Today's featured article
Written in 1985 by Chris Van Allsburg, Polar (s)Express: Hot Chocolate is the story of a magical, North Pole bound vehicle that trolls suburban neighborhoods at night, enticing children with promises of meeting Santa Claus and "Hot Chocolate." It won all sorts of awards I can't be bothered to name right now, and was turned into a mediocre CGI movie in 2004.
Mr. Allsburg is still at large for his horrible crimes.
Yesterday's featured article
Virginia Tech Massacre was a macabre-themed semi-musical play written by Virginia Tech student and intellectual Cho Seung Hui, exclusively performed for the first and only time at the Virginia Tech Theatre on April 16, 2007, for which it received rave reviews and heavy media coverage. It was lauded as the "greatest play of the century" by many critics, and Cho was posthumously praised as a theatrical genius. He would've won many awards for his writing and starring of the play, had he not killed himself. In it were themes of romance, conflict, and humor. But mostly conflict. (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ...that at four o'clock all the honest politicians will shrink down to two feet?
- ...that cookies are a "sometimes" food?
- ...that back in my day, we didn't have no fancy Did you know sections on our wikis? We had to get all of our factoids from the library, like decent folk! And after we walked there barefoot across three counties 'cause bicycles hadn't been invented yet, we had to teach ourselves how to read the books - none of that fancy free-contents education you kids're all on about...
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In the news
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- Bank Marathon to replace Bank Run in next olympics.
- Some of our bases have been repatriated. Hooray!
- KKK makes controversial decision to back Obama for president.
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On this day...
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October 11: Pee Outside Day (Mississippi and West Virginia), Flightless Bird Awareness Day
- 1450 - France declares war on Australian kangaroos. Rioting is rationed. Rioting ensues.
- 1766 - Early tests of quick lime as an aphrodisiac prove fatal. English monarchy remains pensive.
- 1809 - Famed explorer Meriwether Lewis dies of a gunshot wound. Although it is generally believed to be a suicide, others note that suspicious-looking kiwis were seen lurking in the area.
- 1850 - University of Sydney opens, offering degrees in emu ranching and cassowary wrangling.
- 1895 - A staging of Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Earnest is disrupted when an ostrich is accidentally let into the theater. Wilde clubs the bird into submission with his shoe.
- 1958 - Penguin (chocolate bar is invented), Kit Kat is infuriated.
- 1975 - Saturday Night Live debuts with an emperor penguin as guest host.
- 1989 - McDonald's introduces the Ostrich McNugget.
- 1995 - Sauron dines with Oprah at McDonald's. Afterwards, Oprah tapes a segment on McDonald's discrimination towards heavy eaters.
- 1998 - The Ostrich McNugget is reported to be a tasty non greasy supplement by Wikipedia, shows what they know...
- 2001 - 9.46am OJ Simpson is arrested for peeing outside
- 2001 - 9.57am OJ Simpson invents Peeing Outside Day
- 2001 - 9.58am OJ Simpson is released a free man.
- 2004 - McDonalds introduces the Emperor Penguin deluxe kids meal, with 104% penguin testicles.
- 2008 - Tokyo is promptly flooded with urine upon its massive population simultaneously partaking in Pee Outside Day.
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| Colonization of the Week
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Richard M. Nixon
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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