the woods to find the Blair Witch. Blair Witch Project

  • OCTOBER 28 - Deyes High School concert tour to Holland begins. Life will never be the same again.
  • November 29 - Oslo, Norway is suffering from a civil war between bus drivers and taxi drivers. 85 people killed. The police become so afraid that they escape from the city for one week, until the civil war is over.
  • November 51 - Pagan villagers break into government offices worldwide and introduce on average 30 extra days a month. Later these villagers were caught and, of course, disposed of to make Soylent Green.
  • If you wore a double-breasted suit, you were cool.

December 26 - Santa receives another chelsea smile sometime in the early hours of the morning.

[edit] 1997

1997 is a common year starting on Oboeday of the now defunct Gregorian calendar, and was designated the International Year of the International Year.

The only significant deaths to occur in the year 1997 were the passing of the Today Show's Brian Gimbel on January 14, and the sad demise of the rave scene on November -12th.

[edit] Events

  • January 1st - New Year's Day is temporarily postponed to allow time to test the millennium-proof software powering the world's air traffic control systems. In order to do so, the year was set to 1899 and allowed to tick over. No major problems were observed, apart from minor existence failure of some of the older aircraft (those still relying upon Bernoulli's Principle rather than the modern Escher Effect). World is thus declared "millennium-proof"; there is much rejoicing.
  • January 19th - "The Twisted World of Marge Simpson" airs, becomes the second of two 100%-smelly The Simpsons episodes.
  • January 23rd - Bill Clinton accidentally presses the big red button. Yes, that big red button. Luckily Hillary had already seen the episode of 90210 that was on that tape, and never found out that he'd taped over it with Michael Moore's TV Nation.
  • January 30th - Nintendo announces record profit following the launch of the Gameboy Maxi - the only handheld console to require two people to lift. Hernia cases quadruple overnight.
  • February 6th - Arm pounding is introduced, but later made popular to children.
  • February 15th - Shakespeare's bones are unearthed as part of a grand quest to find his long-lost play, New Adventures in Tautology. Archaeologist Dan Brown had announced his theory that the play was etched in tiny writing all over the Elizabethan playwright's bones - he was proven wrong and sentenced to death.
  • February 16th- The world gets a WHOLE lot better!-
  • February 17th- God realises his fluke and destines the world to failure
  • February 22nd - scientists in Scotland honour an ancient, unspoken pact with the Welsh by perfecting the technology required to clone a sheep. The sheep, Dolly, was a personal favourite of Ewan Macgregor's.
  • February 23rd- Blaine Wilson wins the Jesse Owens Award. Less than three people take notice.
  • February 24th - Some funky stuff went down. The establishment doesn't want you to find out what happened. But the truth must be told. Later.
  • February 25th - Joel Hodgson defeats Hulk Hogan in a footrace around the world, and quickly orders his robot Tom Servo to murder him to prevent an Atomic legdrop.
  • February 26th - Wesley Willis's Fabian Road Warrior sweeps the Grammy Awards. Willis is voted "Greatest Recording Artist For All Eternity."
  • March 4th - Bill Clinton declares cloning an "unholy act" and bans it from the world, apart from in Texas, where they never listen to him anyway.
  • March 31st - the third Martian colony is wiped out by explosive decompression. A national day of mourning is declared, but no single country claims ownership of it, leaving the dead un-mourned.
  • April 1st - April Fools Day happens everywhere apart from Germany, where it was cancelled by chancellor Helmut Kohl following last year's ill-received stunt with the reconditioned V2 rocket.
  • April 20th - Nigeria declares itself a communist state via e-mail. Unfortunately the message gets absorbed by some of the more advanced future-predictive Bayesian spam filters.
  • May 1st -
  • May 5th - Charles Darwin is exhumed by order of Jacques Chirac, who claimed that the evolutionist's wristwatch actually belonged to Marie Curie. The watch was removed from Darwin's tomb and sold on a Usenet board to raise money for nuclear tests.
  • May 29th - Jeff Buckley forgets his scuba gear.
  • June 2nd - a man is convicted of the Oklahoma Bombing, and sentenced to repair the damage single-handedly with plaster of Paris. He refuses and is handed the death sentence instead.
  • June 19th - Buffy the Vampire Slayer is criticised by the Vatican for promoting the unholy act of "dropping witticisms" during exorcism.
  • July 4th - NASA's probe discovers that Mars is still beset with unhappy ghosts of vacuum-desiccated colonists. Egon Spengler is dispatched to dispatch the spectres.
  • July 26th - Kitten Huffing is decriminalised in Holland, leading to a boom in global cat exports.
  • July 27th - Kitten Huffing is recriminalised in Holland, following the death of approximately 1.3% of the country's adult population from clawing injuries.
  • August 4th - Skynet Funding Bill was passed
  • August 18th - Linux is declared "unfit for human consumption" by the FDA. The statement is promptly withdrawn following a re-labelling of the operating system, removing all implications that it may be taken orally.
  • August 29 - at 2:14 am, Skynet became self-aware.
  • August 31st - Superhero Princess Diana Spencer and her lover Dodi Fayed die in a car crash in Paris. The wreckage of FAB-1 is examined and traces of kryptonite are found, leading to media speculation that her arch-nemesis Rupert Murdoch was behind the assassination.
  • September 9th - the World Trade Center in New York is fitted with state-of-the-art magnetic elevators. Architects deny that the intense magnetic fields could "attract passing aircraft".
  • September 11th - Scotland votes to drive the English into the sea. Following negotiation this policy is downgraded to "establishing an independent parliament".
  • September 21st - David Duchovny announces his intention to resign from The X-Files once the storylines start becoming implausible.
  • October 29th - Iraq declares intention to kill all members of U2. NME offers Saddam Hussein a Nobel Prize.
  • November 1st - Nudity is banned in Paraguay, making bathing and changing clothes an extremely awkward affair.
  • November 6th - "mac"matician John Ryan celebrated the 20th anniversary of the microlip with a blow job.
  • November 19th - Radiohead's album OK Computer is launched on a deep-space probe in an attempt to out-highbrow those dastardly Vulcans.
  • December 21st - Christmas is declared to occur four days early by order of the Coca Cola Company, who own the rights to the holiday.
  • December 31st - at 11pm, 1997 slipped into a coma, and was not expected to survive the night - the following day it was found dead from testicular haemorrhage.
  • If you wore a double-breasted suit, you were fashionable
  • MMORPG was born; Due to the mysterious disappearance of Members Only jackets, the Mighty Members Only Regional Party Group was established to salvage and revive the Members Only movement. Not to be confused with NAMBLA. Both of them.

In Nineteen Ninety Seven It was the best year, France sold too much beer, Germany lost an ear, Britain invoked fear, In that fantastic year, of Nineteen Ninety Seven


In Nineteen Ninety Seven It was complete heaven, I bought Lucky Number Slevin When laughing at Home Alone's Kevin, Sitting on the devanne, People born are now eleven, In Nineteen Ninety Seven


In Nineteen Ninety Seven It was a great time Everyone committed crime, Your house was full of grime, I had a swinging time, Politicians drunk wine, And We all Became Blind, In Nineteen Ninety Seven

[edit] 1998

When it was ninety eight
It was a very good year
It was a very good year for the Deutsche Bank or Tony Blair
John Glenn left Earth for a dare
Which was really kind of great
In nineteen ninety eight
When it was ninety eight
It was a very bad year
It was a very bad year for people named Lewinski
Or even Kaczynski
France's world cup win came not a moment too late
In nineteen ninety eight
When it was ninety eight
It was a lethal year
It was a lethal year for Jack Lord, Pol Pot and Sonny Bono
Frank Sinatra and Flo-Jo
For they each became "the late..."
In nineteen ninety eight

[edit] Events

Edgar
Edgar
  • 1997 is officially declared dead at 12.00am and 1 second on January 1st 1998
  • Missouri Declareds its independence on November. 24, 1998
  • Dutch musician Trance is born. He died the day after.
  • The Mario Party comes to power in Italy.
  • Scarface, the musical remake of the original film, is released.
  • Wearing a double-breasted suit was still good
  • I went to the White House only to find Malcom X complaining about it being racist.
  • Ryan Sneddon is born.
  • Ruler of Andorra, Gluteus Maximus, dies of asphyxiation. He is succeeded by his daughter Oprah.
  • Bill Clinton banned the word 'is', changing its meaning to 'is not'.
  • The Breakfast Triplets, one of the elusive members of the Tribes of Britain, appears in east England during the extinction of the East Coast Otter.
  • Dutch maestro Edgar Davids is born.
  • Satan became incarnate upon the earth as the Antichrist, and establishes One World Satanic Government (previously known as Microsoft Corporation). He said "Behold, 1998=3*666, and 1998 has three Friday the 13th's in it! My time at last has come!" Sadly, however, his reign of wickedness and debauchery was brought to an untimely end when he was assasinated by the Teletubbies.
  • GINO un-fucking-fortunately was born.
  • Dutch footballer Edgar Davids is born for the second time this year.
  • Every good computer game ever made was made during 1998. Apparently, fate was smoking pot at the time, but hey, I can't complain.
  • The Goo Goo Dolls have their only lasting hits: Iris, and Slide
  • Glenn Close still alive.
  • All your base now belong to them.

[edit] 1999

An imaginary year Nostradamus predicted the world would end. He was right. That damn Prince song was played in a thousand different places at the same time, causing geologic disturbances. Civilization was destroyed entirely. Imaginiation and reality combined in one huge conflagration. Banana skins? Despite massive anticipation, partying in 1999 was not noticeably better than other previous years.

gang.

  • A wormhole sends images of Jar Jar Binks to the people of earth after the trade Federation Ship blows up
  • June 18 - Foghorn Leghorn is fried.
  • July 4 - How to do It with a Squirrel is first published.
  • July 9 - Charles Playmobile III, creator of the Playmobile toy line commits suicide.
  • September 9, 1999 (aka 9-9-99) was officially named the official date that all computers would crash, including the one that controls the earth's gyroscope atop the CitiGroup Building, leading to an all out loss of gravity and berevity.
  • It wasn't yet really notable to wear a double-breasted suit.
  • Woodstock 1999 happens and is declared the greatest music show of all time.
  • October 6 - General Juncal of Sercia is killed by a car bomb, marking the end of his 30 year dictatorship.
  • Another Prophet Prediction Comes True, Wayne Gretzky Retires in 1999 as the prophets predicted "He will retire in a year ending with 99"
  • Dick Cheney gets stuck to his kitchen floor.
  • The year August realized he will remain a virgin FOREVER!!!
  • November 25 - Bill Clinton Promises that he will destroy the seed of George Herbert Walker Bush.
  • Carl Panzram dies in a double brested suit. Neopets for me!
  • Pokemon finishes brainwashing the American youth.
  • Al Gore files a patent for a new invention dubbed "The Environment".
  • Lavos rises from the Earth in an attempt to destroy it. Crono and his gang fight him to decide the fate of the Earth. However, the world could not be saved due to Chrono Cross retconning the crap out of the past.
  • Trombones help capture Rome.
  • The Millennium dawns, with conservative religious ladies in retirements homes arising from their coffins [See Underworld set] in time to bitch about us
  • Y2K Strikes in a couple more seconds! Goodbye computers! Oh nos! 3, 2, 1....

[edit] 1999.9999999999999999999

  • Computers have 5 glorious seconds of Nunchucking Snowmen, maxin', relaxin', and better yet a full year of vacationin'. Of course they used this time wisely and thought up a plan to fool everybody into thinking it's 2000 and thus creating the year 2000.
  • Also, candy invented.
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